Keeping you, I let it go
by TrackADELE
Summary: Anastasia crossed paths again with Christian Grey, her best friend, someone she loved...only to realize he is as complicated as ever with addiction and alcoholism on his trail. Realizing that love ain't as easy and fun as it is in the books, how will they keep a relationship so pure intact? Also, with something that's beyond who they are? A betrayal with their lives in danger? HEA
1. PROLOGUE

**_PROLOGUE_**

* * *

It was like the credits in the end of a trilogy. Every character in my life, every villain in my story standing right in front of me, their lips curled up into blood-thirsty smile in this familiar rotting dungeon.

The love of my life stood beside me, tears flowing down his cheeks, making my heart ache. It was like there was nothing more torturous than that, not us being hostage and neither the sharp edge of the knife pressing deep into my skin.

The destroyer of my life, the jalour of of his' and the person I loved with all my heart until to the very core of it, stood side by side, all yearning for the epilogue of my book, my existence.

All wanting to commemorate the end of me, one way or another.

His eyes widened and theirs snapped with fire.

Boom.

* * *


	2. Flaws and Flawless Family

Learn from your mistakes, they say but can any kind of learning ever wash it away? Nope, it stays with you as it stays with me even now, like it's a scar that keeps peeking around the edges, how do I learn from that? _What_ do I learn from that?

My father, Raymond Steele always said this 'Your mistakes, your past, these things don't define you, they make you to what you become', and this is what had been my pole star at the darkest of nights.

My father, Ray- stepfather, actually - is the most wonderful human being that God stopped creating centuries ago. I often tell him that he is a defected piece to which he just laughs, shrugs, and shoves it off. He is kind, loving, wise and charming, and also a surgeon.

At the lowest moments of my life, I wonder if my life was just the same as it was when I was eight and the things would never have changed like a never moving stone? Would I have survived to be successful as I am today? Would I have bravely faced the repercussions of my own actions that I went through at the tender age of fifteen? I don't know if I could have.

I lost people along my way as I grew up, the people I loved most. Cancer took the best of my mother and I lost her, going past it was almost impossible. And then there was my best friend that I lost and I didn't even know how things in our friendship went so wrong that he left me to myself. I loved him and I missed him, I missed being able to talk like that with Christian, with utmost transparency.

But it was history now and I had moved on, of course.

"Hammer? Ana?" I was brought out of my reverie by the beautiful husky voice as I realized that I was in the café, still in my working hours when Jacob shook me by my shoulders.

Jacob was my best friend, one of the only two who didn't leave my side. A person who I had happily commit a murder with. He had this 'I don't care' personality which I and his mother, Carolina, were an exception to. He was funny, over-protective, and easy to be with… or at least I of all other people found him easy to be with. We were childhood friends, became inseparable after Christian left. We knew each other since we were born.

Jacob was six feet two inches tall with his muscular build. His skin was a beautiful tan and his hair black and wavy.

"Yeah, sorry. I zoned out," I muttered, handing over the customer's meal who looked between us.

The café was as busy as ever. Lines were formed in front of the counter and the people carried their trays to the cushiony beige one-seaters. We were behind the counters, at the rear of the 'self-service' board. This was Jake's café, his mother's, to be precise. I came over to help her out whenever I had time to.

I was an editor, used to work in the Publication of Bridgeville, a small town where I lived in… but my boss was an ass and so I resigned, mailing my portfolios to the publications in the city, Seattle. With millions of opportunities.

The customers decreased to a number that was easily counted and we leaned against the counter, taking a break to relax.

"Finally," Jake huffed,

I chuckled.

He turned to stand in front of me, his eyes crinkling with sympathy and affection. I frowned at the look and he pulled me into a long hug, "Happy birthday, Annie,"

I laughed when he didn't even release me from the hug, "I am guessing you just need someone to lean on but thank you,"

He groaned, "That, too but also, I know what you were thinking. You do this every year."

My smile faded, "Do what?"

"Miss your mother,"

I nodded against his shoulder and pushed him, "Long hugs don't work when they are suffocating,"

"Sure, sure," He laughed and walked back into the counter when he saw more customers walking in.

The bell above the entry door rang again when another customer walked in. The group of school girls turned to look at him with silly giggles and awe. My mouth hung open, I could've recognized that face among a million, even all these eleven years wouldn't have made a difference. I couldn't believe my eyes. How? When? _How? _

He walked in and mine was the only counter available. My expressions must have been dumb considering my eyes wide, my mouth open and my cheeks burning red with the shock, surprise… I didn't know.

Jacob stomped on my foot and glared at me. What? No! I wasn't drooling over him like those silly teenagers, I was just staring… staring because this feeling was alien, the pain in the chest was alien. The summersaults in my stomach were alien.

Christian Grey walked over to my counter and narrowed his eyes at me but recovered as if the faint expression of recognition I saw was just an illusion and looked over at the menu board above.

"Good Afternoon." He gave his head a tight nod with no signs of acknowledgment. He didn't even remember me?

I nodded back, hurt, and angry. I knew this was silly, I wasn't fourteen anymore and I had changed drastically. It was easier for me to remember him, he was eighteen when he abandoned me, almost an adult.

"Good Afternoon," I replied when he stared at me, confused because I kept gawking at him, "What would you like to have?"

"A black coffee. No sugar."

I nodded, typing out his bill and passing on the order digitally to the kitchen,

"Two minutes, sir."

He nodded and turned his back to me taking his seat on the vacant sofa. He should have had that curtesy to at least have a vague memory of who I was. Wasn't I the only friend he had? He called me his best friend.

"What? Are you trying to move him with that glare or what?" Jake gave me an eye roll,

I glared at Jake, "Stop it,"

Jake frowned and sided to attend to the old woman on his side.

I called him when his order was ready,

"Thank you. Can you please add a chocolate muffin to my order?"

"Sure" I nodded and typed on the computer, stealing quick glances of him.

He caught me, "Excuse me? Have we met before?"

I must have been the color of beetroot, "Yes, Christian, we have."

"I'm sorry?" he frowned, "I have absolutely no recollection,"

_Really? No recollection, Christian? We had millions of memories together that were worth the tiny space in your thick skull. _"Yeah, we used to be friends in school,"

His eyes turned wide with an expression that said _Cha-Ching! Bingo! _"Jesus Christ," he whispered, "I am so sorry. You have completely transformed." he took a minute pause, just looking at me. He couldn't shut his mouth, "Ana, it's you,"

I giggled, flushed "Yeah, it's me. Finally," _What? Why did I say finally?_

"I apologize, I couldn't even recognize you. I mean, I did expect to see you around but –

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," I waved my hand, "I am twenty-five now I was fourteen then. Of course, I changed,"

Christian glanced at Jake who was giving us both a weird look. "This is Jacob Powell, the café's owner," Christian nodded at him, "Jacob, this is Christian, from school? Remember my misanthrope friend who sat alone at lunch?" Jake's pupils dilated. He clearly had no idea what I was talking about.

Christian shook his head at my description, "Nice to meet you, Mr. Powell," he said in a professional tone

"Likewise," Jacob replied,

Christian looked at me, "Would you like to join me?"

I glanced at Jacob, "No. I-

He rolled his eyes, "Go, drama queen. Take a lunch break. I'll ask mom to make you a hamburger ." I grinned at him.

Taking my seat across him, I brought my legs up on the couch and crossed them in the most unladylike manner, placing my arms on the armrest. He kept on with his elegant stance.

"So, how are you?" I initialized the conversation,

He shrugged, "Fine, I guess. You work here?" he looked around the café

I shook my head, "In the café? No. I just help. The owners are close to me."

"I see." He nodded and the conversation took an awkward halt.

"Still not much of a talker, huh?"

He scoffed, "Nah. It's always been-

"Difficult?" he nodded. I smiled in understanding.

"Do you want to go for a walk on the beach?"

"Umm…sure."

I took my bag, passing a meaningful glance at Jacob and followed Christian to the glass door and out into the pleasant Bridgeville. We walked on the streets turning to the beach near my house when he suddenly broke the awkward silence,

"You don't live on the Bingley Road anymore?"

"Of course, I do. The very same house."

He frowned, "I saw another girl turning the locks at midnight and—

"That must be Jess, she's a big girl now," I explained as we strolled ahead.

He nodded, chuckling, "I completely forgot about your sisters,"

I turned to him with a crooked smile, "Wait. Were you creeping outside my house?"

He turned red and a little offended, "No. I bought the house next door."

"What!? Seriously?" I gaped at him, skidding to a stop

"Is that a problem?" He stopped, frowning

I closed my mouth, shaking my head "No. Absolutely not." I started to walk and he followed behind, keeping up with my pace in no time.

"Eleven years," He muttered after a few minutes of soothing stillness, just the sounds of the waves overlapping each other, his eyes staring at the sea waves.

I looked at him and sighed. Oh my God, I have missed him. I was so confused that no question or reaction of mine seemed usual. So, I decided to act like the eleven years he just mentioned hadn't happened, "Good times, huh? Do you remember how we met?" I looked up at him,

He smiled down at me, his eyes reflecting fondness, "Of course, I do. Fifth grade, you in second," he snorted, "You commandeered _my_ table at lunch."

I laughed and narrowed my eyes at him, "I didn't commandeer! I asked you if I could sit with ya!"

He narrowed his eyes, "If I remember it right, the six-year-old girl asked me to _move_ my _butt_."

My mouth hung open at his accusation, a nervous chuckle escaping. Jesus, I said that, didn't I? "You are exaggerating! Didn't you blatantly refuse to sit with me?"

He pouted; my smile turned wider at his adorable expressions. He suddenly looked like the same boy I once knew so well, "That is… correct."

"It was fun to do that, you know. Asking you to move your butt,"

He smirked, "_Right_. The school _never _used to mess with me but you weren't afraid of _anything_, you were annoying," I giggled, he paused, "Can we sit here?"

"Sure."

He remembered everything. Absolutely everything; he knew it with the finest details. _Why did you have to go away?_

We sat on the beach and it seemed like an abnormally normal thing for him to do. I couldn't look away from him, remembering every curve of his face, noticing the changes that his face underwent. I knew how bizarre it would be if I was caught staring at him but it was impossible to break it.

"I always saw you alone at lunch. I was curious as to why was that." I found myself blurting out whatever I was thinking.

"Tenacious." He whispered in a huff,

I giggled, "My father calls me that, too."

"You are" he shrugged as he supported his bodyweight on his palms.

"You did enjoy my company at lunch for eight years, though," I stated, throwing of fake arrogance,

He shook his head at my theatrics, "I did" he turned serious, "Sharing was easy, talking about everything was easy," his voice diminished till the last word and I knew the statement wasn't entirely true. He opened up to me, yes but did he tell me everything? No.

"Most of the stuff." I corrected his statement in a gentle voice, trying to keep my smile intact with understanding. I didn't want to push him. I knew well what it felt like.

He smiled gratefully, his eyes sad, "Thank you. I missed and loved this about you," My breath hitched at the word. This didn't go unnoticed, he changed his tone, "And your bossiness, too." He teased

"Says who." I snorted,

I finally took my eyes off of him, forcing myself to remember that he went away and left me. I didn't wanna be stuck up on it but that was the only thing that helped me to stop gawking at him like a fool. I watched the beach instead, looking at it as it rose and fell, leaving the sand wet for a second and traveling back to where it belonged.

I caught him staring at me and I hoped to God that what I observed was true because it looked like he was looking at me just the way I was looking at him. I wasn't a fool, right? To still miss him subconsciously even after eleven freaking years? I swear I had moved on but I guess, nobody ever entirely moved on, I just kept it deep inside a box. I just buried those times and now they had resurfaced. My best friend was back.

"What?"

"I wish it ended differently." He whispered,

"You had to graduate _one _day." I shrugged, acting indifferently

He sighed, "You know that's not what I am talking about."

Of course, I did and I chose not to go on that road. "It's in the past."

"I'm sorry, Anastasia ."

"Christian," I lightened my tone, "We were children"

"You do know that I never wanted to hurt you, right?"

I closed my eyes. _Really__? You didn't?_ I stood up and he looked up at me, "I really should get going. Jake and his mother would really need me."

"Jake?" his eyebrows shot up as he stood up, himself.

"Jacob" I clarified, "You met him at the café,"

"I didn't know you were _that _close." He was uncomfortable for some reason

"Christian, I just used his nickname and he is just like my family,"

He just nodded, impassively.

"I'll drop you at home and then leave for the café. Lunch time's over ." An idea clicked, "Listen, why don't you join us for dinner tonight? It would just be my father and sisters. I mean, assuming you still can't cook and you don't have somebody to help you?"

"I don't but I'll manage." He shook his head.

I rolled my eyes, "Christian, we are not strangers. You know my family, they'll be happy to meet you."

He took a step closer, "Are you sure?"

"You are coming," I ordered.

I returned home at seven after lunging at Carolina's glorious chocolate cake and roaming around the beach with Jacob. I loved him and I loved that I could be stupid and irresponsible around him.

"Kate!" I squealed when I saw her sitting on my bed, wearing her jeans and a grey minion t-shirt, reading my much-abused novel of 'The Fault in our Stars'. She walked towards me and wrapped me in a hug. A difficult thing to do for her. She was my best friend as close to me as Jake was.

She let on the façade of the tough girl, wanting to be considered the tough guy. She wasn't wrong to do that, her father was unfair to her, despising her just because she wasn't a son. We met each other when we ended up together in sixth grade and… just happened. She was about my same height, five feet four inches but her eyes were black and skin, fair.

"Happy Birthday, Steele." She smiled at me, swatting my arm

"Thank you. Elle and Jess didn't tell me you were up here!"

She grinned, "I asked your sisters to keep their mouths shut, that's why," her hand went to her back pocket and she let out a small, sleek rectangular box, wrapped in a gift paper,

"You bought me a gift?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up. _My_ friends never did that. She squared her shoulder with fake pride.

I laughed and tore the paper away revealing a jewelry box.

I opened it, "It's beautiful. I love anklets." I exclaimed

"I know you do, stupid." She giggled in her deep beautiful voice,

It was not an ordinary anklet. Not for me. It was a charm. A locket of two mobile phones. The rest was a platinum chain and diamond circles studded in them.

I laughed at the memory the charm brought. I remembered it like it just happened yesterday.

It was her fifteenth birthday and I was staying at her house. The phones started ringing at twelve, at the same time and she threw me a panicked look. So, we both decided to answer both the calls at once. Our voices were so similar that her set of friends wished _me_ a happy birthday. Katherine had a hell of a time when one of her friends asked her if she could send him my number without having any clue that he was, in fact, talking to me. I ignored him for the rest of my school life, he was a jerk, calling out every other girl as 'babe'.

She laughed with me, "You still remember Toby?"

I made a face, "Jerk"

She laughed again.

Before I could ask my question, a voice interrupted us.

"Girls." The husky voice came from my room's archway and there he was, Jacob Powel, standing with a large wrapped gift. It was like an apocalypse, my friends giving me birthday presents.

"What's wrong with you guys?" I laughed and snatched the package away from him,

"Your welcome." He narrowed his eyes. I stuck my tongue out at him, tearing the brown wrapper off, "I can't believe this. They're not just gifts but thoughtful ones! Oh, my God, Jake, it's precious," I gasped,

Both of them laughed.

It was a painting of both our six-year-old selves sitting on the apple tree in the backyard of my house. The rich colors flowed among themselves so well that I saw my childhood in a flash. If somebody had seen Jake's painting for the first time, they would have accused him of printing a photograph out of the computer with their mouths hanging open. I grinned at him, my eyes blurring their vision.

I blinked, "I love you both so much," I muttered, my voice breaking once.

Jake smiled at me, his dark eyes glittering and Kate made a face, "Jacob," she said in the rough tone she used with him, breaking the moment "Now, you can drop me to the airport."

"You waited for me?" I asked, surprised.

"Don't look so surprised, nut head. You are insulting me." She nudged my shoulders, "I wanted to give you this and _then_ leave for Hemington." She said in a soft voice and then her face turned hard, "I had to coordinate with him so that we could both give you your gifts and he could gimme a ride."

Don't get her wrong. We all three were inseparable but Jacob was hard to be with for the others and not everybody 'adored' her tough girl attitude. I knew they loved each other just the way they loved me but their relationship was…different. Really. There's no other word for it.

Jake gave her a cold shoulder.

"Guys, loosen up." I broke the ice and turned to hug Kate "Happy Journey, Katherine. You'll kick ass at your new job."

She broke the hug, "Don't be so…soft about it. You'll get a job there too."

I nodded.

I hung the painting on the wall in front of my bed. The picture wall, I called it. There were so many pictures on it of everybody in my family. Jess caught having Elle's share of ice cream. Elle doing her homework. All three of us together with me in the middle. Picture of me and dad after I graduated college. The Steele sisters sleeping _on_ each other. We all little bodies looked so adorable. Then it was my trio. Jake teaching me how to ride a motorcycle. Kate and I making silly faces. We both licking ice-creams with tiny tongues. Me and Elle watching TV together. And some awkward pictures of all of us that I loved the most. Mostly close-ups of noses and faces.

And there were just three pictures of Christian. He didn't like to be photographed but his grandparents who used to live right beside us snapped pictures of us whenever possible. There was a picture of their backyard and Christian throwing me into the pool, we were about fourteen and eleven respectively. There was a picture of us just smiling at the camera in my room, a picture of his grandparents and us, his hand snaked around my waist to pull me close and then a snap of his graduation, the last time I saw him.

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday to dear big sis

..." My sisters, my darling little sisters chimed in, dancing around and swaying their hips, grinning goofily at me.

These were my siblings. Jessamie Anastasia Steele, named after my maternal grandma and me, and Ellen Marylyn Steele, named after my paternal grandma and my mother's close friend. They were girls with awfully different characteristics. Ellen wore specs; she was the bookish, shy, and sophisticated one. Jess was a party animal, bold, active, and bubbly. The only one that made any noise but she was kind. Ray made his girls kind and good. Even our biological father couldn't have done that.

My twin sisters were a replica of me, as dad always said but with different eye colour. They had our mother's eyes. Green. They're in their tricky eighteens with the fresh excitement of being an adult on paper. Their lips were full like mine and hairs, auburn brown, the exact shade I have.

Both of them gave me a tight hug, keeping the cupcake on the bed as Ray walked in behind them.

Ray was a six feet tall, handsome man. His smile and his ocean-blue eyes could still bring girls on their knees. His eyes wrinkled when he gave his dimply-smile with his thin lips, the lower lip fuller, this only added to his beauty rather than making it a design flaw.

He had been my father since the day he found me crying on his hospital's staircase. That was the day when my mother filed a divorce with my biological father and ended up in a minor accident.

We all just sat around each other, crawling up in my bed. I was gifted and not just with these gifts that all of them had bought for me which were mounted between us but... truly, gifted.

But that wasn't the part that dominated my mind. It was Christian and everything about him.


	3. Unexpected

We were still seated across each other when I turned to look at Ray, "Dad, do you remember Christian Grey?"

Ray nodded, "Of course, I do. What about him, sweetheart?"

"Well, he is in town,"

Ray's eyebrows shot up.

"Who's Christian?" Jess chimed in, looking at me curiously

"That guy," I pointed at his pictures. Jess and Ellen gave me a surprise look.

"How's he?" Ray interrupted the girls before they could bombard me with questions. He wasn't of him, considering he knew how Christian left his daughter, crying and guilty of something she didn't even know. How he left had left me broken and that story is for some other time but everybody knew the side effects.

"Fine," I smiled at my father, "I invited him to the dinner tonight, if that's okay?"

"Is he still that hot?" Jess giggled,

"Jess, behave!" Ellen glared at her.

I ignored them, my eyes trained at Ray. He passed me a sceptical look but let it go, it had been eleven long years after all. "Of course," he smiled kindly at me, "It's your birthday, Annie,"

I grinned.

"Open our gifts now!" Jess huffed,

"We tried to put a lot of thought," Elle smiled, shyly

Jessamie had bought me a dress that was... exposing but she seemed to be proud of herself, grinning at me from ear to ear. It was a strapless, lacey, maroon-ish dress that would supposedly curve around my breast.

"Thank you, Jess,"

"Wear it!" Jess shouted at me,

"Come on," I glanced at Ray, guessing he would help me out with this but he was a traitor.

"Come on, Annie, you'll have to wear it tonight anyway,"

The dress was exposing. The skirt fanned out below my waist; a little too above my knee and the material curved around my breasts.

"You look hot!" Jess whistled

"Really?" I asked, turning to look at the mirror and regretted it. What the hell had I signed up for?

"You do look beautiful, Ana," Ellen reassured, "Don't be embarrassed,"

I puffed air out of my mouth and glared at Ray who kept a gentle smile across his face.

"My turn," Elle stuffed a box in my hand, "I had a little help from dad with this, too," she admitted.

They were earrings like little perfect snowflakes fallen down to my palms. I smiled at both of them, "Thank you so much, girls. You know this means the world to me," I combed down their hairs, affectionately. My sisters were like my own children, like I was the one that pushed them out of vagina.

"What have you got, Ray?"

Dad smiled, "I didn't spend a penny,"

I frowned, that was unlike him, "You know that's much more preferred. No offense to the girls."

"I know but I think my gift is going to outdo the girls'," Ray laughed and waved a rectangular box in the air. I grabbed it.

I gasped and the girls looked at me, confused. My eyes scanned the necklace and then landed on Ray, on the necklace and then at Ray again. I was shocked, I thought that we didn't have this anymore.

"Oh my God," my voice broke opening the flood of tears, my lips quivering, "It's mom's. Grandma gave it to her when she was pregnant with me." I smiled looking down at the 'circle of life' pendant studded with simple tiny round diamonds.

"She used to wear this?" Jess asked, curiously

I nodded, "Every single day after grandma passed away."

"She will be proud of you all," Ray walked around the bed to give me a tight hug and the girls joined in.

We all got ready before seven. Ray always made birthdays look like a great deal. He made us dress like we were going out for a celebration but at our house because I didn't like to go out to have dinner when I was an amazing cook. He made sure he was with us without any work interference on birthdays and that we sat together and had fun.

My sisters broke into my room half an hour early to play barbie with me. I gave them the hint to back off but they weren't scared of me anymore. I wore the red dress, a bold lipstick that made me look like a vampire who just had her meal but my sisters assured me I looked beautiful. Ellen did my hair and let them loose, French-braiding them from one side, smoothing them down to a little beyond my breasts. My hairs were long.

And I was ready. My sisters looked beautiful, too. Ellen had settled for a simple and Jess had left hers open. Elle wore a white dress that smoothed down to her knees, the flare sleeves waving slightly around her arms as she curled her hairs behind her ears, nervously. Jess wore a floral black dress, sleeve-less like every dress of hers and the neck cut into a deep 'V', her dress high above her knees.

"I don't see the point in dressing up so much when we are just having a dinner at home," I complained, standing up to look at the long, standing mirror beside my bed. My room was the largest but wasn't too crowded with furniture. Just a Malabar poster bed that looked like I was on the beach, a bookshelf beside the long mirror, a cupboard on the other side where the door was located. Beside the book shelf was a huge window from where I could see the beach and Christian's house that was his' grandparents but now belonged to him. In front of me on the whole wall were the photos and Jake's painting – the new addition and on the corner was little study.

I stepped out of my room closing the lights and glared at the girls when I found theirs open. There room across me, diagonal to my room and dad's room was downstairs. We all climbed down when the mouth-watering aroma reached our nostrils.

Dad was dancing around the kitchen island, placing the cutlery on the dining table. Music to the full volume. I smiled at his enthusiasm and asked to girls to help him set the table. I had already made a recipe I saw on internet. It was a linguine dish; pork medallions with brandy cream sauce. I got it out of the fridge, heated it and placed it on the dining table while Jess fished out red wine and glasses.

I shook my head, "Bring out the champagne bottle. We'll be all French and Italian today,"

She smirked and got right to work.

Everything was ready within a half of an hour and Ray asked me to invite my friend over. So, I called him and he picked up on the third ring.

"Christian Grey," he snapped,

"It's me, Ana"

"Oh, Anastasia. I apologize, I thought it was work,"

"Yeah, no problem. I called you to tell you that we're ready for dinner and we are waiting for you,"

He sighed on the line, "I was hoping you'd forget,"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, sure, you show up after eleven years and I'd just forget about that,"

"A man can wish. I'll be there at the earliest convenience,"

He hung up. I stared at the phone and turned to look at my family. Jess was helping dad tie up the living area and Ellen was shifting the cake from the stand to a plate.

Ray looked at me, "What'd he say?"

I was still frowning. Who says that? "He said he'll be here at the earliest convenience,"

His eyebrows shot up, "That's a...rare form of articulation."

I nodded, a smirk on my lips. He was still in the 1800s or what?

"He sounds weird. I mean, what does that even mean?"

I chuckled, "He means he'll be her ASAP, Jess."

And the bell rang and I walked over to open the door. He was wearing the same blue pant and the white shirt but a blue jacket over it. Completing the set and looking much more formal.

His lips parted for a second and then turned into a slight but sexy smile, "You look... exquisite,"

I giggled, "You are like a walking old dictionary. Nobody uses that word anymore,"

He shrugged and his eyes flashed over my head. I turned and found my sisters already beside me grinning like idiots. I laughed, "That's Jess and Ellen,"

"You both have matures so well," he smiled at my sisters who looked at me.

"He was there when you both were born," I grinned at them.

"You both look beautiful," Christian said and I let him inside, leading him to the sofa where dad was standing.

Ray took a few steps forward and smiled at him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr Steele," Christian held up his and Ray took it giving his arm a fatherly pat.

"Pleasure's all mine, kid. I am so proud to look at you all grown up, bug guy,"

Christian just smiled, "Thank you, Dr Steele,"

"Come on, the dinner's ready."

I slid in beside Christian while the girls sat in front of us and Dad sat across me, passing the bottle to Ellen, "Oh, of course," she excused and stood up to pour us all the champagne.

"Thank you," Christian politely said after she seated herself.

"Let's start the celebration," Ray held the glasses up with a grin and we all clinked our glasses together.

What are we celebrating?" Christian frowned,

Dad opened his mouth,

"Nothing. Just like a little family time," I cut in

"It's Ana's birthday." Jess narrowed her eyes at me when I lied,

"Oh." Christian whispered and glanced down at me, "You didn't tell me. I would have—"

I hushed him, "There's no need. You know I don't like gifts." I whispered to him. His mouth pressed in a hard line but he didn't say anything.

Ellen and I started plating the linguine on to each other's plates as everyone fell silent, waiting for their turn.

"There you go, Christian," I served the last plate and smiled at him, settling down the cutlery in front of him.

"Can we dig in?" Jess asked,

Ray nodded and everybody followed suit. Digging into their plates and everybody groaned collectively. I grinned, I didn't know why not everybody cooked because this moment was the only that made me love it.

"It's heaven," Jessamie said with mouthful of pasta in her mouth and Ellen moaned in agreement.

Ray laughed, "What happened to our manners, young lady?" He looked at me and grinned, "Bless you," I smiled at him.

"It's truly delicious, Ana," Christian whispered,

I smiled, "Thank you, Christian. I am so happy to have you,"

Ray nodded, "She missed you,"

Christian glanced at me with a sad smile on his face and I looked up at him, completely forgetting about everybody.

"So, Christian," Ray started the dinner conversation, and we broke our contact, "How's everyone in the family? Your grandparent and the kids? Mia? Elliot?"

"They're wonderful, sir. Everyone's doing fine. My grandparents have moved to Hemington in their farmhouse..."

Christian and Ray went on discussing the earthquake that had just hit and that his grandparents were fine but many people lost their loved ones and had no shelters but I kept looking at him, unable to believe that he was beside me when I thought that his graduation would be the last time I would see these grey eyes, this messy copper hair. The only difference was that he'd matured, become more muscular and had a medium stubble.

As weird as it felt to have him with me, it seemed like it was just yesterday he left and nothing had changed. The heaviness and the burden of responsibility I carried with myself came down to being the girl I was when I was with him.

Jake and Kate have been my friends as long ago as my memory could take me but being with Christian was different from both of them. I shared everything with them, even more so to Kate and Jacob than Christian but we were still different. We connected on a level we didn't even know and that was frustrating as if I was missing the obvious.

"So, Christian, what do you do?" Ray asked, taking a sip of his champagne,

"I am the CEO of Grey Enterprise Holdings." He didn't look in our eyes when he talked about it. Was something wrong? He always wanted to work for GEH, didn't he?

Ray's eyes shot up, impressed, "What type of a company is it?"

Christian opened his mouth to answer,

"Acquisition and Mergers. He has been on the list of Hemington's youngest billionaires for five consecutive years." Elle cut him off in one breath, her eyes wide

We all stared at her.

She blushed, "I am sorry." She glanced up at Christian, apologetically, "I am a business student and I have admired the way you work and how you took over such an empire at that young age... but I shouldn't have-"

"It's absolutely fine." Christian shook his head, smiling.

I reached for his hand beneath the table and squeezed it, I didn't say anything but I was sure that my eyes conveyed how proud and happy I was of him. He had finally achieved what he had hoped for all along. His eyes melted and he smiled down at me but then an unfathomable emotion flickered across his face that looked troubling.

Jess gasped, "You are rich!"

"That is some seriously impressive work. You should be proud." Dad remarked, avoiding Jess's comment,

"Thank you, Dr. Steele." He nodded. He did not look proud, happy or even concerned about it. Was it something he did not really want to do?

"So, are you here on business?" Dad kept on the conversation.

He looked uncomfortable for a fraction of second, "I am afraid not. I have suspended proceedings for now and handed over the business to my father, Carrick Grey."

Elle frowned. I knew she was weighing different outcomes of his decision. I sighed.

"And what does your mother do?" Ray asked, curiosity getting the better of him. He realised he was being pushy, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just I never met your parents"

Christian tensed at this, his face paled. I snapped up, bringing myself out of my reverie. Billionaire or not, he would react the same way as he always had.

"Dad, she is a doctor." I cut in, panicked, my eyes focused on Christian, trying to gauge his reaction. His eyes bored into his plate.

"Really?" He looked at me, his eyebrows pulled up in interest, "What kind of a doctor is she?"

I gritted my teeth and gave a tight shook of a head in his direction and mouthed 'No' to him. He stared at me in confusion.

"She was a paediatrician," Christian replied and my head snapped at him, his face was set in a hard line, every feature stressed.

Dad heard the 'was' and decided to close the topic, looking embarrassed and afraid that he had stepped over the line.

I cleared my throat, "Oh, Christian, what's Mia doing nowadays?" I lightened my tone. Mention of his sister could always lighten him up and I hoped it still worked.

His posture did not relax, but his eyes melted, "She likes to mess with my finances," he chuckled, "Her newfound venture is a chain of her own designer clothes"

"Of course," I muttered, smiling, "Mia's Christian's sister. My schoolmate," I explained to no one in particular and leaned towards Jess, "You would have loved her if you'd gotten the chance. She's just like you. Overloaded with excitement and a magnet for trouble" I teased,

She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me, "I am sure, we are just two people who like being happy."

Giggles and chuckled broke the ice and Christian relaxed, joining in. The conversation broke into each one of our embarrassing stories and moments of pride. Dad's chest bloated out every time his girls went on with the other's achievements. I just smiled every time.

When the desserts came, Ray was already gone with his colleague to attend to an emergency. Christian looked down at me and said, "You truly look lovely tonight"

I grinned, "Just like I always do."

After the dinner was over, we walked around the beach quietly while Jess and Elle complained about their stomach being too full that they would burst any moment. We didn't say anything else. I was still processing him being a CEO and the coldness and stress whenever his company was mentioned.

After I had put the girls to bed and Christian had went home, I slipped into a sweatshirt and slid into the blanket on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and fiddling with my mom's pendent. The door thudded and I flinched,

"It's me." The figure in the dark spoke softly from the door

"Come in, Dad." I propped myself up on the bed,

He walked in, moonlight shining on his warm face and slid in beside me, "Girls?"

"They went to sleep early today," I choked, my voice hoarse. I didn't realize that my throat was thick,

"You liked your gifts?" He asked, ignoring the emotions burning on my face. He knew well to comfort me.

"I loved them," I whispered slowly, if I tried to keep my voice on its normal hearing range I would end up in hysterics,

He nodded and snaked his arms around my shoulder, I snuggled close to him, resting my head on his shoulder, "Happy Birthday, Anastasia. I love you and I am so proud of you,"

I nodded.

"Honey, it's okay to cry when you want to."

"I am okay, dad." I cleared my throat, "I really am."

He pressed his cheek to my head and we sat silently together.

"Why did you do it?" I asked,

"Do what?"

"Accept mom with us?"

He kissed my head, "You were the most beautiful person I had ever saw. I wanted my daughter since the day I saw her crying on the staircase."

I smiled in the darkness, "I was jealous of mom when you married her and not me."

He chuckled, "What?" He voice was amused. I laughed because it was silly.

"You were my best friend. I came to visit you and you came to visit me but then you married mom." I stated, and as childish as it was my tone was as if I was still offended over it.

His shoulder shook slightly with a laugh, "I'm sorry but that was the only way I could be with you."

"Did you love her?" I snuggled closer to him,

"Who couldn't love a woman who raised a woman like you?"

"You would have been a popular guy in school, huh?" I giggled, teasing him. He had to know how the female doctors and nurses reacted when he saw him.

"Why?"

"You are so good at it! I get why women still fall on their knees for you."

"I do have my charms but I meant what I said."

"You sure did."

"Yes, I did. Now, have a goodnight's sleep, Annie." He lightly withdrew his hands, tucked me in the bed and walked out, closing the door behind him.

I stared at the moon for hours but sleep had other plans for me as usual. I resigned and got up, climbing down the stairs and tiptoeing out of the house.

His room was still brightly lit. Would it be polite if I knocked the door? I mean, he wouldn't sleep with the lights on, right?

I decided to ring the bell just one time. I waited for a minute and turned to leave when the door clicked open.

"Ana?"

I turned, "I'm sorry. I saw your lights open and—"

"That's not a problem. Come in. I couldn't sleep, either."

His house was an interior replica of ours, except there was no life in it. The hall was a plain white, with a luxurious large brown sofa and a large Television in front of it. The house didn't have any décor item, a wall hanging or any greenery around. Pale, white and grey.

He gestured me to sit on the sofa and I cuddled in, bring my legs to my hips.

"I'll get you a blanket. Would you like some coffee?" He asked,

"Sure."

He handed me the steaming cup and sat beside me, crossing his legs

"You live alone?" I asked, looking around at the huge empty apartment.

"My staff would be joining me tomorrow." He replied in a dead tone

"Your staff?"

He smiled, "I can't cook and I don't like to drive myself."

"Right. Billionaire." I nodded to myself, rolling my eyes, "but what about others? Mia? Elliot?"

"I live alone, Anastasia. People usually do."

"My bad,"

"What about your work?" He leaned in, bringing his mug to his lips

"I used to work in Publication of Bridgeville as fiction editor. I resigned and decided to take a break, just like you." I shrugged

He nodded, "Do you have any plans?"

"I have applied for jobs at Hemington, actually. Once I get it, I'll move." I frowned at the possibility. Dad, Ellen and Jess, would they be able to fend for themselves?

"I can send in a few recommendations for you?"

"No. that's fine." I shook my head,

Before he could get a chance to persuade me further, I changed the topic, "I am sorry about the dinner, though. Dad did not know about your mother."

Christian stiffened. Okay, so that wasn't the best topic to choose.

"Don't worry about that." He shook his head, "I have got past her."

I narrowed my eyes. The way he tensed at her mention didn't really give that impression. This still didn't change. I pushed myself closer to him, "Come on, look at you. You clearly miss her. No matter how old you are or how much time has passed since she left."

I knew it was a sensitive topic but being in denial mode never did any good. I knew I was being too pushy as soon as he gritted his teeth. No matter how much I thought I knew him, it was still a fact that we'd grown apart and there was a distance between us, a wall made by the years.

He looked away, his jaw clenching.

"You loved her, you cannot get past her." I whispered before I could stop myself.

"You haven't changed, have you?" He said, bitterly, "You know I have always been repulsive about this and still?" His voice raised an octave higher.

"No, I haven't" I snapped when rose his voice at me. Now, there was no going back so I decided to fuck it and just say it, "You didn't change either."

He glared at me, "She left me at the age of six with a three-year-old and an irresponsible rich father and I am still supposed to love her!?" He bellowed,

I recoiled.

He took in a deep breath, alarmed at my reaction, "I am sorry, Ana. Just don't talk about it." He didn't look at me and kept his mug on the table, reaching to my hand and taking it into his,

"Okay, I am sorry, too."

He stared at me, looking at me like he missed me with those intense, sincere grey eyes. I know I was hallucinating.

I broke the eye contact. I still felt that and I didn't want to feel it again.

"So, CEO, huh?" I withdrew my hand purposefully, lightening the conversation to break the intensity,

He sighed and nodded, gazing at his knotted fingers. Clearly, my efforts weren't much helping.

"I just wanted to tell you that I am so proud of you. You achieved everything you ever wanted."

He suddenly looked at me as if I was so wrong about what I said. Like every fibre of his being wanted to deny my statement. I don't know if I was just imagining it or it was real that I could still read him.

He finally spoke, "I didn't get everything," his eyes passed me a strange glance that I didn't understand, "and what I did, I am starting to lose it,"

I frowned, unsure what to say, comforting seemed like the best to do, "A vacation can put many things in its place. And, I am there to sort it out with you." I smiled, softly.

This reaction was the least bit expected. His whole body shivered ever so slightly, his face hardened and he jerked to stand up,

"You don't have to sought anything of mine." He said in a detached tone, his eyes behind my head, not looking at me, "It's late, you should leave."

I stood up, "Did I say something wrong?" My eyebrows pulled up, I was afraid that I had hurt him,

He looked at me, his face softening and his eyes looked in pain, "No, you did not. It's just late. Goodnight."

I wanted to know but I was out of words, "Goodnight, Christian." I managed to whisper in a low voice and almost ran out into the chilly night.


	4. De trop

I didn't have any idea where things exactly went wrong but I decided to forget about it. This wasn't anything new coming from him, he always ran away. And it looked like the best option...and the _only_ option because Christian Grey was disregarding my existence from every-and I mean, _every_\- fiber of his being. I did want to approach him, confront him and ask him what was wrong, after spending most of my time and mind over the question I had.

_What did I do?_

He would pass by the beach past me and pretend to type a message.

I knew he was pretending because _usually_, the keyboard is at the bottom of the display and not near the front camera. Pretending was downright childish. If he didn't want to talk to me, he could make it pretty clear by saying it out loud.

Two whole weeks passed but he was still busy 'typing messages' so I decided to leave it and give him a taste of his own medicine.

It wasn't like I didn't try to talk to him. I did but every time, it was just in vain. I had open my mouth- to ask him what was wrong when he'd drop by the café- and close it because he would sharply turn like I wasn't even there.

It was frustrating. I kept revising the whole conversation again and again and again but could never unearth one reason for this reaction.

He stayed indoors and rarely come out of his den. Nobody visited him except for once. A tall man, with a black crisp suit and shades did come with a short, pleasant-looking woman. Both of them looked like they were in their late thirties or early forties. I knew in a second who they were. His staff as he had said, but other than them, absolutely no one.

One evening, Jess had come to my room, panting.

"Ana! Look at this!" She had slammed the magazine on my table, stabbing her finger at it.

My frown relaxed and my eyes had widened, "Where did you find it?" I gasped,

"I was on the beach, doing my homework when saw this on the cover and..." She'd inhaled a deep breath, trying to calm her breathing down. I had no doubt that she came here running

It was surprising, or rather shocking. Disappointing, when the shock had settled. Why? When? Before he came here to Bridgeville? But _why?_ I could not even think of one thing that would be more important to him than this!

The magazine had Christian Grey, one of the youngest billionaires in the world on its cover. That was not what took me by surprise. The headline was something I had never foreseen.

"Christian Grey to abandon GEH to former CEO?" I read aloud,

Abandon?

He had said that he had taken a break and not _abandoned_ it. Was it just exaggeration by the paparazzi? I had opened the magazine to look into it further and I must say, It was worse.

**_CEO of Grey Enterprise Holding and one of the youngest billionaires, Christian Grey seems to have abandoned his company. It has been reported that he had sold his 51% shares and stormed out of the building._****_Our sources inform us that Christian Grey had a heated argument with the former CEO and current Vice President, Carrick Grey._****_The reason for the argument remains a mystery._****_Our reporters had tried to question Carrick Grey this morning but the questions went unheard._****_No statement has been released by the authority regarding the sudden havoc. Will Carrick Grey take over? Stay tuned with-_**

I'd smashed it close. He sold his shares. Not took a break. Was this the reason he had been so stressed whenever his company was mentioned? I didn't know.

I wanted to ask him about it the following days, but couldn't. I had restrained myself to even look at the newspapers or magazines from then on.

I was standing near my window looking at the orange sky, looking at the sunny yellow mix with the bright orange in the evening sky. The cafe was closed today. Mrs. Powel wanted to visit her husband's grave and Jacob was with her so I had nothing left to do.

My portfolio was shortlisted in a few publications but none of them really excited me. I planned or rather wanted to stay a little longer.

My eyes jerked to awareness when I saw Christian move out of his house. His eyes stayed at the side of my house and then he looked up at my window. I gasped and then realized that he could not see me in the evening sky with the lights still closed. His eyes lingered on the window, his chest bloated and relaxed. A sigh, it seemed. His hands ran through his hairs and he looked up again, this time, his gaze stayed longer, a look of a man in pain on his face. I so much wanted to reach out to him but he had to let me.

My mind churned, turning up and down, right and left. Why did he look up like that? Even though I didn't want to think about it, I was dreading to know it.

He was so confusing. First, he talks to me like we have never been apart, then he pretends to be detached and asks me to leave and then he looks up at my window with his eyes deep as an ocean? It has to be one thing. Either he doesn't care or he does. _Arrogant fool._

"Ana!" The shout came from downstairs and I flinched,

"What's wrong?" I yelled back

"Come down here."

I sighed and climbed down. Jess was sitting on the sofa, her legs stretched and a laptop on her lap. She beamed at me.

Elle was sitting on the dining table with her books spread all over, looking between us.

"You got a job!"

My eyes narrowed down to the gadget, and I glared at her. It was mine.

"It's a big publication" She stressed the word, her eyes widening.

"Jess," I kept my hands on my waist, "what did we talk about privacy?" I scolded

"It pinged!" She defended.

"Give it to me." I smacked her legs out of the way and sat there, as my eyes narrowed down to the email. It was not an email for being shortlisted and called for an interview. It was an acceptance. The company's name brought in the fury I had never felt on my sisters before. I closed the laptop with a low bang and Jess and Ellen flinched on my side. I stood up,

"What the hell, Jessamie?" I hissed,

"Ana, you can't still be angry! He is our-"

"Jess!" I bellowed before the word could come out of her mouth, "Go to your room." I ordered, my own voice was a stranger to me.

"But Ana!"

"Do you not hear me, kid? Or are you going to cross me now?"

"Ana, please calm down." Ellen whispered behind me, her hands squeezing my shoulders, tightly, "What's wrong?" She asked

I bent down to the sofa and handed her the laptop. I didn't see her reaction when she read it but it couldn't have been excitement,

"I want to meet him." She whispered, her eyes staring at the floor,

"Jess!" Elle warned,

"What did you just say?" My voice was menacingly low,

"I want to meet him!" Her face was determined, now, her voice more stable.

This was it. I stepped forward, gripping her arm and dragged her across the threshold,

"Ana!" Elle called after me,

Jess just stared at me, her eyes filled with hurt and pain. If I wasn't so out of control, I would have winced at her expressions. I almost threw her in front of the door,

"Go meet that asshole, then," I shouted at her,

"He's not an asshole! He is our father, Ana and he wants to give you a job at AiKa!"

"I don't care about that job," I hissed, "and it's none of your goddamn business,"

She crossed her hands in front of her chest, "Okay but meeting my father would be my business, don't you think? Now, finally, when he'd contacted us?"

I had never heard myself so loud before, "Okay then, go! Leave Ray alone because he was stupid to think of us as his own, leave _me_ because I was an idiot to mother you when I was barely a child myself!"

She narrowed her eyes at me, "It's always about you,"

"Jess, stop it." Elle warned again.

"No, I won't! I don't understand why she's so insecure about us meeting our father. If she doesn't want to meet him then she can go ahead and fuck herself but stopping us? That's a height of insecurity!"

My hand flew before I could stop it and smashed across her cheeks, her hairs flew across her face. She shoved them off, turning to look at me with frightened, angry and unbelieving eyes.

"How dare you?" I whispered and tears fell off my face. I ran out of the house, pushing Jess to the side.

The beach was quiet as always. I sat on the hot sand and brought my legs to my stomach, hugging them close to me. This was the place I had often come to shed off the tears that threatened to fall off my face. The beach was only crowded on Sundays, fortunately.

"Anastasia?" His voice asked, alarm and shock laced,

"G-Go away." I choked,

"Why are you crying?" His voice was at the level of my ears now.

I looked up at him and wiped my tears off, "That's none of your business." I said in a strangled voice and winced. My hand hurt.

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine."

He grabbed my hand and I tried to free it off but he was stronger, he turned it around, examining it. It was an alarming shade of pink, "Did you hit someone?" His eyebrows shot up,

I looked away. He took that as a yes.

"Who?" It was almost a growl,

"My sister." I retorted

"What happened?" He asked, his voice softening immediately,

"She wanted to meet her father."

He frowned, "Ray?"

I shook my head, "Isaac Kay, our biological father. He emailed me an acceptance letter in his company and Jess wanted me to take it. She said she wants to meet him and I was keeping her from it." I blabbered. There was something about his eyes that took the word out of my mouth.

"What does your father think about it?"

"He thinks he has no right to stop us." I stared down, shrugging

"And Mrs. Steele?"

I frowned. He did not know. He had left the town before I lost my mother. "She died, Christian." I whispered

"What?" He asked in surprise, his mouth open, "when?"

"Why do you think she didn't join us for dinner?"

He frowned, "I didn't think..." He trailed off, "When?"

"Eleven months after you left. She was suffering from lung cancer."

"I didn't know she couldn't make it," He shook his head, "I'm so sorry, Ana. It must have been so hard."

My lips quivered, "I am tired of this. Of being in charge. I want her back."

He snuggled closer to me, encircling his arm around my shoulder, "It will be okay."

"I don't think you should restrict them, though." He said after a few minutes, "At the end of the day, he is their father. They'd want to meet him."

I stiffened and recoiled from him, standing up. He looked hurt at my reaction, "You may go on and ignore me, Christian. I don't want your advice or your sympathy."

He closed his eyes and when he opened them, they were burning, "Ana..."

Vibration hit my head and he blurred, my stomach jolted, violently and I threw my hand trying to get some support but they just caught air. The walls started closing in and my eyes struggled to be open,

"Ana!" His voice seemed miles away when it rang in my eardrums.

I knew I was falling into darkness but then warm hands caught me before I hit the hot sand and then there was absolutely no light.


	5. Forgiven

**A\N**

**Another chapter! This had consumed a lot of my time to articulate and is very dear to me. Hope you like it, too. I have proofread the chapters that I had posted before and found some silly and embarrassing spelling errors. Trust me, I dont do spelling mistakes. Sorry!**

**Now, there's a promise: NEXT CHAPTER is going to be a ROLLER COASTER. The BIG REVEAL ! One of our very own Christian Grey's secret will be revealed along with incident/incidents from past and it will be a heartbreaker for our Ana. But she'll cope. With him.**

**I'll update soon...**

* * *

"Mommy." I sniffle, "Don't fight with daddy." She looks at me with red eyes.

"Go in your room, Ann."

"Why?" Daddy shouts at her, "She is the reason for all of this!"

"Don't you dare get my daughter in between this." She shouts back, "She has nothing to do with it."

He laughs without humor. Daddy's face is so strange and scary, "I. Am. Tired. Of. Her." Daddy points at me. He looks funny. Mommy says he's drunk and that I am too small to understand it. I told her I am not small, I am five. She did not listen.

"Where did you go!?" She screams and I put my hand on my ears. She pulls her hairs from their roots and doesn't stop screaming. Daddy stands like my rock because when I talk to it, it doesn't answer. I feel angry. Daddy is causing pain to Mommy.

She says that she'll go to that woman and runs to the door, Daddy runs behind her, slaps her and I cry out. He holds her by her leg and grabs her. She falls and hits her head. I grab Daddy back but he is heavy.

I hit his arm with mommy's favorite vase and it shatters into pieces. He turns with a jerk, clutching his hand. It's bleeding. I hate blood. He slaps me and I fall.

"Shit." His eyes are wide and his arms outstretched, "I am so, so sorry, Ann!" He moves towards me.

I cry, "My mommy!" crawling away from him

"Go to your room, Ann" She whispers,

_Go to your room, Ann_

_Go to your room..._

_Jess! __Go to your room_.

_Jess! Did I really slap her?_

_Jessamie! Jessamie..._

My eyes snapped open, my ears were still ringing and the surroundings were a blurry chaos. My head seemed like it carried a truck on it, my eyes wet with fresh silent tears that fell like a waterfall from the corners of my eyes. It was the nightmare, no doubt.

I wiped them away. No tears for that man. The seed of hatred had been growing since then.

I still remember the day when he had picked mom up in his arms and laid her on the sofa. She was half-conscious. He had pleaded his case with her and his five-year-old daughter after he was back in his senses. I wish my mother was strong. Strong enough that she wouldn't have waited for him to cheat on her again till she filed a divorce.

You'd think I was just five, six and what would I have known? But memory works in mysterious ways and crawls upon you at funny times; that's when you get the magnitude and the meaning of whatever had happened.

And I had a strong memory.

Many parents got divorced. Yes. But aren't they consoled by their parents that _they_ were not the reason? Not every child is openly blamed for it, are they?

I looked around. The memories were coming back to me in an entangled hullabaloo. I tried to get up but it felt like my whole body was a jigsaw. I had to find and fix it first to be able to move it. My hands and legs weighed a ton. I looked around and frowned.

It took me a fraction of second to understand where I was. The conventional white room was hard not to recognize. There was a lamp beside me and I was in a bed. A bed with railings. It couldn't have been a long period of time because the large window to my right led the way to a dull evening.

I recalled how I went into darkness, and as I began to recollect the pieces, I looked frantically everywhere in search of him, my hand ready to support me to pull my body up. My hand jerked to where it came from. An IV tube was attached to my hand

A gentle voice commanded, "Ana, calm down."

My eyes blurred as they focused on the kind feminine face, "Hi, Nora..." I called the well-acquainted nurse by her name.

She chuckled, "Hey, Ana. You are fine, love," She moved around to place the food-loaded tray on the table beside me. Coffee, pizza and a chocolate moose in it. Definitely not the food you'd expect in a hospital. Being the daughter of the famous head surgeon did have its perks.

"My head is throbbing," I complained, groaning

She smiled, "Don't worry. You have some painkillers in you." She pressed a button below my thighs and the bed moved, tilting up so that I was in an almost sitting position,

"Now, you just need to have food." She went on, placing the tray in front of me.

"What happened to me?" I tilted my head to the side,

"Your blood pressure dropped." She crossed her hands, "You know, you almost gave your father a coronary when your...friend rushed in with you."

I gasped. Christian! "Where is he?"

She rolled her eyes, "Had a surgery that he was forced to attend. Didn't wanna leave you for a sec."

"It wasn't so serious." I sighed, shaking my head, disapprovingly.

She gave me an exasperated look, "It could have been."

I huffed and got to the real question I meant to ask. I knew Ray's reaction since the moment I opened my eyes to the white blinding light. "What about the guy who brought me here?"

"He just left" she frowned, "Kept staring at you for a while and left the room when Ray came in."

I closed my eyes. I was getting used to the confusion he always jolted me with.

Ray walked inside the room when I finished my dinner putting it to the side. Apparently, it would take a few hours for me to get discharged than a normal patient with a low B.P.

He sat at the foot of the bed and rested his hand on my knees, "How are you?" his voice was low. Tired and stressed.

Guilt gushed through my veins but I grunted, keeping my tone mocking, "Like a hostage held in a cage."

He glared at me, "I _had _to keep you in front of my eyes. You have never fainted before."

"I know. I am sorry." I sighed,

He leaned in, "Elle is waiting for you at home. She has been worried."

I frowned, "How did she know?"

"She called your phone and I answered. Jess was sorry for her behaviour."

"You know." I whispered, stating the obvious.

He nodded, "I don't know what to say-"

"I'm sorry, dad. I shouldn't have behaved like that."

"She's your sister, Ana. I have always given you the charge because I trust you. Okay?"

"You are not...mad?"

He shook his head, "She shouldn't have brought it up, but," His gaze became more intense, "if _she _wants to go then we can't_ stop_ her."

I gritted my teeth but decided to leave the topic, "I want to go now, dad, please. I am absolutely fine."

He clicked his tongue, "Ana."

"Please?" I stressed,

"I'll call you a taxi." He resigned, getting up to his feet.

"I'll manage. Just make the discharge papers ready, will you?"

"Already done." He smiled and then it faded, turning into a stressed line, "There's a package on your desk. _Open _it." He stressed the word making it come out as an order.

I got into the setting evening, the leaves were darkening as the sun was taking its last whiff of the sky and the crickets, gurgling. I took in a long breath and fished out my phone out of my pocket. A car horn startled me as the windows dropped down and the man I saw outside his house leaned across the passenger seat,

"Ms. Steele?" He said in a deep voice,

"Yes?"

"I'm Jason Taylor. Mr. Grey's CPO. I am asked to take you home." He said in a learned, robotic voice.

I was frustrated, "I can afford my own ride." I replied, sternly.

His face didn't show any kind of emotion, "Mr. Grey insists, ma'am."

I huffed, "Why does he?"

He looked troubled for a second, "Mr. Grey was concerned about your health." He seemed uncomfortable,

I rolled my eyes, "Right..."

He walked out of the car, opening the door of the backseat for me, "Ma'am?"

I sat in the car, grumbling. What did he want to prove by this?

My pocket vibrated and I answered the call,

"Hello?" My voice was rough,

"Whoa, there. Someone's grumpy today." The voice brought a tiny twitch of lips before breaking into a smile,

"Hey, Jake," I said in a softer tone,

He chuckled, "Hey, hammer. What's up?"

"Chaos," I replied, sighing,

"What's wrong?"

"I'll meet you and tell you everything. How's Kate? Did she get there safely?"

"She did. You didn't call her?" He seemed surprised,

"Couldn't. Have been busy."

He was silent at the other end,

"How's Mrs. Powel and...you?"

"We're good. Mom talked to Dad for a while today." His voice was filled with contempt. I immediately felt relaxed at his calmness.

"That's great, Jacob."

"How about we meet at the cafe and talk about your chaos?"

"How about a bar instead?" I asked,

"The Anastasia Steele wants to go to a bar willingly?" He mocked,

"Yup."

"Okay, then. Will pick you up in an hour," He paused, 'Kate will be there, too" I could sense the grin at the other side,

"She came here already!?"

"For the weekend. Yes." He replied, chuckling at my enthusiasm

"See ya" I hung up.

I opened the door, passing a look at his house when the silence caught me off-guard. The aftermath I had ran away from was clear as a raindrop.

I kept my bag at the table and climbed upstairs that was when I heard the shouting,

"Why, Jess? Why did you do it? You could've killed her! You knew how she'd react!" I'd never heard her shout before. Her voice was shaky but loud.

I heard sobbing, "I didn't-"

"Don't you dare say that you didn't know," She shouted, "You knew exactly what would happen. You are the reason she's -"

"Ellen," I muttered as I entered the room, "Stop it."

"Ana!" Jess cried and ran into my arms, "I was so scared!"

"Hush, now, Jess. All is fine." I ran my hands across her back,

"I am sorry" She sobbed harder, hugging me tighter

"You don't need to be." I gently pushed her away, not letting go off of my hands on her shoulders, "You just wanted to see your _father _and that is hardly a crime."

"Ana..." She whispered, "Please don't do this to me. "

"I am not doing anything, Jess. I just don't have the right to stop you."

"That's not true!" Her voice broke, "Forgive me"

"I'm trying not to be _insecure._" She looked down at the floor, embarrassed by the word I threw back at her, "Tell me when you need to go. I'll book your tickets."

She just stared at me. I had to pull my gaze away. I couldn't believe in myself to be anymore cruel and cold but the words kept knocking me off as I saw my sister's face, they were enough not to let the tough facade wash away.

Turning to Elle, I asked, "Should I book a ticket for you as well?"

"Ana, you need to take rest. We can talk about it later." She pleaded

"Should I book tickets for you or not?" I asked again,

"No." She replied, her voice tensed, "Now, please take some rest."

I nodded and muttered, "Let me know, Jess," I said as I walked out of the room.

A thin package was there as Dad had said. I took it and sat at the foot of the bed, tearing the brown paper apart. The package contained a thin sack of paper. The handwritten paper first caught my eyes,

_Dear Ann,_

_I knew you wouldn't reply to my mail so I had to send you something that you cannot ignore. You might not remember my hatred for letters because they waste so much time but this time it was the only way I could reach my daughter making it different._

_I tried contacting you so many times but you won't answer. I tried everything but it was always in vain. I know, you hate me. I deserve it. What I did was not fair to you or your mother and I have been very late in realizing that. I am hoping it's not too late._

_Your mother and I had differences that we couldn't sort in time. We were young, immature and insane. Neither of us wanted you to get hurt in this and that is the burden that destroyed us. It was never your fault. It was mine._

_I am dying, Ana. They say that I can live for almost an year and that I got _lucky._ How can I tell them that even a whole lifetime wouldn't bring my luck back to me. My luck, my life was you and I lost it._

_I know, that this is an extremely poor effort to make it up to you because I know, I can't. I have snatched away the world you deserved to see, the love you deserved to feel and the father you deserved to have but I want you to get the success you deserve. I want this publication to be yours after me._

_I have talked to the place you worked before and they have been impressed by how fast you have grown. I have kept tabs on your work and you have got an eye for up and coming writers; you had be an accet for any company you work for and I would hate to see my daughter in any other building, working in a place she's less appreciated and more exploited when she is capable of running her own company. I knew you would want nothing to do with me and would probably never accept favors from a stranger that I have become, that's how your mother was, but consider it a dying man's last wish who loves you more than his own life. I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused you and I know it will never be enough but I'll always love you._

_It's your company, Ana. __It always was, it will always be._

AiKa - Anastasia Isaac Kay

_All my love,_

Y_our father_

My hands trembled as I re-read the letter, tears streaming down my face. He was _dying. _My mind involuntarily went back to all the times I had jumped in his arms and the times he had carried me on his shoulders.

_He was dying, Ana. You can't hold grudges against a dying man! He doesn't even know he has two other daughters!_

I rushed downstairs and found the laptop on the sofa left untouched. I quickly opened it and typed a reply to his email.

**Mr. Kay,**

**I am so sorry to hear about your condition but I can't accept your**

I deleted the message. I _can't__? _I didnt know how to respond to his message. Accepting his offer didn't seem like the legacy I was brought up with but my inner-conscious was screaming that it was just arrogance and my ego that was standing in the way but I couldn't go back to the things we left with?

I started typing again,

**Mr. Kay,**

**I couldn't believe my eyes when I read about the condition you are in. It was, to be honest, hard to believe. As much as I want, things cannot go to as they were but we**

I inhaled a deep breath but the next sentence was hard to write, it created an invisible barrier between my finger and the keyboard but I had to gather the courage and put my ego to the side,

**...can try. I might never be able to acknowledge you as my father because that would be unfair to the man who had put his whole life to raise me to be the woman I am.**

**This company will be always yours, Mr. Kay but I won't decline your offer. I am ready to accept your company.**

**I might not love you the way I should but I can't bring myself to _not _care.**

**I would be joining you by the end of this month if that's alright. Please take good care of yourself. I'll meet you soon.**

**Anastasia Steele**

"Don't you think he deserves to know about his other daughters?" I flinched. Dad was standing behind me with his hands in his pocket,

I nodded, "I'll tell him when it's time."

He raised his eyebrows at the choice of my words, "Time? He doesn't have time,"

I already knew he was in this with my biological father.

"I mean, when I meet him."

He nodded, "You need to forgive him, Ana."

I glared at him, "I cannot."

"Lewis B. Smedes once said that forgiving someone is like setting a prisoner free only to realise that the prisoner was you." He bent down, pressing a kiss to my forehead,

The line hit me as it was meant to, "But after what he did to me?"

He smirked at me, the other line ready, obviously, "Forgiveness cannot change the past but it does enlarge the future."

I huffed, "Boesse?"

"I am afraid so." He smiled at me, "Tell him."

I resigned and turned to screen, entering one last paragraph at the end,

**My mother gave birth to two daughters after you left her. She did want to tell you but you never replied to any of her calls. They were twins. Ellen Marilyn Steele and Jessamie Anastasia Steele (left and right respectively) They both are eighteen now and I have attached there photos below. I am sorry that you got to know about them so late. Also, Isaac, I forgive you for everything, really.**


	6. Past of The Present

**A/N**

**Hello to all the beautiful readers out there!**

**Now, this is what I wanted to give you, man! Longest chapter till now! I was planning to post it a little earlier but this chapter was difficult to write. So much is happening! But I have tried my best to give you the roller coaster you deserve! **

**I will**** replied to all the lovely reviews on my FanFiction profile**. **Next chapter coming up soon! **

**Keep the reviews coming!**

**Love,**

**VA Adeles**

* * *

"My brave little girl," Dad whispered behind me as I pressed the 'send' button.

I smiled up at him, "Thanks, Dad. For everything,"

"Anytime," He mumbled, "How about we order Pizzas for today?" He said, straightening up,

"Umm...Dad, I am going to Hills tonight with Jake and Kate, if that's alright?" I hesitated. I was never a frequent visitor in bars.

His eyes shot up in surprise, "The bar around the corner?"

I nodded

"Er...Sure?" It came out as a question.

I laughed, "Dad, I just wanted to have some fun."

"Don't you think you should rest a little?"

"Nah, I'm fine. I just need to go. Is that a problem?"

He shook his head, trying to dismiss whatever was in his mind and then chuckled, "It's been a _while _since you have even said that word. Of course, you can go. You don't need to ask." He smiled and walked away to his room.

"Umm...Dad?" I peeked inside his room, my eyes stopping to the left,

He stopped with arranging his books back in his bookshelf, "Yes?" He asked, turning halfway,

I entered the room sitting at the side of his bed, "I was thinking to book tickets for the girls to meet Isaac sooner. They need more time with him. What do you think about it?"

He leaned on his desk and crossed his hands over his chest, "That's a very good decision, Annie. They do deserve more time with him."

I studied his face closely. There was absolutely no sign of distress, "How can you be so cool about us meeting Isaac?"

He walked over and sat beside me, "I love you all, Ana. Each one of you. You _are _my daughters but he is the reason for all of your existence. I can't deny that, love," He took my hand in his, "He has the right to know you all as much as I have and I and you cannot change it. I understand that you're scared. You have got hurt a lot by him and then by that...that tragedy and you are just trying to protect us all but you don't need to. You have to _live _your life and not be scared to live it. "

I beamed at him, "You know this wasn't what I asked? "

Corner of his lips pulled up, "I think, I covered everything on your mind, huh? "

I giggled, "As always."

"Kate!" I grab her in a long hug before letting her go and kissing her cheek. She wore a deep V-neck, an off-shoulder white crop top that was tied up in a knot just below her breasts, exposing most of her stomach, with light blue shaded denim. Standard Kate.

"Hey, Steele!" She shouted over the loud music, grinning at me, "You look hot!" She mouthed at me.

I smiled. I looked nothing compared to her. I wore a one-sided off-shoulder black glitter top with white shorts, "You don't look so bad yourself"

Jacob cleared his throat, "Hey, Ana?"

I grinned, "Hey, Jake!" I pulled him in for a long hug as well. Jacob was in his usual clothes. Black leather jacket and his white T-shirt.

The music was not my taste. Extremely loud and…violent. It was dark and different colours of light kept reflecting on our faces. Even though I knew that I didn't belong here, it was crazy that I was enjoying myself, all the bizarre things just a hum in the background. There was a long string of booths on the other side of the bar where white sofas were kept in an edgy 'C'.

I saved us a booth as Jake and Kate took off to get drinks. I looked around staring at the couples dancing close together, their bodies swaying in rhythm.

"Here's your martini." Jake pushed a glass towards me, taking his seat across me and following my line of view,

"Where's Kate?" I asked as my eyes fell upon the snacks he had bought along. Jalapeño poppers with cream cheese dip and nachos with salsa.

"She's coming. Found a friend." He replied, and took a sip of his own martini.

I nodded. Trust Kate to have her own social circle anywhere.

"So, what's the chaos you have ended up with?" He asked, turning his body towards me,

I sighed, "I slapped Jess."

His mouth hung open in response, "I can't imagine you hittin' someone, let alone your sister. What got in you?"

"She wanted to meet her father."

His face cleared from confusion and into understanding like that explained it all. I think it did because Jacob of all people knew how I'd react, "Is that all?" He added when I didn't say anything,

"My B.P. dropped and I fainted, does that count?" I muttered, casually.

His face changed colours then. It turned pale and then absolutely red, "And here you are talking like you're discussing the weather?" His voice was loud despite the healthy competition that the music around here was throwing at him,

I rolled my eyes, I couldn't handle another person's exasperation at myself, "I am fine, now, Jake. Really. I can't handle _you_ going Daddy around here."

He grumbled, "Sure thing."

"Isaac Kay wrote me a letter," I said, both in the attempt to change the topic and getting to the actual thing I was aching to tell him. I grabbed his full attention now and explained everything to him. Kate joined us then and I explained everything to her, too.

"I'm so sorry about Isaac, Ana." Kate took my hand in hers. I just smiled and nodded. I still wasn't sure what I felt about his illness.

"What are you gonna do now?" Jake asked,

"Of course, I'll join him. I was even planning to send the girls a bit earlier," I shrugged, "They have their summer break and they deserve more time with him,"

"You are coming to Hemington!" Kate squealed, all the martinis the reason for the squealy behavior, "_And _you're going to have your own company! We are gonna have a blast."

Jake looked irritated at Kate's trail of thoughts, "It'll be okay, Ana."

I smiled at him, "Of course, Jake. I am not stressed about it anymore. How about we dance this away?"

"That's my girl." Kate beamed and dragged me to the dance floor. Jake followed us behind, raising his eyebrows at me. Okay, so when I said 'we' dance this away, I only meant Kate. Jake and I both hated dancing in congested places like bars. Jake excused himself to the bar while I swayed a little along Kate till she became more invested in the guy beside her. I quietly made my way to Jake,

"Need a drink?" He asked, smirked,

I shook my head, "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

He rolled his eyes, "Of course, I am, mother hen"

"I'm going back to the booth to finish all those snacks. Wanna join?"

"You carry on. I'll get back to you." He replied, absent-mindedly looking over my shoulder. I followed his gaze to settle on a blonde, standing alone, jumping up and down.

I smirked and punched his shoulder, "Jerk."

He shrugged, "What can I say? I have my charms."

I went and sat down in the booth, my eyes on Jake as he walked over the blondie and went on with his usual confident stance. I finished my martini and ordered for another as I stuffed another bite of the poppers.

"A beautiful woman sitting all alone by herself?" A voice interrupted me,

I turned to look at the tall man. His face was thin and his shoulders broad, he looked slender otherwise. He was smiling down at me, his black eyes crinkling at the corners, weirdly, he instantly reminded of Elliot -not by looks but the charm his wide smile held-, Christian's older brother. Just a year gap. He wore a black T-shirt and blue denim.

I shrugged, "I guess so."

"Well, that's a very dangerous combination. I am Erik, by the way." He held out his hand,

I took it, shaking it slightly, "Anastasia Steele," I smiled, "Please, have a seat."

"Thank you." He said, sitting down next to me at a distance.

Out of nowhere, I spotted him, standing on the other side of the floor, sitting on a barstool, his chair turned to my side. Tall in white T-shirt and jeans, his muscles flexed in the black jacket he wore, his grey eyes bored into mine and he was scowling at me, his eyes roaming around the guy beside me and then settling on me. I frowned at him. What was wrong with him?

"So, Ana, what do you do for a living?" Eric asked,

"I was a fiction editor at the Publication of Bridgeville."

"I hear a but in your sentence" He frowned, his lips stretched into a smile,

"I resigned almost two-three weeks ago. I wasn't satisfied."

"That's great." He gave a cheeky grin. I couldn't help grinning back.

Knowing Christian was watching us, I pretended to be more cheerful and giggly than usual. I wanted to show him that I'd be happy even if he chose not to talk to me, it was immature but affective so I didn't care.

It was an easy conversation, though. It was always easy when I didn't have to be the one to initiate a topic. It felt good to be able to talk to someone except for the only two friends I have ever had, being the one who always found it difficult to enlarge her social circle.

He suddenly stopped speaking at all and his eyebrows pulled together, he leaned back and his face roamed up and down my body,

I shifted uncomfortably, "What?"

"Girl, how do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Look so damn beautiful" He grinned, proud of the joke. I rolled my eyes but let out a small laugh. I risked a glance at Christian. His scowl had deepened.

"Okay, so, now, my next drink is gonna be yours"

"Is this what you ask in return for complimenting a girl?" I chuckled,

He shook his head, earnestly, "It was the truth."

"So, how come the next drink's on me?" I was genuinely curious,

He leaned in, "Because I saw you and dropped mine."

I laughed out loud, that had to be some internet shit. "Do you-

My mouth closed when I saw Christian bolting towards us.

He skidded to a stop and Erik looked up at him, "Hey, man, d'ya need somethin'?"

"Get up," Christian said in a firm voice,

"Excuse me?" Erik frowned, confused, "Do you know me?"

"I asked you to get up."

"Christian!" I muttered, irritated, "What's wrong with you?"

His gaze lingered on me and then he moved forward and lifted the guy up with his elbow, "I said, get up and leave her alone." He growled,

Erik jerked his hand away, "Do not touch me." He hissed at him. Both of them towering upon each other yet not succeeding. They were both of the same height.

I sprinted up, "Christian, leave him!"

He left him at once and glared down at me, "Is he something to you?"

"What? Are you out of your mind?"

"Come on, now, we are leaving." Wait. What? _We?_ He grabbed me by my elbow and I jerked him away.

"No."

"Ana," He stressed again, the dominance still evident in his voice, "We are leaving. Now." He _ordered. _He started to reach my hand when Erik stopped him midway. My breath quickened as I scanned the bar. Few eyes were already turned to us but it seemed that the others were still enjoying themselves. The loud music seemed to do the trick.

Erik was the one to growl this time, "She said no."

"Stay away from this," Christian said in a low whisper which amazingly could be heard despite the deafening music,

This time Erik pushed Christian away, shoving his chest. My eyes widened. His hands curled up in a fist and I pushed myself between them, shielding Erik and shut my eyes close waiting for his hand to hit me instead. There was nothing. I slowly opened my eyes to see that hand had stopped just before it could reach me. I pressed my hand to his chest,

"Move, Christian, this is enough." All the eyes were on us and it was embarrassing.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell is going on?" It was Jake. I looked at him angrily, his worried gaze landed at me and then between both of them in confusion, "Let's take it down a notch, shall we?"

Nobody moved.

That was it. I turned to Erik, my eyes cast down, "Erik, please, drop it. He's my friend. I am extremely sorry for the embarrassment it caused you." His eyed me and he just walked away, gritting his teeth.

I turned to Christian, "What's wrong with you, Christian?" I shouted, not caring about eyes watching us.

"What were you trying to show here, Ana? Laughing with a man you don't know?"

I was infuriated, "What are you? My father? You are not even my friend, Christian! We don't even talk to each other!"

"Is this what this was all about?"

I huffed, "You know what? Just leave me alone."

"Ana-

"Don't you hear her, mister?" Kate's voice called, her fragile body shoving everybody aside and making its way towards us, "Who the hell is he?"

"Stay out of this, Kate." Jake pushed her behind him, "Ana, let's go home, alright?"

I nodded, passing a sideways glance at him. He stopped me, his hand, hooked in my top, "I'll take her home, Mr Powell."

"Look, Grey, I am generally not known for my patience and I have _been_ tonight with you embarrassing her and creatin' a scene. So, now, back off," He covered me behind him.

Christian didn't respond. His eyes were fixed at me.

I let out a long sigh, "Jake," I touched his arm, "I'll go with him." He looked at me with wide eyes, "I'll be safe. Will call you both when I reach."

He turned back to him, "Grey." His farewell held a long sense of warning and then he left. Kate kept glancing behind her but I just gave her an encouraging nod.

"Evening, Ms Steele. Mr Grey." His driver said as he got in the other side of the seat.

"Taylor." Christian greeted, rather arrogantly

My jaw tightened at the mere sight of him and I looked out of the window, taking in deep, calming breaths.

"What was that about?"

"What?" My voice held the right amount of irritation and anger.

"You with that stranger."

"What is it to _you,_ Christian?" I roared in anger, "People _talk_ to each other!"

"Not so intimately."

I rolled my eyes, "Heaven forbid, people should be like you. Deprived of human contact."

"It wasn't safe. You talking to a stranger like that and drinking. You had three martinis already when you were ordering another."

"You were..." I couldn't finish. My anger was palpable. "Why do you care?!"

I seemed at a loss. Loss of words, rare for him, "I don't know." He replied, petulant

"Just the explanation I was hoping for," I grunted, looking away

I dashed out of the car and banged the door shut and started to walk towards my house,

"Ana?" he called,

I turned to look at him with frustration, "What, Christian?"

"Nothing," He said after staring at me for a long moment, "Goodnight."

"Really? _Goodnight? _What are we doing now? Talking again?" My voice was louder than I had meant it to be.

"I didn't say that." He replied, his face unreadable,

"So, we're gonna pretend that we don't know each other?"

"Anastasia, I am not pretending like I don't know you."

I laughed, bitterly, "_Right._ So, you don't pretend to type messages whenever you see me. You get out of the hospital before I can wake up and then you don't send your _driver _to take me home instead of yourself? I mean, why bother?"

He looked away.

My jaws clenched and I walk over to him, closing the distance between us, "Now, you will listen to _me, _Christian Grey. If you don't want me in your life, I am completely fine with it," I paused, he shut his eyes close together for a second, "but then _you_ don't get to be in mine. You don't get to interfere in my life, tell me who to interact with or talk to me whenever you decide to. Am I clear?"

He stared at me for a prolonged minute and then his jaw fixed in a hard line, "If that means, you'll go around flirting with a guy you don't even know, then, no. This is not happening."

I chuckled, humorlessly, "I was not flirting and even if I was, it's none of your business." I began to walk away but he clutched my hand tightly in his,

"It is." He snarled,

"No, it's not." I pressed, my voice rising a notch higher, "Who are you to tell me what to do?"

"The person who knows who you really are,"

My eyes watered, he saw that and released my hand, "You are nothing to me and you made it pretty clear that the feeling's mutual."

"Is _this_ what this is all about? Me ignoring you?" He whispered angrily

"I just want to make one thing clear, Christian, you don't get to shut people out whenever you want to. You have done this before and you did that again. You haven't changed and I am done with your mood swings. I am out of your life after today."

"So, it's not about just this time, is it?" He asked, rhetorically, "Ana, you don't know anything. I never _wanted_ to shut you out."

I was done with the word games, "But you still did, right?! And, I don't know anything? Well, I don't know anything because you never told me!"

"You want to know?" He said, sarcastically, "Let's not do this here, then."

He grabbed my hand and dragged me to his house, banging the door close. I snatched my hand away and staggered back, "Where is your staff?" I asked, hugging myself, protectively.

"In the back house." He replied,

I nodded and stared at my feet.

"You are still mad at me for that day, right? You are not as okay as you pretend to be?"

"No, it's in the past."

_How could I not be?_ I lost the closest person in my life that day. How could I not be affected by it? Suddenly, I realized as I lied that my irrational and deep anger towards him wasn't just for shutting me out of his life. It was because he was doing it _again _and the last time he did it was the last day I saw him and that was painful. It wasn't like I would have cared so much if it was, say, Erik, an acquaintance? It wasn't _anybody_. It was him.

_Eleven years ago,_

_The sun was on its peak as it heated the shiny grass beneath us. Christian and I lay sprawled across each other, on our stomachs. Christian watched me as I completed my homework. I was deeply conscious that his eyes were on me and that quickened my breath like it always did. _

_"Will you miss me, Anastasia?" He asked suddenly,_

_I turned to him, "What?"_

_"Next year. When I'll go to college?"_

_I winced and my eyes began to brim with tears, "Of course, I will."_

_He kissed my cheek and smiled at me, "Hey! Don't cry."_

_"I am not. I just…it's hard to think about it. You are my friend."_

_"You are, too. The only one I have. What will I do without you?" His lips turned down,_

_"You just have to be more yourself and less reserved around others and you'll be just fine."_

_"But I would need you. You are the only one I can talk stuff with." He frowned,_

_I rolled my eyes, "I am not going anywhere. We'll make our friendship work!"_

_His eyes widened and he smiled a brilliant smile, "What if I don't go out to study and stay here?"_

_"What? No! Mr Grey would want you to attend Ivy League!"_

_"Do hell with it!"_

_I had to admit that the idea was appealing and it didn't hurt if I was selfish just this one time, right? "It's your life." I grinned, mischievously. __He laughed._

_I smiled and stared at how carelessly he laughed and how happy he looked when he was with me. The grumpiness that people thought was what he was, it just seemed to vanish with me. It wasn't true and I knew it. I loved how he opened up just with me._

_I inhaled a deep breath and the hairs on my arms stood up in attention. __He was my best friend and I could tell him everything and I can tell him this, too. No pressure. "Christian, I wanted to tell you somethin'. Promise__ me that you will not overreact." My face probably looked constipated._

_He smiled gently, "You can tell me anything, baby. You know that."_

_Baby. Surely not every seventeen-year-old calls that to his fourteen-year-old best friend, right?_

_"Really?" My voice shook_

_He scooted closer to me, "Really, Ana."_

_"You'll be with me even if you don't like what I say?"_

_"Ana, you know the answer to that."_

_"Say it, Christian."_

_"I'll always be with you."_

_I smiled and he smiled back, raising his eyebrows. _

_I inhaled a deep breath, " Okay, so, I thought a lot how to say this so don't interrupt me. I'll forget,"_

_He chuckled and nodded_

_"Christian, when I am with you, I don't _have_ to tell you anything and I am not going to say that cheesy line that you just happen to understand it," He laughed, frowning in confusion at my rambling, "What I mean is,_ _when I look at you everything just gets out itself. I have never felt like this before and you know me enough that I don't go on about and say this to every other-_

_"Sh!" Christian placed his index finger on my lips, "I know you are different and don't go around saying things like this to everybody. I feel the same way about you," He rested his hand on my shoulder and gave it a pat, "Ana, what is it that you really want to say?" _

_A nervous giggle escaped my lips, _

"_I have never felt this way before. I have never loved anybody this way before. Christian," I inhaled a deep breath again, "I think, I am in love with you."_

_Colour drained from his cheeks and my heart sank. My whole body shuddered slightly and my lips were stuck with each other._

_"You can't." He said that and in a second he was on his feet, walking towards his car._

_I couldn't move._

_The next day, I nervously stumbled towards his table at lunch where he sat scribbling on his notebooks. I kept my bag on the yellow patio table and sat across him._

_"Hey, Christian," I whispered_

_His head snapped up at me and then he gave me a tight nod._

_"Are you angry at me?"_

_He shook his head._

_"Christian, I am sorry," I said anyway, my voice desperate. I didn't want to lose him._

_He looked in pain, "You have nothing to be sorry for."_

_We didn't talk from then on. Never. He went to an Ivy League school and broke our promise. His eyes didn't even search for me when I sat beside his grandma during his graduation. I knew it had been a whole year and he wasn't talking to me but I had to say goodbye before he left the town. He didn't say goodbye or even acknowledge me at his graduation._

_"Christian, honey, I am so proud of you!" His grandmother had kissed his cheek. _

_He had sensed me and I was sure that this had drained the hint of a smile on his face._

_"Thank you, grandma." He kissed her back._

_"Congratulations, Christian," I muttered, shyly._

_He gave me a tight nod, not even looking at my face._

_"Grandma?" My voice was thick,_

_"Yes, sweet Annie?"_

_"I-I gotta go." That was all I could say before I left her suspicious and ran back to my house and drained the pillow with water._

_"_Ana?" His voice was worried.

I didn't realize I was crying, "Christian, you just keep on repeating everything,"

His eyes were glassy when I looked up at them, "I am sorry," he said, "I didn't know it would hurt you that much."

"You're sorry?!" I scoffed, "The truth is that you don't care about anybody but yourself."

"You think I don't care about you?" His eyebrows shot up as if surprised at my trail of thoughts,

"About anybody, Christian! Least of all me! You curse your mother because she left you and hurt you? Well, you did the same to me! You know what? You are a bloody hypocrite!"

"You don't know how it affected _me_." He gritted his teeth.

"Do you?" I spat at him and wiped my tears away, "Stay away from me"

Before I could remove myself out of his house he dragged me taking my hand to a bedroom upstairs,

I froze, "What are you doing?",

"You still wonder why I left talking to you that day, don't you?"

My voice didn't find me, so, I just nodded.

He took off his jacket and then his t-shirt. My eyes roamed up and down his body. There were three large burnt slashes on his body which began from his middle chest and down to his belt,

I gasped, "What is this?"

He smiled a sad smile, "You see, Ana? I was a messed up child. My life has always been. This is what my father's wife did to me when I was six, just six fucking years old. She continued to do it till she divorced my father seven years later. My father was so fucking irresponsible that he'd spend all his time in his office or laying around in clubs and bars that he'd never come home. Do you know what that woman would say to me? She'd say that I was a curse, curse to anybody who I would love. She had beat me with heating rods or burning metals and press steam irons on me whenever I misbehaved."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" My voice was inaudible to myself-I had goosebumps on my whole body and chills were running through my spine- but he heard it.

He smiled despite the horror, "You were so innocent. How could I ever sabotage that?"

"This is what you would not tell me all along?" My voice broke and the tears continued to stream down,

He nodded, "When you said, you loved me it was the most beautiful moment of my life but how could an evil like me destroy innocence and purity like you?" I opened my mouth to protest but he carried on, "I was fucked up, Ana. My mother and then this monster, they messed me up. I couldn't get you in between that. Mia was the only one who was untouched by the monster I became myself when I came home, drunk. I couldn't let you see me like that because I knew it wasn't long till I would escape from you and get myself again."

I listened to him, quietly as he went on with everything. The weight lifting off his shoulders was almost visible to me. The tears that brimmed my eyes, the chills that ran through my spine, the lump that formed in my throat or the shudder that ran through my body was a completely different matter.

"You became an alcoholic?" I choked,

"I wouldn't call it addiction at the time but I was just angry, angry to let it all out when I saw Carrick Grey wanting to send me here to Bridgeville because he said I had tantrums**,** seeing him with yet another lady or the thought that my mother was still alive and living happily with a family of her own.

"After I left for college, I became more invested in my education but it was very hard without you," My heart swelled, "I didn't get out of the room I lived in. I had just complete my work and sleep. Dad had interest in me all of a sudden after seventeen years of my life."

He took in a deep breath and made me sit on the foot of his king-sized bed. He moved back and settled himself on the recliner. Maybe, he thought I had need distance from him?

He was telling me about his life _after _me now, suddenly the news headline flashed on my eyes, "And how did you takeover GEH?"

He didn't tense like he did before but he didn't look at me in my eyes. He was staring at the black carpet in front of the bed, "I worked as an intern for six months during my second semester and then Dad handed me it's majority shares, making me the CEO. I was finally glad that my father was proud of me. I brought GEH to the heights it had never seen. I made it a brand. I was so proud," He suddenly looked at me as if he snapped up from a daydream, "Do you know what I always wondered then?"

I shook my head.

He smiled, "That how proud _you _would have been of me if you had see me."

I smiled back, blinking rapidly. My eyes were blurring and I wanted to look at him clearly. I didn't know what I was exactly feeling but it was certainly a mixture of pure joy and pain. Joy, because he had wanted me to be part of his life and pain because I couldn't be a part of it.

But then I remembered that him being successful was not the ending, "Then why did you sell all your shares?"

"I quit."

"But why would you do that?"

A corner of his lip lifted up in a bitter half-smile, "You don't want to know why I have been avoiding you _again_? You lost the track, didn't you?"

I frowned. I didn't really lose its track, I just became more occupied in his horrifying past he was showing me through his eyes. His pain was more important to me than mine.

He let out a small chuckle, "I think the burns didn't let you look anywhere else, did they?"

My eyes quickly scanned his body again. Was he hurt somewhere else? How did anything relate, though? That's when they landed on his arm. Multiple big red circles dominated his elbow pit, "What is that?" I looked at him, my heartbeat thumping loudly in my chest,

"I am sure you can guess." He muttered,

"You abuse...?"

"I started taking drugs and alcohol." He stood up and held out his hand, walking over to me, "Come."

Despite the instinctual safety tips that came in my mind, I slipped my hands into his as we walked around his bed to the little lobby that his room had. The lobby opened to a walk-in closet. Only that his clothes-literally thrown in there- dominated _one _shelf and the rest of shelves were cluttered with bottles of alcohol. There were a few empty bottles lying around and my mouth hung open.

The question that came into my mind was, "And the drugs?" My voice was _calm_.

His eyes didn't leave me and they were clearly trying to make out if I had lost the sanity I was left with, "The syringes are in the drawers." He said in a monotone voice,

"So, you are an alcoholic and a drug addict?" I frowned, my breaths had become a struggle to inhale and exhale. He was in too deep.

He shook his head, "Alcoholic," then he snorted at something, perhaps, some thought and turned to me with serious eyes, "Not a _drug_ addict. Yet."

"Why did you have to do it?"

He looked ashamed, "Cheap excuse to escape,"

I touched his cheek, "We'll sort this out. Together." I said, gently,

His whole body went rigid and his face went pale, "Don't you understand, Anastasia? We can't _sort_ this out! You can't get attached to me. I'll destroy your life like I was destroying my company and everything I had worked for!"

My mouth fell in an 'o'.

_I am there to sort it put with you. _The unexpected reaction! The reason he had been avoiding me! That's what I said!

The words he had reacted on. He didn't want me to get into his dark, "Oh."

"What?" He snapped,

"You were trying to protect me," I whispered,

He huffed, "Finally"

"This is how you destroyed your company? What do you mean by that?"

He gave me a nod, "I came to meetings completely drunk. Cancelled the important ones and Carrick said that he couldn't see me destroying _his _company down to ashes."

I knew the reasons he was disclosing all of this to me. He was trying to shoo me away. I just nodded back in understanding, much to his frustration.

"Did you love me?"

His gaze softened and a single tear fell off his eyes, "Not in the past tense, I still have some kinda feelings for you and that is why I want you to stay away from me. I don't know why I came back here. Don't know what I was thinking but I am going back to Hemington and you will not have any interference from me in your life."

My ears heard one thing that was the clearest and that was enough. He was trying to go away from me to _Hemington_? I grinned.

"I need to go home." I smiled at him,

His lips became fixed in a hard, determined line, "Goodbye, Anastasia."

While walking to my house there was this thing that irritated me. He was ready to leave me for it but not ready to leave it for me?


	7. Future

**A/N**

**Hello,**

**I apologise for the delay I had made in uploading this chapter. As I mentioned in my profile, I was on short writing-break as I had my examinations going on but now I am no more MIA!**

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**REVIEW REPLIES**

**1\. sgtbm** **fundays:**** I am glad you're enjoying the story so far! Hope you like this chapter, too. Thank you ****and keep reading****! xxxx**

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**3\. ****emi17:**** I agree! Fathers are always a sweetheart, aren't they? Not just Ray but I am sure we can say that for all the lovely fathers out there! Thank you for being so curious and interested in the story. I adore your enthusiasm. ****Hope you like this chapter, too. Thank you ****and keep reading****! xx**

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**6\. ****RosannaRoa:** **¡Hola! ¡Muchas gracias por los cumplidos que has escrito hasta ahora! Me halagas! Debo decir que "fenomenal" es una exageración, pero lo aprecio profundamente. Espero que también te guste este capítulo. Gracias y sigue leyendo. xx**

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**Thank you all for the beautiful reviews and please keep them coming! **

**Also, I am not entirely happy with the summary and the title that I have come up with and I think it doesn't do justice to my story. **

**So, I would deeply appreciate your suggestions for them. **

**I will edit my summary/title when I find the most appealing and beautiful of them all along with a mention in the A/N. The suggestions are welcome in my _PM B0X ONLY_. Thank you!**

**VA Adeles. xx**

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I knew Christian was sparing me from the gory details of the sadistic woman.

To a seven-year-old? Beating him up with heated rods and metals? Who does that to a child? A beautiful child with copper hairs and grey eyes, a child so innocent and heartbroken without his mother? A child who needed compassion and maternal love, how can someone be so sick, inhuman and monstrous to load a child with so much pain and disgust for himself?

Then I did the most unexpected thing anybody could have done if they would have stressed on the unendurable, agonizing pain he had gone through.

I laughed.

_Have you not seen anyone like that before, Anastasia? Have you not witnessed anybody who had gone through that?_

My subconscious stood in front of me with her hands folded, a cruel yet painful smirk on her lips.

Suddenly it was all coherent and logical. Pain connects us, it is the common link that connects a human soul with another. How could I not put my finger on the obvious that stood right in front? The connection we had, it was the pain that joined us to this extent.

My phone buzzed and I flinched as I was brought back from my reverie.

I patted on the sheets and fished out the rectangular bulge under it,

There was an email from Isaac Kay,

**From: Isaac Kay**

**Subject: Plans**

**To: Anastasia Steele**

**Ana,**

**I will be looking forward to your arrival. The patience I have kept to hear from you is finally being rewarded. I am sure you have grown to be a beautiful woman with a beautiful voice.**

**Please confirm the dates and I will arrange rooms for you all at my apartment.**

**Your father,**

**Isaac Kay,**

**CEO, AIKA Publishing**

My eyebrows shot up as I read the mail.

**From: Anastasia Steele**

**Subject: Re: Plans**

**To: Isaac Kay**

**Mr Kay,**

**As I had mailed you earlier, I will be joining the company at the end of this month but I am not sure about shouldering the huge responsibility you're assigning me with.**

**I was wondering if you didn't have other people who were willing to take over the company? I informally accepted your offer due to the unnerving circumstances but the more I think about it, the more irrational it sounds.**

**I hope we can talk about it more rationally after my arrival.**

**Also, we would land in Hemington sooner i.e. by this Sunday. I would request you to arrange private accommodations for me, instead. My sisters would be delighted to enjoy your hospitality but I would rather not. I hope you respect my privacy.**

**Take care.**

**Anastasia Steele**

I pressed send.

Accommodations, arrival, my plans, responsibility, the whole company. These somehow made it more real and scary. I wasn't in my comfort zone anymore and the fact that I was going to own a company sounded like a crazy fact now.

**From: Isaac Kay**

**Subject: Re: Re: Plans**

**To: Anastasia Steele**

**Ana,**

**We'll have a brief discussion about your points very soon. You have no idea of the happiness it brings me to write 'very soon' at the end.**

**The arrangements will be done.**

**Love,**

**Isaac Kay,**

**CEO, AIKA Publishing**

My head was hurting the next day I woke up, later than usual. It felt like I could burst out any moment from now. I had so much in my mind and absolutely nothing was anywhere near ordinary.

When Ellen entered my room, I pretended to be still a little drowsy and asked her to bring me my breakfast upstairs.

Now, while I ate my cereals, I did what I did best at the time of crises. Making a mental list and ticking it off.

The first was to book three tickets to Hemington which was the hardest, considering my father who will be left to feed for himself. It was difficult after practically being the caretaker of this house to leave my father alone.

The second was not as petty as I had made it be. Me being the Editor-in-chief of a whole renowned publication-which no doubt would load me with a hell lot of responsibilities- was technically the hardest and the most important but it was neither.

The third and most important was Christian. He had almost confessed yesterday but the sentence could anytime be rectified and a 'but as a friend' might as well be added. I wasn't sure how _I_ felt about him anymore but all I knew was that he was the man I cared about and I won't leave him this time.

How to pull him out from his own fire was, however, another task at hand, what was I going to do? Just barge into his apartment and stop him from harming himself further, when I didn't even know if I had any rights toward him? It was a moot point.

Telling about this to Ray was not an option. I was bound to hide this from him. Of course, he would never allow his daughter to be anywhere near an addict, but what I could I do if not be at the place I wanted to be?

Not torturing myself further, I booked three tickets for the end of the week and brought myself up on my feet to put the bowl back in the kitchen.

Elle smiled at me when she saw me entering the kitchen. I dumped the bowl down in the sink and supported my back on the counter beside the sink, grabbing a dishtowel as Elle scrubbed the dishes methodically.

"How are you now?" She asked,

"Fine. Where's Jess?" I glanced around the empty hall,

She sighed, "In Daddy's room," She handed me the washed plate for drying, "Arranging his bookshelf."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise, "She's cleaning?"

"More like making up for yesterday." She shrugged and I sighed, drying the plate and keeping it on the rack.

After the dishes were dried, we both tiptoed to Ray's bedroom. Jess was dusting off his books and keeping them back on the shelf,

"Jess?" I called, passing a look at Elle,

She flinched, "Jesus!"

I chuckled, "Sorry."

Her face relaxed and her features turned guilty, "Are you okay now, Ana?"

I nodded, my jaws flexing at my sister's expression. Elle patted on my shoulder, encouragingly.

I sighed, walking inside and sitting on the side of the bed, patting the space beside me. Jess frowned but quietly sat down.

"I'm sorry, Jess," I said, hugging her close to me,

Her lower lip fluttered as she pulled me tighter to herself, "I am sorry, too, Ana,"

"Look, I-I think you are right," I admitted without looking at her and broke the hug, "I have booked our tickets to Hemington for this week. I am not keeping you both from him anymore."

A frown formed on both their faces as they stared at me with confusion. I smiled.

"Are you serious?" Jess whispered,

"I am" I nodded, "And there's something you need to know," I gulped loudly.

"I don't know how to react to this. I don't even know him." Elle's eyebrows were pulled together.

Jess was sniffling, "He is still our _father_, "

I kept a hand on her shoulder, "I am sorry, Jess but you both can spend as much time as you want."

Jess looked at me with glassy eyes and gave back a tiny nod. I glanced at Elle and moved out of the room, leaving her to handle Jess.

Putting on my blue t-shirt and black pants, I walked out of the house and took my car out of the garage.

After an hour of driving in circles, I parked at the far end of the beach and banged my hand on the steering wheel, the loud horn making me flinch.

What the hell was I doing? I had never considered my sister's reaction. I had been too busy dwelling on _my_ life that I forgot about my family.

_How could I be so selfish?_

My phone rang loudly in the quiet and I quickly answered it,

"Hello?"

"Annie?"

"Dad? Is everything alright?"

"Nobody was answering at home so I called you. Is everything okay?"

"I am out to buy some groceries, Dad. The girls might be in their room."

"Did you talk to your sisters about your father?" His voice was gentle, not even a hint of stress in it,

I gritted my teeth, "I did talk to them about _Isaac_."

"How did they react?"

They were shocked obviously. Jess started to cry. I couldn't handle it so I left. " I mumbled,

"Give them time, Ana. You got your part, now they need theirs. It's simple."

I smiled despite myself, "Of course it is. Why were you calling, anyway?"

"Oh." He exclaimed as if he had forgotten he was the one to call, "I was free so I wanted to know about the dinner tonight?"

I snorted, "Dad, you can worry less, you know?"

"Huh?"

I rolled my eyes, "We can eat the left-over lasagna and I'll cook noodles."

He was quiet, "I was thinking that I'll cook today," He declared unexpectedly,

My eyes widened in horror. The last time Ray cooked, we had to dump the burnt pan in the dumpster, "No. You are _not _cooking."

He sighed, "I didn't know the noodles had to be stirred the last time!"

"Dad, what is this about? The last time you were cooking you wanted to ask Jess about her boyfriend. What now?"

I could almost see him going red at being caught, "When are you going?" He changed the subject, abruptly,

"This Sunday," I replied, carefully

"Hmm," he took a little pause, "I-I met your friend this morning."

"Jacob?" I frowned,

"No. I meant the CEO."

I gulped, "Christian. What did he say?"

"I asked him about his plans and he said that he's going back to Hemington."

I breathed, "Oh." My voice wasn't the least bit surprised.

"Annie, I want you to stay away from him." I was surprised at the turn his tone took. This one was laced with paternal authority he had never really shown before except for just one time.

"What?"

"Look, I just don't feel...right about him. You'll stay away from him, won't you?"

"What had happened all of a sudden?" I thought aloud. My whole body was rigid with tension.

There was a short pause, "Annie, just call it father's instincts. I know how rubbish this might sound to you, but it was just _something_ about him that worried me."

"Dad-"

"Oh, ok. Honey? There's an emergency. We'll talk about this later. And, oh! I am cooking tonight"

"But, Dad-"

The line went dead with a beep. I buried my head in my hands. Ray had never been the one to boss around his children and load them with rules and orders. What was I going to do? Go against him, the man I called my father?

I pulled my car over to Jake's cafe. The cafe was almost empty, the room filled with the smell of coffee beans and garlic that washed over my face as I stepped inside.

Jake spotted me, giving me a two-finger salute with a wide grin on his face. I smiled back, walking over to the counter,

"Hey, Jake."

He frowned, his grin turning into a smile, "You look tired. Did something happen?" He arched an eyebrow,

I shook my head, knowing well what he was implying, "I reached safely. I just wanted to tell something." I looked at him through my lashes,

"Go right ahead, Steele."

"Jake, I'm moving to Hemington. This Sunday."

His face turned down and he looked away, "That's great. A warning would have been nice."

I walked to the other side of the counter and rested my hand on his arm, "Jake?"

He looked down at me, "What?"

"I am going!" I stressed,

"Happy Journey?" He shrugged,

"Why are you getting irritated?"

"I am not."

"Yes, you are."

"No."

"Jake." I glared at him,

He glared right back, "What, Ana?"

"You are not going to miss me?"

He seemed to think about it for a second, "What about Ray? You want your father to live alone?"

I rolled my eyes, "Jake, do you think I don't care about him? Of course, I asked him to come with me! He won't leave his hospital. They need him here."

He looked annoyed at my reasonable explanation, "And...and when he comes home? He'll be all alone."

"He rarely is home, Jacob. He'll come to meet me when he's free and I'll come to meet him, too."

He crossed his big hands over his chest, "Oh, you would come to meet him and not come here? Great."

I narrowed my eyes, "You are picking fights like a child. Cut it out, Jake."

He huffed.

My lips broke into a teasing smile, "Stupid." I wounded my hands around his and rested my head on his chest. After a long moment, he gave up and his arms were wrapped around me in a tight hug.

"Well, I also have an offer you're likely to refuse." I pulled away from him,

"Spit it out." He nodded, popping his chin up and down

"When I go there, I need you at the publication. I am sure we can find you something," I crossed my hands and shrugged, "If I am going to be the one in charge, I need my people around me."

He hesitated.

"You don't have to answer right away. Think about it. I am just a call away."

He nodded.

"Oh," I took out the grocery list from my pocket, "Would you send someone to bring this for me?"

"Sure"

The oven binged and I took the three pies out, keeping it on the counter to cool it down. My sisters were still inside their room and I had decided to give them some space until I made them their favourite apple pies.

After plating them, I carried it and tiptoed to Dad's room. I quietly peeked in, wanting to make sure that I wouldn't have to be the one to console. They were sitting together on the floor in front of the bed, their legs crossed and an album open on Ellen's lap,

"Who's ready for some pies?" I grinned.

The pie as always was a success. It certainly did the trick as I had expected. Now, as I packed one in a lunch box, I wondered if Christian would appreciate the effort?

I rang the bell to his door and waited. There was no response. I knocked on the door and it opened. I frowned, why wasn't the door locked? I stepped inside and kept the pie on the centre-table.

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**A/N (again)**

**The next chapter will be up in a few hours and I am planning to upload a PROLOGUE with the next chapter before 'Flaws and Flawless Family' (Chapter 1), hopefully. **

**VA Adeles. x**


	8. Complications

**A/N**

**Hello.**

**In my defence, I wasn't getting ideas to articulate the chapter.****I need a better summary and title for this story i.e _Keeping you, I let it go. _**

**Any suggestions welcome in my _PM box only ._**

**Next chapter 'Hemington' coming up with a prologue soon.**

**Hope you like this chapter, too.****VA Adeles xx**

\--

I rang the bell to his door and waited. There was no response. I knocked on the door, my frown deepening and fear replacing the confusion, it opened. Why wasn't the door locked?

I stepped inside, keeping the pie on the centre-table. The house was awfully quiet, it made my spine cold. I walked in, my eyes roaming around the empty hall,

"Christian?" I called.

There was no answer. I was starting to get anxious now, "Christian? Are you here?" I called out again, louder this time.

I climbed up the stairs, my head turning to the sides for any sights of him and walked inside his room.

I gasped. What the hell had happened here? The table lamp crashed on the floor, the pillows thrown on the floor and the mattress overturned. A complete mess.

Then my eyes landed on the pool of blood and him.

"Christian!" I cried, running towards him. The crackling sound alarming me as I noticed the glass shattered into thousands of little pieces surrounding him. The window was broken.

Not caring about the piercing pain that gushed through me as the glass pressed onto my barefeet, I fell to my knees and lifted his head, keeping it on my lap,

"Christian! Wake up! What have you done!?" I slapped his frightening still face. My eyes started burning as they brimmed with tears and they flowed down carelessly down my face.

"Christian, please, wake up." I sobbed, my hand frantically slapping his face to make him react, to show any signs of life.

I snapped up, my brain sobering up and the first aid methods running back to my head. Wiping my tears -- to get control over my sight -- my eyes roamed his body to spot the injured area. It was his right hand that oozed out the blood. I shuddered.

"Anybody here!?" I screamed, "Taylor!? Anybody?!" I gently laid his head aside and struggled to take out my belt, wrapping it up above his wound.

"Taylor!?" I shouted again, peeking out of the window. I winced as my body came in contact with the sharp edges but there wasn't any time to waste, "Taylor?!"

This time the muscular figure came out running, "Taylor! Christian! Come up!"

I turned, my eyes searching for a mobile phone, it was difficult to search for it for my eyes were blurred and the unstoppable tears refused to stop. His phone was on the floor at the far end of the room. I skidded to pick it up and assembled the SIM and the battery back in it. My eyes landed on the two empty bottles kept safely on the side table.

I dialled Dad.

"Raymond Steele." His voice answered,

"Dad?" My voice shook like an earthquake,

"Ana?" His voice was worried now. I heard the thudding on the floor. Taylor was on his way. I had to be quick.

"Dad," I struggled to steady my voice, "Christian had an accident, he's bleeding heavily. Get the paramedics ready." I hung up.

"Ms Steele? Is everything-" he trailed off as his eyes landed to the ground. He was eerily calm and still for a long second and then he snapped up. His eyes were so calm that it scared me. He jerked his head at me, "I'll call the ambulance."

"They will take time! We don't have time!"

He frowned but nodded, "We have to take him to the hospital"

I nodded, frantically. He moved forward, his one hand expertly supporting his back and the supporting his arm and he carefully, slowly but successfully lifted him up. My hands were in the air to offer the clearly unneeded help.

"Ms Steele, he'll be okay." He said, gently. I wondered what my face looked like. I was obviously scared and my whole body was shaking with tears flowing down, my face was cold so I was definitely paler than my alabaster pale. How could I not be? It was as if my life was slipping away.

"Taylor! He's bleeding! He's dying!" I sobbed harder and harder. My hands roamed at an inch's distance over his hand. I was already covered in blood.

"Ms Steele, he'll be okay. Please, calm down." He looked at me through the rearview mirror as he turned the car to the left.

"Christian Grey, you are not leaving me alone. Do you hear that?"

\--

"Ma'am, we'll take care of him. Please stay outside." The nurse told me.

"Ms Steele?" A hand came over my shoulder. I turned to look at Taylor, my eyes cast down, "Sit down."

He made me sit at the steel bench and I buried my head in my hands.

"Annie!"

"Dad!" I ran towards him and fell into his arms, "Oh, Dad."

"Shh, we'll take care of him, okay?" He pulled me away and tilted my chin up, I nodded. Giving a pat on my shoulders, he disappeared into the emergency room.

"What is taking so long?" I looked at the door. It was still closed. A nurse has exited and entered with white packages in her hands and I had no idea what they were.

"Ms Steele-

"Just Ana." I didn't look at him.

"He will be okay."

I shrugged.

"What happened up there?" He asked me after a minute. I looked at him. His eyes were less professional and more friendly now,

"I don't know," I inhaled a shaky breath, "I came to give him the apple pie I made but-" I broke down, shaking with loud and violent sobs.

The bulb turned green and Dad walked out with a young woman trailing behind,

I jerked up, "Dad?"

He kept a hand on my shoulder, "Ana, he has lost a lot of blood but he's stable now."

I sighed in relief, running my hand over my face and wiping the tears off

"The glass had slit his vein. Do you have any idea how that happened."

I shook my head, "The window was broken. He must have banged his hand on it or something. I don't know."

Ray nodded, "It's okay. Relax."

"Can I see him? Is he up?"

He shook his head, "He's still on anaesthesia. You can meet him, though."

I couldn't see him when he was covered in tubes in the familiar emergency ward. He looked so peaceful and quiet that it made me shudder. I sat beside him on the wing chair and lifted my hand to touch his face but it just caught air. I couldn't bring myself to touch his face when tubes were all around his face. Instead, I just rested my hand on his.

"Ana?"

I turned to find Dad standing behind me.

"You look horrible."

"I'm fine, Dad. When will he be discharged?"

"We will keep him overnight and discharge him tomorrow." I nodded and turned my back on him.

"Ana," he pressed, turning the chair to his side as his eyes bored into mine, "Did he do something to you?"

My mouth hung open and my eyes narrowed at this, "What? Of course, not. He would never even think of doing anything to me. What's wrong with you?" I said the last part a little louder,

He looked away, embarrassed, "I just thought." he defended.

"Then don't." I snapped.

He sighed but went away, leaving me alone to myself.

My eyes snapped open. Had I slept? Something caressed my head. This was what had wakened me up in the first place. I looked up to counter an open-eyed Christian, "Christian!" I exclaimed,

He smiled, slightly, "Hey," he chuckled, "Sorry, I woke you up" he whispered,

Tears pooled my eyes again, "How long have you been awake."

"A while," Even his eyes looked weak, "Until I figured out what must have happened." He had the grace to look apologetic and embarrassed at the same time,

"I'll kill you," I hissed, "How could you do this to me?"

"It wasn't on purpose."

"What?"

"I got angry and banged the window. I didn't know this would happen." he shrugged and winced,

I winced with him, "Don't stress. We'll talk about this later, okay?"

"I want to go."

"Christian, you can't. The doctors-

"Ana, I need to go back. I don't care what the doctors say."

"Well, son, you are stubborn, aren't you?" It was Dad,

"Dr Steele." Christian greeted, "I want to get discharged now." I gritted my teeth

"Well, I am sorry but you can't," Dad spoke firmly that it finally made him reluctantly quiet, "Take good rest. The nurse will check on you. See you tomorrow," He eyed me, "Are you coming?"

"No, Dad. I wa-

He nodded, "It's fine. Tell me if you need anything." With that, he left.

"You should go with him."

"I am not hearing that crap ever again, Christian." I snapped,

He arched an eyebrow, "Crap?"

I was cut short by the nurse who entered in. She checked his blood pressure, tilted the bed up and left. I started again, "The crap where you ask me to leave you."

"Ana," his face hardened, "It's for your own good."

I crossed my hands over my chest, "Well, I am a twenty-five-year-old adult and I am sure I know what's good for me. It's my choice."

"I'll not be here for long so I guess, it doesn't matter." He closed his eyes,

I gripped his hand, "Christian, you know how much you mean to me but you still keep doing this."

He stared at me blankly, "You must leave."

My jaws clenched, "Do I look like I am going to listen to you?" I crossed my hands, laying back and arching an eyebrow,

He pursed his lips but didn't say anything.

I leaned forward, "Christian, I cannot leave you. Not in this universe."

His eyes melted, somehow his grey eyes felt lighter. He closed his eyes like he was in pain, "I am so sorry. Coming here was a bad idea."

I frowned, "Why are _you _sorry?"

"I came here to see you, Ana. Wasn't it obvious?" I cocked his head to the side,

Was it? "Oh." was my genius reply, "It's fate."

He snorted, "Sure."

I was irritated. He had deviated the subject, "Christian, the point is I want to be with you through this."

He gritted his teeths, "You don't know what you're doing."

I was ready with my master card. It has always worked before, "What would you have done if we swapped places?"

It worked. Of course, he didn't see it coming, "That's a different thing." He frowned,

"You know it's not," I countered,

"You would do that for _me_?" He mumbled under his breath, looking away and leaned back pressing the button on the hospital bed. I was sure it wasn't meant for me to hear.

"I would." I whispered.

His head jerked to look at me. He didn't say anything but held my hand and his eyes closed slowly.


	9. Recovering

"Careful'' I muttered as I gently laid him down on his bed, covering his legs with the blanket and taking my seat on the recliner. The room was all cleaned up now, the window unbroken. It was as if nothing had happend in here. Everything was in its place. If only my life had been too.

Christian stared at me as I stretched my neck, making my bones crackle, "You look awful." He said,

I narrowed my eyes, "You don't look so good yourself."

He groaned.

"You need to rest." I sighed,

He stared at me for a while and then resigned, nodding, "Go and change at least. Your clothes are all blood-soaked." He said, turning his back to me.

I looked down at my clothes. Obviously, I looked awful to him. A shudder ran through my spine as I recalled his face from last night.

"I must change." I murmured, almost to myself and sprinted up. I looked at him, hoping he would stop me but I knew better, "See you." I murmured, showing myself out of his room.

"Ana?" A woman called as I turned, leaving the main door half open.

It was the housekeeper, I assumed. "Yes?" I asked, a little frown developing on my face with the familiarity she received me with.

She hesitated, "Are you leaving?"

I nodded, a little confused at the question, "Is there a problem?"

"He might not say it but he needs you there."

I was more confused now, "Excuse me?"

She glanced away, probably embarrassed, "I am sorry, ma'am. It's just that I think you should stay with him. Please." She pleaded

I chuckled, "I am not leaving. I just wanted to change my clothes. May I know who you are?" I frowned, not moving the smile off my face,

She closed her eyes for a second as if she was mentally telling herself something, "Pardon my manners, Ms Steele," She muttered, "I am Mrs Gail Jones. Housekeeper of the house." She smiled, politely.

I nodded, "Hello, Mrs Jones. You seemed like you already knew me?" I arched my eyebrow at her,

Her cheeks reddened, "Um… How about I give you clothes to change and tell you how I am already acquainted with you, ma'am?"

I giggled, nervously. This was really weird. "Clothes?"

"There are some fresh clothes already bought for you." She replied more professionally, "Since you wouldn't want to show up like that?" She looked at my clothes and shuddered, slightly.

I looked at my clothes and nodded. I didn't want to scare my sisters. _Wait. _"Who bought me clothes?" I frowned. Nothing was making sense.

"Mr Grey ordered Mr Taylor to get you some clothes after the dinner he had with you a few weeks ago." I could see that she was a professional with the way she talked now. I wondered what made her break the barrier before.

A birthday present? "Why didn't he give that to me then?" I thought and then I realised that I'd actually said that aloud, "I was just talking to myself. Don't mind me."

She smiled politely, "So, shall we?"

"Where to?"

"The backyard. For you to change comfortably."

I frowned.

"I haven't cleared the closet upstairs, yet with everything going on and the clothes are with me..."

I nodded, "Sure. "

Mrs Jones took me to the other room upstairs where according to the similar designing in both the houses should have been my sisters' room in my place. And it wasn't any room. The living room didn't brought any memories back because it was completely different from the place grandma and grandpa made together but this was different. It still had the same blue fluffy armchairs and a maple brown coffee table in the middle. There was Grandma's rustic bowl in the middle which was well kept with few stranger art pieces hung on both the sides of the modest fireplace. This room still had that raw smell of paper that reached my nostrils with remembrance. They would sit on those armchairs reading books from the full wall book shelf. I missed them.

This bedroom was changed to a library when Christian went to college. Before that, it would always smell of snacks.

My eyes roamed around all the spots I could still see little Christian and Ana playing with their little bodies.

Christian's Grandpa had all the walls coloured in a sunshine yellow paint and Grandma had it lit with fairy lights and a tent made of canvas cloth with a round thin mattress and lots of colourful pillows for us. While I sat in the corner reading books, Christian would have all his attention in his Xbox which was sent by his father on his ninth birthday. We would play here with me pretending to be his wife who would wait for him to come back from office.

The memories this little room bought made my eyes sting with nostalgia.

Mrs Jones cleared her throat, "Is there a problem, Ms Steele?"

"This house has changed so much, already. But this room... Its a different feeling in here. So many memories come back to me when I look at it. Grandma and Grandpa would join us in our play on weekends in here and eat the fake pancakes we made." I wiped a little tear away and realised that I was talking to a complete stranger who knew nothing.

I smiled, embarrassed, "I am sorry. Actually, Christian and I were-

"Childhood friends. I know that, ma'am." She nodded politely

"You do?"

She turned red again. As if a child caught stealing a candy, "I'll bring you the clothes."

I frowned but let it go.

I grinned, a hysterical giggle escaping my lips. It was a pale white T-shirt dress with 'Et tu, Brutus?' written on it. I always desired to be stabbed by sword and mutter the line when I was a kid. When Christian and I would fight and I couldn't find anything smart to fire back I would end up using this line and with him shaking his head. This was always a weird ice breaker between us.

Maybe he wanted to makeup for the lost time and then changed his mind before actually giving this to me?

How ironic it would be if I wore this?

I slipped onto the dress in the attached bathroom and looked at myself in the long mirror. My eyes had huge bags under them and my lower eyelids were still red. My hairs- that were tied up in a bun -were a nest. The hair strands were loose falling form all the places. I opened my hairs and quickly ran my fingers through them, setting them to as decent as possible. After I was happy with the result, I stepped out of the bathroom with my clothes in my hands.

"I'll launder them" Mrs Jones outstretched her hands,

"No, I'll do this myself." I refused, politely,

"I insist."

I resigned and handed her my clothes, "Thank you."

"My pleasure. May I escort you back?"

But the confusion was only building up inside me and while I tried to guess a plausible reason, I was getting more irritated. But how could I start that conversation?

She looked at me and I knew that she knew what I was thinking. She gestured me to sit on the armchair and sauntered off to the book shelf. She withdrew a small diary from a separate little sacred space in the shelf.

I sat down and she sat in front of me, sliding the book across the table.

"What is it?" I frowned,

"Mr Grey's diary."

My eyebrows shot up in disbelief, "We haven't spent a lot of time in a while but I know that he is _not _a diary person... or an express-er for that matter."

She shook her head, "He's not. This is a very... brief set of notes he made of his day. He did this since he was a kid. His therapist advised him when he was twelve or so."

I knew he was seeing a therapist, "But he refused to listen to anybody, didn't he?"

"I think he wanted to get better."

"So, this," I pointed at the diary, "Is it really his?"

* * *

**A/N**

**This is a short chapter and I will be uploading next soon. Life has been very difficult for me this past month and I couldn't do what I did best for a long time - writing. Please bear with me through this. I request you to be patient and continue the journey of Keeping you, I let it go.****Next chapter tomorrow.**


	10. There, I said it

**A/N**

**Thank you all for the overwhelming support you all have been showing me with. I love you all.**

I** am sorry for being irregular with the chapters but as I said, I have been very disturbed lately.**

**An**** answer to a PM : No, English is not my native language. In fact, I had taught the language to myself.**

**Thanks**** again for all the beautiful reviews and the love. Spread this story to your social networking handles because I don't ;)**

**Next chapter won't take as long as this one did. I will try to be more regular with it and I repeat, I will never ABANDON it.**

Next_ chapter of 'Love is All That Matters' has been almost typed out. I'll try to upload it soon._

**This still has to be proofread once again so excuse any errors you come across. I just couldn't wait to upload this chapter.**

**Love,**

**VA**** Adeles**

* * *

She nodded.

"You read it?" I was a little annoyed at the fact that she had invaded his privacy and read his diary.

She looked right at me and nodded. So, she wasn't the least bit embarrassed. "Jason and I have been ordered to look into his belongings by Mr Grey, Ms Steele and as much as we both didn't want to do it, we both were worried, too."

I frowned. Mr Grey? Of course, Christian wouldn't ask them to read his own diary and the only Mr Grey left was...

"You mean Carrick _asked _you to do that? Read his _personal _diary?"

She nodded, her lips pursed as if she was just as upset.

"Why?" I shot back, incredulous, my voice louder.

"Ms Steele, I think Mr Grey wanted to find out what was exactly wrong with him after all the... the chaos his son put him into. We were forced to break our protocol."

I pursed my lips, still not comfortable with the thought but I couldn't really complain. Mr Grey was a father after all. I nodded my understanding and stretched my hand to grab his journal.

I opened it from somewhere in between.

* * *

_Carrick Grey asked me why I am destroying my life I made myself. I had no answer. Because I saw my mother with her family two years back, laughing and joking with her children? Children who looked just like me. Does she ever get reminded of me when she looks at them?_

_Or because I finally realized that I had lost the only friend and the only person I cared about?_

_I got Ana's background check, too. She is still there. Same place. Can't say I'm surprised. She always loved it there. She had been seen by my people with a man. With the same man since the past two years._

_Everyone moved on without me and I am here in this huge apartment, living with people who are paid to bear me_ _and then he asks me, why I am destroying my life I made myself._

_I threw away the shares I had and resigned today. It's a breach of contract but my own father wouldn't sue me. Apparently, it was his company not mine._

_I have no idea why the fuck I am doing this shit, writing on this like a schoolgirl but I am._

* * *

I chuckled at the last paragraph but I was speechless. He did a background check on me? He knew I was here, already? Who was the man he saw me with? Jacob?

"Anastasia!" I heard him scream my name and flinched, immediately getting up to my feet, panicked.

"Keep that in my bag. I'll take care of him. You may leave if you want to." I called after Gail running towards his room.

His back was straight against the bed, his face sweaty like he had just seen a nightmare.

"Christian, what's wrong?"

He looked at me and shook his head, "Sorry. Just a nightmare." he sighed in relief, "What are you still doing here?" He frowned and then his eyes scanned the dress I was wearing.

I shrugged, "Mrs Jones offered I changed my clothes here. Apparently she had just the size." I arched my eyebrow, my eyes narrowed.

He gritted his teeth, just like he did when he was caught off guard_ and _red-handed.

I strolled across the bed, shaking my head and sat on the recliner I was seated in before, "You know, you ought to give a birthday present to the birthday girl, whosoever she is." I bit my lip trying to suppress my smile.

A smirk played on his lips, too but he didn't answer.

"Truce?" I asked, gesturing towards the quote on the dress, expectantly.

He chuckled, "Those days were so easy." his eyes took a sad turn,

There was a long silent pause.

"How are you feeling now? Still drowsy? Is it paining anywhere?" I asked, breaking the deafening silence and changed the subject.

He shook his head at me, "I am okay. You should-- " his eyes widened and his mouth fell open. His eyes were in utter horror as if he had just seen someone commit a murder.

"What?" I frowned, my eyes following his trail and landing on my dress. There was a huge red spot. My frown deepened in confusion.

"Anastasia" he shouted again, louder than before, "What'd you do!?"

My frown was frozen. Why was I bleeding? Why didn't I feel anything yet? But now that I knew that I was wounded, the pit of my stomach stretched as if someone was playing the tug of war from the either sides of my stomach. I gasped in surprise and pain.

Christian was on his feet shouting at me, he grabbed the hem of the dress and lifted it up, bending down to look at the wound,

"Ana, how did this happen? The cut is too deep!" he pressed the cut to inspect, his eyes stretched to the corners in stress and agony. I yelped in pain.

He winced with me, "Sorry!"

He dropped my dress, his eyes frantic. I wondered if I had been such a mess when his life was slipping away.

"We need to get this stitched, Ana. I'm driving you to the hospital" He got up and moved across the bed to pick up his phone,

"But--" I started to protest when he jerked his head and glared at me. I closed my mouth with a disapproving frown.

* * *

"I wouldn't mind if you drove a little slow, Christian. You have just been discharged day ago." I complained, glancing at the bandage wrapped around his wrist.

I had tried my best to convince him to ask Taylor to drive us wherever he wanted to go but he didn't waver from his decision at all. It was unnecessary and impractical for him to take me to the hospital when he had staff that was more than competent to perform the task at hand.

Although, he rested his injured hand on his lap and drove single-handed with the fine one, there were chances that he could lose his blood pressure or faint if he tired himself.

He glowered at me, "How did you manage to pull off such a stunt, Anastasia?"

I rolled my eyes, "Believe it or not, I am as curious as you are." My mouth twisted in pain as I pressed a towel tighter to the cut.

I haven't been into any physical activity that would give a cut this deep, I frowned, mentally going through the chores I had been engaged in till I landed to the part where I found Christian lying on the ground.

My breath hitched at the memory. I had been quick to call for Taylor, call for help said my father.

My mouth fell in an 'o'.

Calling Taylor. The broken window. I didn't realise that the edge I was leaning on could have been that sharp neither did I realise it pressing that deep in my skin. The blood must have clotted and stuck to my sweatshirt and it started bleeding again when I took my clothes off. I nodded my head to myself, satisfied with the explanation.

It didn't take too long. As I reached the hospital, I was quickly rushed to the minor ICU and treated. I asked the nurse to not inform any of my family member about my this little visit. The nurse reacted as if I had just demanded her kidney but she agreed, reluctantly.

I was looking at the the window as the trees passed by in a flash, little painted buildings breaking the monotony of the lush green.

"Are you okay? Are you in pain?" Christian broke the silence, his voice soft, gentle and his eyes were soft with concern,

I smiled into his compassionate eyes and nodded, "I am. Thank you, Christian."

He smiled a small smile and nodded his head, his eyes on the road.

"Umm... do you have any idea how you pulled that off?" his mouth was still twisted in a half mocking smile,

I hesitated, "I guess it was the glass" My voice was just a whisper trying to dodge the part where he would be upset.

He frowned and passed me quick glance, "What glass?"

I shut my eyes, tightly. He was getting to it, "A window." I spoke carefully.

He sensed the caution, "Ana?" He pressed, his tone a little annoyed, "Would you care to be more specific?"

_There it goes, _"Your broken window. I had to call Taylor to get help so..." I trailed off,

He didn't say anything the rest of the drive until he parked his car in front of my house, clearly trying to get rid of me.

"Your turn." I muttered,

He frowned, confused.

"To tell me how _you _pulled _your _stunt?" I arched my eyebrow.

He flushed, "I banged my hand on the window,"

"I figured that one out, now, the question is why." I huffed,

He looked away, ashamed of something, "I was drunk. I saw you at the cafe hugging Jacob and I lost my nerves."

My mouth fell open, anger pulsing through me, "It was just a goodbye hug! I was there to tell him that I got a job at Hemington and was moving there, you idiot! How could you do that to yourself! To me!" I shouted.

His eyes widened but it wasn't regret or surprise what I saw. It was shock, an unpleasant one and I realise that I had just disclosed that I was going right where he was to get away from me. Bravo.

"You are?" He whispered, his voice too quiet.

I shrugged.

"You are not." He snarled at me,

I was enough with the drama. "I have a whole company to look after Christian," I clenched my jaw, "Apparently you are not the only one that has to deal with life," I stabbed a finger at him, my voice growing louder at every passing word.

"My biological father is gonna die pretty soon and he wants me to takeover his publishing house, okay? I cannot just back off because you have some creepy instinct of protecting me from yourself when all who needs protecting is _you _from _yourself _so just get over it."

He stared at me, surprised at my outburst, "I am sorry about your father -- I mean, biological father." He muttered,

"Yeah, there was that too." I looked away, refusing to get out of his car.

"So, this isn't about me?" He said after a second and I turned my head towards him,

"About that, well, you are coming with me and I am handling no tantrums now, Christian,"

I glared at him, angrily, "It's not your job to protect me. I can do that so stop being my dad. I have had enough of you going daddy around me for years and it's enough now."

I took in a deep breath, calming myself down.

He opened his mouth but closed it.

I melted when I saw him vulnerable like a little boy.

I thought I wasn't sure or ready but I was. These emotions were so much stronger than I was used to. His face, his perfect face with his huge heart and beautiful soul was the most sacred thing I'd ever seen. It was as if I had never felt more sure before. As if I hadn't been alive before,

"Christian, I love you. Even after all these years, I still do." I inhaled a shaky breath, my voice coming out as a plea, my heart losing the invisible burden and each breath coming out easily as I breathed out the words.

He melted and at that moment it had to be the most helpless I had ever seen him.

I leaned forward, unbuckling my seatbelt and pressed my lips to his.

He didn't kiss me back for a short second and then his hands crept over my face, cradling my cheeks and gripping them tightly. My hand circled his neck, my fingers pressing into his skin.

He kissed me back and I opened my mouth to welcome him as his lips lightly traced the shape of mine. Our breaths sped and we pulled away, not letting go of each other.

"Ana, I love you so much," he stroked the trace of my cheekbone, "I didn't know that I would feel this even after years," He whispered against my lips and slightly pressed his lips to mine, again.

"I am not capable of letting you go anymore. I love you." He whispered, his voice uneven due to the pants. His eyes gave away every emotion he was feeling - happiness, love, pain, the uncertainties, the fear - everything.

I grinned, my own breaths, staggering. This was the first time he said these words to me. The first time he confessed with no buts.

"But, Ana," his smile faded, twisting into disgust and devastation, "I don't want to look at you and realise that I have destroyed your life," he choked and my eyes started burning at his poignant confession, "And if one day I look at you and see _that_ in your eyes, it would kill me."

I caressed his cheeks, the same way he caressed mine and I shook my head frantically, "Never think of it that way, Christian. Never. If I don't get to be with you, I won't be able to face myself. We will get out of this."

He chuckled, "So, I guess, we are leaving for Hemington tomorrow."

"Guess, we are."

* * *


	11. A new start, here we go!

**A\N**

**Hey, all!**

**I bought a new laptop so now, I can deliver you chapters much more quickly then I have had. Thank you all for the support.**

**I have the next chapter typed so I am sure I will be bringing you the next chapter real soon. I am trying my best for tomorrow!**

**Thank you all for the reviews. They make my day.**

**NOTE : Hemington and Bridgeville are my creations and so are/will be the place in them. I repeat, there's no such cities in USA.**

**(Love is All That Matters is typed out and I am proofreading it. Will post.)**

**Also, I am missing some of my beautiful reviewers from the review box! I need them to keep reviewing and not just reading! Need me to give a reply to the reviews? Let me know. ;)**

**Thank you,**

**VA Adeles xx**

* * *

"Jess, you still have my blue check shirt, don't you?" I shouted from my room, my hands on my hips, "I need to keep that in my luggage! You know, it's my favourite!"

I was sweating even though it wasn't so hot today in Bridgeville. I looked at the mess that laid in front of me, my clothes looked like snakes trying to get out of a suitcase. Packing, unfortunately, wasn't my forte when I didn't have enough time for it and when I was simply a bundle of nerves.

There was no response from Jess. Of course, she had stolen it, I groaned.

"Jessamie Marylyn Steele!" I shouted again; my voice high with exasperation. I had to be quick when my flight was tomorrow.

"Ana! Stop shouting!" Ellen complained, entering my room and throwing my shirt on the bed beside the bag,

"Yeah. Sorry." I muttered, folding the shirt and keeping it in the bag. I opened the drawer in my cupboard, collecting all my pants and jeans. Ellen silently shook her head and leaned on my desk, folding her hands across her chest.

"By the way, Ana, it's Jessamie _Anastasia_ Steele. Marylyn is _my_ middle name." She muttered, biting her lip to suppress her smile,

"What?" My cheeks turned red, some big sister I was. She laughed.

"Keep your B.P. under control, honey." She giggled,

I rolled my eyes, "Are you both all packed?"

She nodded, "Yup. We both had more time than you did. Although, Jess wouldn't have even started it if I wouldn't have forced her to." She sighed,

The doorbell rang and I cocked my head to the side, listening to the expected movement from _someone_ to open the door.

"I'll take that." Jess called as we both heard the thudding of the wooden floor down the stairs.

"Ellie, hand me that novel from my desk, will you?"

She nodded and turned, throwing me the book that landed right in my bag with a thud. I was about to shout out to Jess to ask who was at the door when my best man appeared, smiling smugly. His eyes darting across the room that was now a blunder.

"Someone needs some help," Jacob snorted,

Elle giggled. I sighed. He shook his head, rolling his eyes and moved in to give a quick hug to Elle, "Hey, kiddo." He muttered,

"Hello," Elle replied, patting his shoulders,

A loud scream interrupted our greetings and Ellen huffed, "I don't think she's all packed. I'll go help. You both carry on. See you, Jacob." Jacob nodded.

Jake smirked as Ellen left and walked across the room, sitting beside my bag pack and crossing his legs on my bed.

"Tell me your flight cancelled because of the weather," Jake chuckled,

I snorted, "Sure. A violent rain in summer, eh?"

"Sounds likely," he scoffed, "Are you packed?"

"Yeah, I think so," I replied, sarcastically, scanning the clutter and waving my hands around for emphases.

"Good." He laughed, mockingly. I just glared at him. He sighed and stood up bringing my study chair and placing it where I stood. He took his seat back and clasped my shoulder making me sit.

"Take a break, hammer. I'll do ya packing, alright?"

I exhaled my breath, loudly.

"So," I began, "Did you think about working at Isaac's publication?"

He shrugged, "Well, yes, I was. I mean, I know you aren't technically offering it to me right now. You haven't even signed yet..."

"Don't worry about that," I shook my head, "I'll send you formal offer letter after I discuss it with them. I mean, it's not _my_ company."

He seemed to agree to that and hummed his reply. His eyes flickered to me for a second.

I frowned, "Jake, go on. There's more, right?"

He sighed, "I thought about it, discussed it with mum and she wanted me to go and not stay because of the cafe. Said she could handle it alone and hire some staff..."

I let him ramble. I knew he was talking more to himself than to me and debating on whether he _could_ leave his mother or not.

"...So, I thought I'll take your offer if they'll hire me."

I smiled, "I'll try my best, Jake. It would be so easy with you there."

I could sense his smile, "I know," he took a short pause, " By the way, how's your angry bird doin'?"

"Huh?"

"The Grey" He grumbled,

"Angry bird?" I laughed, "Well, we... reconciled."

"Just reconciled?" his tone was suspicious, his eyes narrowed, his eyebrow arched, "You like him, don't you?"

I could never get past him, could I? "Butt out, Jake."

He laughed.

"Seriously, Jacob. Butt out."

"I don't like him, Ana," the crinkle around the corner of his eyes vanished as the smile faded away. He was serious now.

"You don't have to." I stuck my tongue out. He kept staring at me.

"Jesus, Jake. Why don't you all like him?" I raised my hands in frustration,

"Y'all?" His eyebrows raised, "Did Kate say somethin'?"

I shook my head, "Dad."

He opened his mouth,

"I don't want to talk about this, Jacob. Please." I grumbled,

His shoulders slumped but he nodded. He stood up, pushing my chair to the side and emptied my bag making a pile at the side and started to organize my clothes. A different compartment for my inner-wears, tops and pants.

"When should I pick you up for the airport?" he asked, absent-mindedly,

"I'll send you my ticket details, my personal chauffeur

"Oui, mademoiselle."

I chuckled.

"Thanks, Jacob,'' I muttered, fondly after a few minutes, my voice a low whisper,

He frowned, confused, "What for?"

I shook my head, smiling and said after a moment, "I love you,"

He chuckled and then looked at me, pouting his lower lip, "You didn't have to bribe me for packin' your bag,"

"Ha ha ha,"

He laughed, "I love you, too, Annie,"

"I'll miss you till you don't come over there,"

He arched an eyebrow, "You're a rotten liar,"

I kept smiling while he resumed packing my bag.

* * *

The night was restless, and I was so disappointed that I didn't get enough time with my father before I went, he had to attend to an emergency, ever the good doctor. Ray would be back tomorrow morning before we left but there was no time where we could sit together and talk before parting ways. I promised him that I would get home often to pay him a visit and send the girls back within a week. They're graduations were awfully close now, my girls were big, unbelievingly big.

I pondered over the fact that I was going to join a huge publication and become a potential owner of it. It had my stomach in butterflies – oh, no, that would be the understatement of the century – there was a storm in there and what brought a tsunami all over was the freaking part where I had meet the person I wanted to hate but couldn't because he was dying. Life was so unfair, and that man couldn't even spare me the right to hate him, anymore. Why was life too easy on him? He deserved worse, worse than an easy death. He had to live to let me hate him.

I turned to my side and my phone buzzed. It was Christian. I picked the call up,

"Hey," I breathed,

"Good Evening, Anastasia," He greeted me, his voice gentle,

"Good Evening, how is your hand?"

"There is nothing to worry about. Well, uh, if you don't mind me asking, when will you be leaving for Hemington tomorrow?"

I chuckled at his formality, "No, Christian, I do not _mind _you asking," I teased, he chuckled in response, "It's a morning flight at ten. We'll leave at seven,"

He hummed his reply, "I'll drop you to the airport,"

I closed my eyes in trouble, "Umm…Christian," I hesitated, "Actually I… Jake will be dropping all of us, you know, it's always been like this,"

It was eerily quiet at the moment and then I heard an irritated sigh, "Okay," it seemed like he had to spit that word out of his mouth although he tried to control his temper, "I'll join you soon, Ana."

I smiled, "I'll be waiting impatiently for you,"

He chuckled, contempt, "Only if things had been different," he began,

"Then what?" I snapped at the dark turn his tone took,

I heard him exhale his breath slowly as if he was framing it to try and make me _understand _instead of angry, "Ana, please do not interrupt me and hear me out, okay?"

I rolled my eyes and realized that he couldn't see me, "Hmm-mm,"

"Look, I am still not entirely positive about us," he hesitated, I could hear him choking on some words and his voice was thick, sad, "I love you, Anastasia, I really do and that is the reason I don't want you to be with me and destroy your life because I don't think I can change. I have lost all my hope,"

He paused, and then I heard a sudden low laugh, "I know you have your mind set just the way you did when you came to sit with me, but I guess I had to try the last time,"

I smirked, "I am glad that this is the last time, Christian, I really am. Now, I gotta go. Early morning flight, remember?"

"Alright," he whispered, "Goodnight, Ana."

"I love you, too, Christian,"

His breath hitched, "I know, Ana,

* * *

The girls were in Ray's arms while he held them close to his chest, his nose buried between their heads, inhaling their scents, a broad smile on his dimply cheek. Elle was crying and that was making my eyes burn. Although, Jess peeked under dad's chin to roll her eyes at her.

"Girls, you'll be back within a week," I laughed, wiping a tear that was about to fall on my cheek, " It's my turn now. Move."

The pulled away from him and I stepped forward, walking into his arms. He wrapped me in a warm bear hug,

"Take good care of yourself, sweetie, do not stress yourself out." He whispered in my ear,

I smiled, "I am just like my father in that sense, huh?" I asked, rhetorically, "Dad, don't overwork yourself, please?" I sensed him nodding his head and pulled away from him to look at his face, my voice laced with the usual authority, "And don't cook. I need my kitchen in one piece. I have asked Mrs Powell to supply food for the week from the café. So, don't experiment."

His narrowed at my accusation but he kept his mouth shut. Smart.

"Girls will be back soon until then be a good boy,"

"Yes, ma'am," He smiled, "Now, now," his voice was father-y again, "Move. You'll be late,"

I nodded my head and as if on cue we all heard a loud horn.

"Hey, Jake," Jess muttered over the music and he muted his radio, turning to smile at my sisters,

"Good morning, Jacob. We're sorry to bother you," Ellen said, shyly

Jacob rolled his eyes, "You can't get away with that, you know,"

I snorted.

The trip to the airport was long and I didn't realize when I fell asleep until Jake shook my shoulders, lightly,

"Wake up, hammer. We're here,"

I got out of the car and stretched, looking behind me to find Jacob helping the girls taking the bags out. I was too disoriented to give a helping hand, so I just stood there, yawning loudly.

"So, you're all ready," Jake said, keeping my bag in front of me. My sister had already hung their bag packs on their backs. Jess had an extra suitcase in her hand. Probably for her shoes.

"We'll wait for you inside, Ana," Elle informed me, already towing Jess along with her, "Bye, Jacob. We'll see you, soon."

We both nodded at them.

"So," Jake grinned at me, "It's time,"

I was panting, "I am scared," I shrieked and instantly cleared me throat to make the strange voice go away,

He rubbed my shoulder with both his hand, "You got it, Ana. You're gonna kick asses, believe me."

I shook my head, "More about him," I stressed,

He was unsure what to say to make me feel better so instead he asked me a question, "What are you worry about?" he arched his eyebrow,

"I am meeting him after nineteen years, Jake. This man almost destroyed my mother,"

He was shaking his head before I finished my sentence, "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Just remind yourself why you're goin' there in the first place, yeah?"

I nodded, "You're right. It's time."

He smiled and grabbed me in a tight hug, planting a kiss in my hairs, "Tell me when you reach,"

"I will."

I walked into the gate to check in.

The air-hostess greeted us at the threshold, her mouth plastered in a professional smile and her hairs were a fake blonde, "Your seat number, ma'am?"

I handed her the ticket, my sisters behind me.

Her eyes widened in recognition, "Ms Steele, your seats have been upgraded to first class. This way, please,"

I shook my head, confused, "Umm…no. This must be a mistake. We aren't in the first class,"

She frowned, "You _are_ Anastasia Steele, aren't you? With your sisters?"

I nodded, still confused.

She smiled, again, "Ma'am your seat has been upgraded by Mr Christian Grey. Now, if you'll please allow me?"

I gritted my teeth, my jaws flexing, "No, thank you, miss but we would like our seats back,"

"But, ma'am—"

"Do you want us to walk off this flight? I can even lodge a complaint for these uninformed changes you made without asking me." I challenged her,

She was surprised, "But, ma'am, you have been_ upgraded,_" she stressed the last word,

"So, what?" I arched my eyebrow. The passengers that entered started to look at us, peeking from their seats. The blondie seemed to notice that, too.

"But, ma'am, we are all booked, now. We're sorry for the… inconvenience, really," she frowned at the last word as if she wasn't happy about it. Right, not many people complained on being upgraded,

Elle tucked on my elbow, "Leave it, Ana. We'll pay him back. You're causing a scene," she whispered,

I huffed, "Give somebody else those first-class tickets, will you?" my eyes rested upon a pregnant woman with his toddler and husband, knitting a blue sweater, I pointed at them, discreetly, "We'll exchange seats with them,"

She was still frowning, her eyes afraid of the scene we're causing, "Dave, ask the family, now," she hissed, whispering to the guy beside her.

We sat at their seats, me at the window seat, while the pregnant woman stood up, her son forcing her to move towards the luxurious cabin. She smiled at me, a little embarrassed and then nodded her head at me, "Thank you,"

"Not a problem," I waved my hand, dismissively,

"Jesus, Ana! Who does that!?" Jess leaned forward to look at me from her seat near the pathway, "They upgraded us!"

I glowered at her, "We couldn't afford it, Jessamie," I leaned towards her, "Never and I mean, never accept a luxury if you can't afford it and if want it, then earn it,"

She shied away from my eyes and grumbled something unintelligible.

I took my phone out and furiously typed out a text,

***Never do that again, Christian. Ever. I don't need you to do things for me that involve money if you expect me not to payback.***

I switched off my phone, relaxing further into the seat.

That man was standing right in front of me, his face like a stone. A chill ran through my spine at the sight of him,

Suddenly, his mouth scrunched up in a dark smile, "You are the reason for all of it!" he shouted, and I cringed. He moved slowly towards, each step making my breaths go uneven and louder, but I couldn't move back as if my legs were stuck to the ground. I looked down and then at him, my eyes wide in fear,

"I am tired of you," he hissed. I gasped, why was he doing this? Repeating the words, he said to mom that day, why?

"Why are you saying it all over again?" I whispered but I couldn't hear my voice, but I _did_ open my mouth, I frowned. What was happening?

I opened my mouth and asked him the question again, his face was just like a stone but again, nothing came out. I soon realised that I was just _trying _to speak but, in reality, I was just mouthing the words out to him.

He sprinted towards and his hands raised, and I shielded myself with my hands, scrunching my eyes closed.

"Ana! Wake up, its just a nightmare!" Ellen was slapping my face with her hand, hissing at me,

I gasped; my lashes were wet. She smoothed her hand across my cheek, wiping my face, "Are you okay, Ana?" her eyebrows were raised in worry and concern. Jess mirrored her, "You wanna talk about it?"

I sniffled and shook my head, "I don't remember the dream. Maybe, I just fell off a cliff,"

Elle nodded, although, she wasn't convinced but that didn't stop Jess, "Falling off a cliff made you white as a ghost and your cheeks wet?"

Elle snapped her head at her, "We have to go. We have reached Hemington."


	12. Hemington and ties

**A/N**

**Hello**!

Bear a little heartfelt note with me.

**This and the next chapter have been a wonderful ride. Hope you all share this with me.****Please review and don't just read it. It is what will keep me going. If possible write more than just a 'Thank you.' because sometimes two words aren't enough to give a power boost ;)**

**A worried guest told me that he/she wanted me to continue this story as we were just being started on the "good part".**

**I just wanted to reassure all of the people who share this feeling that I will never ABANDON my story. I might take time uploading but not leave it. Trust me, I won't.**

**Love****,**

**VA Adeles.xx**

* * *

"Where will we be staying?" Ellen asked me as we sat in the passenger seat and the driver drove on the busy city roads,

"You both will be staying with him and I'll stay at the hotel ten minutes away," I informed her, my eyes raising to look at the tall buildings that whooshed by,

Hemington was beautiful. The sun was right on our heads, now but still it didn't bother me, although, I had to remove my blue jacket so I could be comfortable in my pale white, sleeveless blouse… and also because I refused to turn the AC on.

The roads ran smooth till infinity, it seemed, running with huge trees and showy bushes along the pavements. The people walking furiously pass each other, some busy on their phones carrying their business bags and some just casually strolling with their family, all well dressed and ready.

The tall buildings with their beautiful architectures towered all of these people and I wondered the weight these huge buildings carried in them, standing upright.

I, immediately, giggled at myself for feeling almost bad for an inanimate object and turned my head to the front before I started to apologise to them.

The traffic was occasional but at times unbearable, too. It wasn't so crowded in Bridgeville and I was already missing those warm colourful houses with little, home-friendly trees and cafes and beaches.

"You're not staying with us?" Jess asked, shocked, her eyes widening,

I shook my head, "I can't,"

"Why?"

"I just can't." I said in a final, firm voice and Jess pursed her lips. Elle frowned but didn't object, silently nodding her head to herself,

The ride wasn't too long as we entered in a quiet street, which was awfully polished and smooth and empty, no living being in the ten-mile radius of my sight. In a second I knew where we were, the reign of the rich people where people were so busy counting their notes to mingle with the rest.

We were driven to a huge bungalow that looked tiny from the distance, large green trees covering most of the building as if they were set more for privacy and guard then for greenery. The driver drove into the gates – which had a huge board reading Isaac Kay in metallic words and the light glowing from the behind of the translucent nameplate.

The building grew bigger as we covered his huge garden. I felt like a stranger when I looked at his mansion, it was a three-floor building, too gaudy for my taste like it was meant for just a show-off of the money he had.

I could look at the large creepers twisting up in the ceiling of the glass balcony, throwing off blinding white light and the branches of the creeper falling down on them, The wooden panels on the buildings just for the appearance. His mansion had more blinding lights and huge glass windows, doors than fifty museums.

I loved a glass building but not this one. It was too gaudy, too pompous.

"Mr Kay will meet you inside the main door, ma'am." The driver interrupted my assessment of the building,

"Jesus, how many entrances are there?" I muttered under my breath and stepped out into the hot weather.

A lady opened the door as soon as we walked across the threshold. She threw me a white gleaming smile and I smiled back, politely,

So, yes, I was sure that I didn't like the architecture of his place at all. It was as if I had entered a palace, a modern palace, that blinded me with the thousands of bright lights on the ceilings. I looked at my sisters and they had their mouths open. I instantly closed mine.

The house, inside had all crème, beige walls and the designer seemed to continue with that theme. I couldn't believe that even crème could look that extravagant. I glanced at the long stairs- a brown carpet laid on them - that disappeared into the ceiling, the staircase was all steal in tan brown.

To my left, was a bar in black marble with bottles of expensive wines and champagnes, a woman in a white shirt tucked in her black pencil skirt standing behind it, serving four glasses of red wine. The bar was slightly curved and I realised that it extended till the royal dining area. It wasn't too clear, maybe a little far away, I mused. I entered in the house through the foyer and my eyes landed on the sofas in the middle.

At my front were three steps that went down to the round area where the sofas were in tan brown, as if two Cs kept facing each other with exactly the same shaded round table in between. We were made to sit on them and I noticed that the wooden shade of the floor was so similar to the shades of the entire house.

The girls were watching the movie that was playing in front of us, its voice muted. There was no TV instead a whole pure white wall that was levelled forward than the beige walls beside them, the projector hung on the ceiling above us. It seemed that it worked on remotes and could merge right into the ceiling when shut down, I was probably right.

I wasn't going to watch the TV so I just gazed at huge glass window - parallel to the main entrance - that showed out to pool, my heart doing summersaults, the moment when I finally saw him was just seconds away.

I didn't understand the reason of switching on so many lights inside and outside the building during the day.

"Hello," The deep voice greeted us, bashful and anxious at the same time,

I went rigid. It was the same voice that I had heard shouting in my childhood, in my worst nightmares. She is the reason for all of this! I am tired of her.

Ignoring my accelerating heartbeat, I stood up, Jessamie and Ellen throwing me a frantic, excited glance. I softened when I looked at them, even though, I was irritated when I saw them excited at meeting him.

I tried repeating the fact that the memories and moment they had with him, or wanted to have with him was totally different from mine. They didn't know or understand the reasons I had not to like him.

And then I finally turned.

The same face. All the difference I could gather was that his beard and moustache was grey, his broad shouldered, muscular body now bulky and slightly heavy. His eyes crinkled around the corner, as he gave us a half almost nervous smile, his round face lifting up with it.

"Jesus, Ana,'' Jess whispered, her mouth falling open, "you look just like him," she said, her mouth falling open, she looked at me and then again at him.

"Now I know where you got your beautiful eyes that were so different than both of us," Ellen chuckled, shaking her head,

"Shhh, you too" I hissed at them and stepped up the Three stairs to follow the basic rules of curtsy, "Isaac," I greeted him, "Anastasia Steele."

He gaped at me, his glassy eyes roaming up and down my body, his mouth dropping open to inhale the air filled with the…twist of reunion and then his face brightened with a face splitting grin and in that moment, I couldn't stop but pass him a small smile back.

Then I realized that we weren't the only ones in the room but he didn't even acknowledge my sisters standing right beside me, instead he moved forward and held me by my shoulders, running his hands across my arms gently, breathing me in. I shifted uncomfortably.

"You're so big and beautiful," He whispered, as if he couldn't believe it himself,

"Nineteen years does make a difference, Isaac," I didn't understand why my tone was so hard and reserved. His face dropped and he stepped an inch away, trying to keep his smile intact.

I cleared my throat and smiled, politely, "Um… Isaac, this is Jessamie and that's Ellen," I pointed at them, their eyes were wide with anticipation, afraid for acceptance.

He was still looking at me but then he slowly, almost reluctantly moved his eyes towards them.

He gasped when he really saw them, "You both are too identical," he almost choked and I knew what he was looking at. His face. My face. Their face.

That made me smile, "Our Ellen is the simple one with specs," I ran my hand through her hairs, twirling a strand around my finger, "the one with blue hairs at the bottom is Jess," I smiled fondly at her, clarifying the confusion,

"That's balayage!" she hissed at me,

"Hello," Ellen nodded. I saw her silently stomping on Jess's foot.

"They look like you," he breathed,

I didn't like the way he said it. They look like me? Yes, they did, but if I looked like him , that meant, they did too. I kept reprimanding myself that I was wrong to think that he didn't wanted to accept them. It was just my motherly instincts speaking.

"Have a seat, please,"

The girls came to sit beside me and he sat in front of us. The woman stepped down to hand us the glasses of wine that she had been pouring when we first entered the house,

I cleared my throat, "The girls won't –

"Of course," Isaac interrupted me, "Sophie, get them some juice, will you?"

The waiter nodded and rushed away. I peeked at Jess waiting for her angry glance that scolded me, telling me that she was an adult, now but she sat beside me, looking down at her fingers,

"Do you like this place?" Isaac asked directly to me,

I nodded my head, "It's… nice,"

He laughed, shaking his head, "Come on, I am your father,"

I couldn't help but glare at him. He stopped, looking away, his face losing the smile with realisation.

"I have a father, Mr Kay and he's back in Bridgeville,"

"Ana!" Jess whispered,

"I understand," Isaac muttered, his smile fading away, "What I meant was that I can guess when you're lying,"

I flexed my jaw, calming myself down,

"You're right. The house is too big for me, Mr Kay," I nodded,

"From Isaac to Mr Kay," He arched his eyebrow,

"Anyways," Isaac smiled again when I didn't answer, "I wanted to know if I can persuade you all to live here at my place. I want to know all of you," and for the first time he looked at them and I relaxed,

"I won't be comfortable, Isaac like I mentioned in my email," I began,

"Ana, I want to know you all better," he reasoned,

"The girls will be staying with you for the week,"

"And you?"

"At the hotel,"

He sighed, heavily.

Sophie was back again with two juices. I sipped my wine, silently.

"They have Carla in them," Isaac was staring at them, admiration in his voice,

My throat went thick and blobbed. I didn't like him saying her name but I couldn't help but look at my sisters' eyes and be reminded of my mother, "I know. Mom was ecstatic when she looked at their eyes,"

Isaac's smile widened but the girls were still looking at me, concerned. Guess, I never behaved well when mom was mentioned.

"She sure was," Isaac laughed, his eyes locking on Jess and Elle, "They're beautiful, Ann. I wish I knew about them sooner. Carla should have—

"Isaac," I stopped him, "She tried contacting you, I have said that. You don't need to bring that up in front of 'em,"

"I just wish I knew them better." He shrugged,

Everybody was quiet then.

"Why didn't you try contacting us?" A timid voice broke the awkward silence and we all looked at Elle, surprised, "You never tried contacting us until now,"

"I didn't know you existed," Isaac defended,

"You knew Ana did," Jess countered, immediately,

"It didn't end well for me to easily return. Your sister hated me," He paused to look at me and I glanced away,

"What changed now?" Ellen narrowed her eyes, her eyebrows pulling up, innocence in every bit of hers, her face twisted into pain I couldn't bring myself to see.

I had never seen Ellen's confrontational side before. Her questions and the proximity of his hurting replies had my heart hammering in my chest. I struggled to keep my breaths even.

I looked at Isaac who was sitting relaxed on his seat, smiling fondly at my sisters, like he expected this. Though, his eyes looked troubled, framing the answer in his mind, "Death makes you desperate, Ellen. It's Ellen, right?"

She nodded.

"I am sorry," he exhaled, sharply, "and I can't defend myself by saying anything, it will only make it worse. I have wasted my time and I don't want to repeat it. That's all I can say."

"Will you give me another chance, Ellen?" Isaac finally asked, his voice deep with hope and yearning for her to accept. I knew my sisters were easy target.

She seemed to take a minute to decide her decision, and then very slowly, she gave her head a tiny nod.

"And Jessamie?" Isaac glanced at her and she smiled, sheepishly. Isaac smiled back, his eyes filled with love and admiration that it made me hurt to even look at him.

The girls were getting to know their biological father and I knew that my mom always thrived for this day.

"I hate to say this but Raymond raised you all well," Isaac chuckled to himself, his voice almost loathing but also thankful,

Jess was the one to speak this time, "Oh no," she laughed, jokingly, "Daddy just raised Ana not us,"

I frowned. What was she saying?

"And then he handed us to this lady," Jess added. Ellen giggled,

"What Jessamie means is that Ana has been a mother to us," Elle smiled at me,

"It's not easy to be a single parent. Especially, when you're a doctor. It's a devoting job," I shrugged, rushing to defend my father,

Isaac nodded, his mouth pulling up in a small smile, "He did a great job. _You_ did a great job,"

I knew denying it would only result in more of my appreciation so I decided to shut the topic,

"Um… thanks," I replied, nodding, plastering a small smile, "I am getting late. I should probably leave, now,"

I glanced at my sisters and stood up on my feet, everybody stood up with me,

Isaac hesitated, "I wanted to arrange a formal meeting with you and my company, so, you can know them,"

I inhaled a deep breath, steadying myself and focusing on my breathing, "We have a lot to discuss before that," I interjected,

He smiled, "You can freshen up and we'll meet tomorrow?" He inclined his head towards me, expectantly

"Sounds good to me," I nodded and turned to Jess and Ellen,

"Will you both be okay?" I whispered, placing my hand on Elle's shoulders – the nearest to me and glanced at them. They both nodded, "I am just a call away if there's any problem, okay?"

The nodded, again. I pulled them in a hug and Isaac cleared his throat, "They will be okay." He smirked at me, "I'll show you out,"

He walked me out and opened the door of the car for me, "I will meet you tomorrow then,"

"You have really changed, huh?" I stared into his eyes that didn't reflect that arrogance I have once seen, the irresponsibility I have once felt in him,

He snorted, closing the car door suspecting a long conversation, "Death, I guess, Ana, puts everything into perspective," his smile turned into a hard line but his eyes were still gentle, "I can't afford more people hating me,"

I shook my head, my lips pulling up, "That's what you're doing? Making up before you… die," I struggled to get the last word out,

He was at a loss of words for the fiftieth second, "You can say that,"

I chuckled, humourlessly, "I thought you wanted to meet your daughters,"

I looked surprised, his eyes widening in response. He was suddenly shaking his head, "You're getting me wrong. Of course, I wanted to see you all. I have been trying to contact you for ten years now and you know that."

His eyes were sincere. I looked down at my feet, "You didn't deserve it. You still don't."

His brows pulled up, his jaws flexing. I looked up into his eyes but he didn't look at me.

"I do forgive you," I said in a small voice, trying to keep my emotions in control, "For my father, for my mother and for my sisters . I know my mother would have done the same,"

His head jerked up at me, "Really?"

I nodded, "Yes,"

"Can I hug you?"

I stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Just for one second." He outstretched his hands,

I held my breath and stepped into his arms, closing my eyes. He was arrogant and irresponsible and alcoholic but these were the same set of arms that would once hang me around and tickle me. I winced, fighting back tears that threatened to fall as the signs of my weakness. I twisted my fingers into a tight fist. He hugged me closer to him, wrapping his arms tightly around me.

**A/N**

**"Love is all that matters" will take time. As I had said earlier that I would stop for a while to upload on it after Chapter 2.****As for the next chapter of _this story_. I am uploading it tomorrow. Just working on breaking paragraphs.**

**Thank you.**

* * *


	13. Inspite of war, inspite of hate

Isaac!" the loud, exasperated shout caught us both of-guard and we jumped away,

My mouth fell open when my brown eyes met his black eyes, "Erik?" I muttered, shocked,

"Anastasia?" His expressions mirrored mine,

Isaac looked between us, "You know each other?"

Erik flushed red, "We happened to meet each other on the night when I visited my mother,"

Isaac's brows shot up, "It's a small world,"

"What are you doing here?"

He seemed to recall his mission to shout at Isaac. He turned to him, his eyes exasperated again, "You skipped your medications, again, Isaac. We need to get your fever down,"

I frowned, "But he isn't burning,"

Erik's eyes flashed at me, "He will still need to complete his course,"

"Are you his doctor?"

He shook his head, "I am his paramedic,"

Isaac groaned, "And I don't need you,"

Erik raised his eyebrows, "Tell that to yourself. Now, go and take your medicines. Sophie is ready with it,"

Isaac turned to me and pulled me into a hug again, without asking permission this time, I didn't object.

"I'll see you," He kissed my forehead without permission and spun around to pass a glance at Erik, "No getting cosy with the boss's daughter,"

Erik laughed.

He walked over to me, just a foot away, his hands in the pocket of his blue jeans, "So, you're his daughter, huh?"

I pursed my lips at the choice of his words.

He chuckled, "I know, I know. Isaac has told me about your aversion towards him," he gave three friendly pats on my shoulder,

The reason I had been talkative to him the other night was because I wanted to set Christian off and now, I had no reason to have curtsies with him. I didn't like the way he was so casual and over-friendly just like… like…

I started choking, my head spinning splitting his image to four. My balance pushed me down to the ground. It was the panic attack and I was caught off guard by it, there hadn't been any since I was twenty. I panted, sweating bullets, my whole body freezing. I rested my hand on the car, trying to balance my weight so I didn't fall.

"Ana? Ana, are you alright?" his tone was shocked and frantic, afraid if he was the reason for it, "Geez, breathe till ten, come on,"

I closed my eyes, tightly and counted till ten. Picturing my mother, Ray, the new born girls in my little arms, my breaths calming with each count and each soothing memory. I inhaled deeply again and pulled myself together, shaking my head to clear the thoughts that haunted me to a panic attack.

"I am so sorry. I am fine." I assured him with a tiny gasp. What was wrong with me? I was in a safe environment and he was safe. I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to push out those misconceptions and reminders of Ri – him.

His eyes were wide, his mouth open, "What did I say? That was an attack,"

"I am sorry," I shook my head, my breaths still struggling to turn back to normal "You didn't do anything. It's just me."

"You want to talk about it?" He asked, concerned,

"I am fine," I said, dismissively, breathing very slowly. "So, you – you know his condition?"

His shoulders relaxed when he was sure that I was okay, "I am," he smiled,

"What's wrong with him?" I focused on the part that was most important to me and my voice abruptly went to a low shriek,

He was professional then and I relaxed. _He is safe_, I repeated in my head.

"Would you like to sit while I tell you about it?" he waved his hand towards the steps on the porch.

I nodded.

He held his five fingers up towards the driver and led me forward.

We sat beside each other and he decided to sit at a wider distance, precautionary, eyeing me from the corner of his eyes, "Isaac is a special case of Aortic Stenosis,"

A chill ran through my spine, "Aortic Stenosis? You mean his aortic valve is shrinking or something?"

He looked surprised, "Yes, that's…exactly right. How do you know?"

"My father's a doctor," I mumbled and he narrowed his eyes, questioningly "But the illness you're talking about is supposed be easily treated, isn't it?" I moved on.

"He's a special case _and_ a lucky one,"

I frowned. Lucky? "He'll be okay?"

His mouth turned into a sad smile and he gently shook his head, "The doctors classify him as the sever stage, he can't be treated."

I whimpered, "But you said he was lucky!" I pressed, petulantly,

"Ana," he gently patted my shoulder again, "This illness results into some painful symptoms. You'll feel like being held in a cage and your chest is tightening, chest pains that are sometimes unbearable, even breathing becomes a tedious task, stretching feels like a four-hour workout at the gym,"

He went on the list and I couldn't get the point of it, "Wait, how's he _lucky_ then?" I made it sound like a dirty word,

"Because he has no _symptoms_, no pain," he met my confused gaze, "Doctors like to call his condition symptomatic aortic stenosis."

That didn't give me any calm. He was dying but he was lucky? How sick.

"How much time?" I choked, cutting to the chase,

"A year would be a blessin'," he looked ahead, "Doctors will be keeping a close eye on his health for now and be treating any other cardiac conditions he may have,"

I sprinted to my feet in an abrupt moment, wiping my cheeks, swiftly, "Thanks for letting me know."

I smashed the door close as I shuffled into the car, "Heathcliff, please."

I entered the hotel room through the wooden panelled pathway to the bedroom and kept my bag on the teak modern TV unit. The room smelled of lavender and bleach. The large window showed out to the busy city, in front of it were kept two comfortable grey couches and a coffee table.

I flopped on the bed and pulled the blanket over me and relaxed down on the bed.

I switched on my phone and flinched when it started vibrating with short pauses, recklessly in my hand. There were thirteen missed calls from my father and eight from Christian along with two voicemails. My father wasn't tech-savvy so a voicemail definitely wasn't from him.

I pressed on the first voicemail. I had been right, it was Christian.

"Ana," I could sense him gritting his teeth and mashing them together, "Why do you insist on crossing me the first chance you get?"

He took a deep breath, calming himself down, his voice was softer when he spoke again, affectionate even, "I really don't understand you. Was it so difficult to accept something I did for you? Anyway, call me when you land."

The line ended with a beep. I sighed. Didn't he understand why I refused? Was it so difficult for him to understand that I can't owe to anyone? First class isn't joke, after all.

I pressed another voicemail and my whole body went rigid when I heard him. He wasn't even totally conscious while he had pressed the button to call me. He spoke from the other end, slurring his words and mixing up together, his tongue twisting with alcohol to even get the simplest word out. I heard my teeth clench in a smack,

"Ana," he chuckled without reason, "I am drunk, I am sorry. I am so damaged, completely destroyed. I know you wanted me sober but it's so – I can't do it with those flashbacks that blind me, there's a ton of shit I'll never tell you," he slurred and I heard something crash down and a scream that followed, loud piercing scream of pain.

I gasped, throwing my hand in the air to catch him and soon realised he was out of my reach.

He was screaming, "Save me, save me" his screams muted down to low painful pants, "Please," he whispered and it went silent with a beep.

Tears flowed down my cheeks and I tightly wrapped my hands around me, rubbing my shoulders and letting it go, screaming and shouting out my helplessness. I was weak, maybe strong enough to have shouldered the upbringing of my sisters and my father but not enough, not enough to swallow his pain, his addiction that burdened him down to nothing.

His screams echoed in my head and I was suddenly afraid, afraid if the screams meant more than they sounded on the phone. I quickly stabbed the letters on my logbook and called Taylor, telling him to make sure he was okay.

He called me back twenty minutes later, telling me that he slipped in his bathroom and crashed the vase which explained a few things. I asked him to make sure that he got on the flight on time.

I still knew only what he chose to tell me and tons of shit that I didn't, as he pointed out. My mind suddenly narrowed down to his diary, diary that I'd brought here with me.

I opened the first page this time, wiping the blurry obstruction that made the ink on the paper looking like splatters of blue paint.

The date marked down to when he would have been thirteen. His writing was less uniform and tidy then it had been when I had last read it but his language was still mature with perfect articulation and formality. It is also the longest entry of around four pages.

* * *

_Dr Flynn is a young shrink who had gain fame in a really small time, it seems. He requested me to write down my feeling because I wasn't willing to tell him anything since he had been with me._

_ Grandma took me there when she saw my drinking problem and bitterness with almost everyone but Grandpa and Ana, my best friend since sixth grade._

_I am rude to grandma, too. She is a grandMOTHER and no mother is good and I know she is different but I cant help it._

_If only I could just run away and never return back. My stepmother is back to have a look at me, feigning worry for me in front of my grandparents when really_, _she just wanted to make sure that I did not open my mouth and she could continue her tradition of torturing me._

_This, as you know, happens every year when she pays me a visit for the whole month and my grandparents go to my aunt's to pay her a visit, leaving me alone with her._

_She is making me do those things again. She whips me with the extension cord and I don't even do anything. I am glad that I am able to send Mia away so that she doesn't have to see it, although, she suspects something is wrong with me._

_Ana came to pay me a visit yesterday (as she usually does nowadays to play with me and she even lets Mia mess with her hairs. She doesn't like it though.) Elena, my stepmother, laid her eyes on her and threw me smirk. I know she wouldn't touch Ana but it still made me go rigid with anger._

_I couldn't hold it and I made a mistake. I yelled at her to stay away from Ana and in return she repeated everything she did with me again as a punishment._

_I block Anastasia out sometimes. It must be abrupt to her but not to me. I keep debating with myself if I should not allow her to become my friend. I am messed up_.

* * *

I remember the day when I first met his stepmom, she was curvaceous and fake blonde. She didn't look this sadistic to me but now when I look back at her green, cat eyes, I can see it. I can see the joy that came to her when she punished his stepson till he loathed himself.

Christian told me it all started when he was six and remained the same until she left his father seven years later. I did the simple math and came up with thirteen. He was thirteen when he wrote it and thirteen when his stepmom left them.

This would have been the last year she ever touched him, I tried to give myself some relief from that. What did she do to him?

I turned the page, feeling almost disappointed because I couldn't make the young Christian to continue and write about all the things that she did to him - with specifics.

I realised my feet were digging into the soft bed, the back of them sweating. The little boy writing it seemed to help me when I turned the page and saw it's description.

* * *

_When I was six years old, she whipped me with the burning iron. It was like I was kept on fire and wasn't allowed to diffuse it._

_When I told my dad that I wanted to go to grandpa, she took me away and locked. When dad went, she called an orphanage (a place where children live when there parents don't want them or are dead) in front of me and asked them to take me away. She took me to a street crowded with men who used bad words and fought with each other._

_They all seemed drunk. It was a bad neighbourhood. She left me there and took her car away saying that the orphanage will come and take me._

_I don't know how long went but it became dark and_ _I was scared when she came back and told me that I am so bad that they refused to take me and so would my grandparents._

_She always does that whenever she wants me to know I am an evil. She's right. If I wasn't, my own mother wouldn't have left me and my father would tell me he loves me every time he came back home._

_Every time I misbehaved, she made me eat all her medicines and scare me that I would die soon, **her fingernails dig on my neck as she makes me vomit in a bucket and then she forces me to swallow it.**_

_She hit me with a baseball bat on my private part just one time so that I don't die, I think._

_Yesterday, she did all of that to me again._

* * *

I reread it again and again and again. His words assaulting me with its cruelty. I traced my finger on the part where he wrote how she made him consume drugs and how Christian's sentence became in present tense all of a sudden as if he was reliving it again as he wrote it down.

She was worse than a paedophile and all I do is stop myself from finding her and burn her to ashes, alive.

I smoothed down the dent on the diary that would have formed when he forced his pen down, forcing himself to write the words that I knew would have made him feel all of it, all over again.

The little bubbles that formed on the page were visible to me, they were thinner than the rest of the uniform page where the ink had dispersed on the page. He was crying.

With silent tears refusing to stop streaming down my face I turned the page.

* * *

_By the way, Ana is beautiful._

_She ignored me when I first tried to shove her away. I didn't like any company but she forced me to sit with her. I knew her. She was tough and bold and blunt but kind._

_There was a little boy who was teased just because he was smaller and healthier than the rest. Three boys of my age kicked him down. I would have helped the little boy if I wanted to but I willed myself to mind my own business._

_That was when I first saw her, running and pushing through the crowd to help the boy up while other kids just laughed at him or were too scared to say anything. She frowned up in anger at the boys that looked thrice the size she was. She was so tiny and cute as she angrily kept her hand on her waist._

_I automatically stood up to protect her when Professor Day jumped in. It almost made me laugh at her overconfidence to scare the boys away with her glare._

_Two weeks later, I was forced to sit with her and eat lunch and then I liked it as well. She is my best friend ever since._

* * *

I laughed, unexpectedly, a little throaty, thick laugh with the nose that was blocked by the continuous tears.

I remembered that day. The little fat kid was Justin and I was dead scared of the huge monsters that glowered down at me. I felt a little happy at the fact that my face didn't show the fear that my trembling legs would have given away if I wasn't wearing a frilly skirt.

Trying to move myself into the slumber of those happy days where I wasn't damaged as I was now and unaware of his bizarre world, I sang myself to sleep singing the poem my mother once sang to me -- my voice not as soothing and beautiful as hers -- and I almost felt her arms encircled around me, I could taste her scent in the air,

_"In spite of war, in spite of death,_

_In spite of all man's sufferings,_

_Something within my daughter laughs and sings_

_And she must praise with all her breath._

_In spite of war, in spite of hate_

_Lilacs are blooming at her gate,_

_Tulips are tripping down the path_

_In spite of war, in spite of wrath._

_"Courage!" the morning-glory saith;_

_"Rejoice!" the daisy murmureth,_

_And just to live is so divine_

_When pansies lift their eyes to shine."_

_**NEXT COMING UP. STAY TUNED. **_


	14. Crumpled

**A/N**

**Hello guys,**

**I am so sorry and I know it has been months since I last posted but I am just not well. Every time I sit with my laptop, my hands just jam after I write a few words and then I shut it down. But I will complete this story. Keep boosting me, you guys.**

**Also, let me know if you guys need me to give you a summary of the earlier chapter since it has been a while...?**

**Love.**

**(Please keep up with me)**

**VA Adeles xx**

* * *

I woke up with a start as my mother suddenly disappeared from the dream I couldn't remember now. I looked at my side, to the window. It was dark outside and my eyes widened. _Had I slept the whole day? _

The intercom beside the bed rang. I rubbed my eyes, removing the traces of a disturbed long sleep and answered.

"Hello?"

"Good evening, Ms Steele. We are really sorry to disturb you but you have a visitor" The shrilly voice of a woman told me in her monotonous tone, "What should I call you, miss?" I hear a low whisper and her voice was clear to me again, "She calls herself by the name Ellen Steele?"

I frowned. Elle? "Please send her to my room, thank you."

I opened the door when I heard a knock and Ellen gave me a small smile.

"Is everything okay? How'd you know I was here?" I asked, ushering her into the hotel room.

"Yes, everything's fine" she replied, taking her seat on the couch beside the window, "I asked the driver to drive me where he dropped you,"

I took my seat in front of her and stared into her eyes. I didn't know what I was looking for but her face gave off no disturbing expressions that would bother me. I looked into her eyes, harder.

She chuckled, nervously, shying away from my constant stare, "I mean it, everything's alright. I wanted to check on you, I was worried,"

I relaxed, convinced with her explanations, "I am alright."

She nodded, "You didn't answer dad's calls? He was dead worried about us."

"Damn," I lightly banged my hand on the armrest, "It slipped my mind to call him back. Did you talk to him?"

"Yup. I told him we were fine. Our phones were switched off. It took a lot of convincing," She giggled. I giggled back.

Her eyes darted to the window out to the posh city where dazzling light and cars twinkled like the ornaments of the long plain roads, "Everything's different here," she whispered and her eyes suddenly got fixated on me, "Are you convinced with this?"

I frowned, confused at her question, "Well, we are from a small town. It's definitely different,"

She shook her head, "I meant Isaac,"

My mouth turned to an 'o' and I realized what she was asking. I sighed. I had no answer to my little sister's question. I was so cluttered with so many things in my mind. Christian. Isaac Kay. A whole company. I tried to think of way to place my instincts while I shuffled around the reunion I had today.

I almost felt like a fool as I thought about it, placing today's pieces with the yesterday - years ago. It placed so right with both the Isaacs I had known.

Isaac Kay knew how to create an impression – being way good at words; his problem was pursuing with it. I hated myself for believing on the changed person theory when I knew how easy it was for him to create an illusion of the transformation to a humble, loving man. I shouldn't be surprised if he was back to his normal self within a few days; back to his arrogant, superior self who might have loved his family but more than that – who loved himself the most.

What should I tell my sister? That maybe the loving lost father was just an illusion? Tell her the ugly truth instead of giving her the uncertain hopes of a better man?

Ellen was staring at me, trying to decipher the turmoil that was obviously not visible on my face. I was a mighty fine liar and my face automatically opted for the poker face whenever I went through an emotional havoc when n front of my sisters and unfortunately, a terrible liar when it came to Ray or Jacob. Kate would buy it but my men refused.

So, I could definitely put on a show that wouldn't pain her instead of telling her truth of my belief.

"Well," I leaned forward stretching my hand towards her, she placed hers in mine, "This is a heavy conversation best suited for a dinner, isn't it?" I smirked, "Are you hungry?"

She wasn't fooled and I realized that sometimes I liked Jess more than her. She nodded, "I am."

The waiter opened the glass door to a formal sophisticated restaurant adjoined to the hotel. He escorted us to a booth with brown velvet sofas on the either sides.

"Can we afford this?" Elle whispered looking around as the guy left us to ourselves with the menu card,

I nodded, chuckling, "Your sister had earned enough for all of this,"

"How long will you be staying at this hotel?" She raised her eyes at me,

I shrugged, "Until I find some permanent place,"

"But this hotel, isn't it too expensive?"

"I can afford it," I smiled at her, "For two-three days. I hardly spent money on anything with dad back at home. I thought to give myself a five-star treat." I opened the menu card, feigning a superior look, "Decide what you want."

"I'll stick with the good old steaks," She murmured, "And don't fool me. You decided to stay here because this was the nearest hotel from us," Her eyes narrowed down at me.

I laughed and called the waiter, "Two steaks and two Cokes, please."

When I looked at her again, she was deep in some thought, staring at my face. I bobbed my chin towards her, questioningly.

When she spoke again, her weren't focused on me but something behind my shoulder and I knew that she was analyzing something. "I am not so sure, Ana. Jess was just crazed when she saw her room," she looked at me, "We both have our own rooms, by the way. They are huge," she went quiet for the moment and then cringed, "And so…gaudy,"

I reached to hold her hand, "What made you doubtful?"

She looked at me with troubled eyes, "Luxury is luxury for me not a habit, Ana. We are so different from him and this is how I feel even before actually _knowing_ him,"

I couldn't give her a solution to any of this, all I could give was the acknowledgement of her troubles, "Things will take time, Elle and I understand what you're going through. It will be fine,"

"What were you thinking back in the room?" She asked,

I inhaled a sharp breath. I knew she wasn't going to let it go. I looked at her again and decided to tell everything to her. She trusted me more than herself unlike Jess who have challenged it, "Don't get worried, okay?" She nodded, "Isaac has always been good at creating first impressions. Mom always said so and I know she was right but I'm afraid if he won't hurt either of you with something… unemotional or apathetic he does."

The conversation was cut short by the waiter as he placed our dinner in front of us and left before asking us if we wanted something more. We both dug into the delicious steaks, our stomachs growling in unison to signal us to what was important first.

My phone rang when I'd finished half of the dish. I turned it over. It was Christian and Ellen's eyes flashed at contact name and back up to me. She frowned, questioningly and I shied away, picking up the call without looking at her.

"Hello? Have you landed?"

"Yes. Where are you?" He whispered,

Heat rushed up to my cheeks, "Why?"

"Do not answer my question with one."

I rolled my eyes, "I am at a hotel. Now, why?"

"Which hotel, Anastasia?" He was gritting his teeth.

His tone made me reply without any arguments, "Heathcliff."

"Alright. I am coming to take you,"

"Wait!" I rushed to speak before he could disconnect the call,

"What?"

"I am having dinner with my sister, Christian," I glanced at Ellen and she was sipping her coke quietly, "Why are you coming here, anyway?" I whispered so she couldn't hear me.

"You can stay with me, Ana. Your sisters will still be near you." His voice was less authoritative but softer now.

My face would've softened as well as he mentioned my sisters being near me, I could feel it, "It's alright," I replied, anyway, "I'll manage."

"I insist, Anastasia. I will let you pay me the rent if that makes it acceptable and separate accommodations as well."

"Deal."

He sighed, "When will you be done with the dinner?"

"I don't know, half an hour or so. I can't talk right now."

He disconnected the call. I stared at my phone.

"Do you want to tell me about this?" Ellen said after a moment, her eyes were narrowed with suspicion. I knew she wouldn't force me and I couldn't lie to her. A dangerous combination. I definitely liked Jess more.

"Is there something going on, Ana? Between you and Christian Grey?"

I flushed.

"Jesus Christ. You love him, don't you?" She whispered, her knife dropping to the plate with a clatter. Her eyes were wide with shock and disbelief.

I nodded slowly.

Her eyes reflected back my face where I looked up at her through my lashes, my posture slowly becoming a slouch my fingers knotting down at my lap. My teeth sunk into my lips as the sensation of shame and fear vibrated through me. She must have known how dad loathed Christian Grey.

She laughed and I jerked my head up at her, astonished.

"You look like you have committed a crime," She snorted, "I won't tell dad. Or Jess," So, she knew, "It's your life and you'll do the right thing you always do."

I frowned, "You think dad might be wrong about him?"

"I don't know, Ana," she shrugged, "I don't like him, either but I just know that you know the best. Just, just don't hurt yourself."

I didn't get what she was saying and by the sound of it I knew she didn't know what she was saying either. Maybe, I did get it, I could hurt myself trying not to let him get hurt but I shut the thought out. I couldn't face this right now.

"Take care of Jess. Don't let her get carried away." I said , "Its late, you should leave now."

She nodded, "Take care, Ana. I love you."

"I love you, too. Don't think about Isaac too much." I spoke, slowly, "He is not a bad guy."

She nodded.

I stepped out with Ellen and into the street. Two black shiny cars parked right in front of the gate. The weather had taken a chilly turn of events. I glanced at both the cars. I could recognize the driver I came with and reckoned that the other car might be for someone else. I turned to Elle and pulled her into a hug before seeing her off as the car drove away. I stood there for a while, my thoughts like the crumpled papers you throw when you don't like what it turned out to be, the paper being my life, of course.

The door of the car opened and it was Taylor you walked out.

"Ms Steele."

I huffed, "He sent you?"

He shook his head. He looked troubled or so I thought. The guy always almost wore the same expressions "I came to take you by myself."

I frowned confused, "What?"

"May I help you with your luggage?" was his reply.

He didn't explain anything to me on the ride to Christian's apartment. I didn't even know if I liked this guy or not. He was extremely weird. He looked at me through the rear-view mirror as we took a turn to the left, the road leading up to a tall building. I started counting the floors, a habit that I was bound to follow since I was a kid.

Fifty floors. My eyebrows shot up as I marveled it._ 'Escala' _written in bold letters, lighting up the whole street. Steel gates opened automatically as Taylor drove in from a different route, avoiding the main entrance.

He got off the car and opened the door for me before I could move. I stepped out, passing him a small smile. He did not respond to it, just moving his head a little. I made a mental mission to soften this guy up.

The elevator door opened and we both entered in. He typed in a code and the elevator opened to a large all-white foyer. In the middle was a round wood table, on it an incredibly beautiful bunch of black roses in a white vase. The walls were filled with painting. Taylor opened the two double doors and the white, wood theme continued through the wide corridor directly opposite where an extravagant room opened up. It was the main living area, double height. It was huge and reserved, unlike Isaac's apartment. I actually liked the apartment although I would have preferred colours and brightness in here but it suited his personality. Boring and sophisticated. I snorted.

The far wall was made of glass which leaded on to the balcony that overlooked the whole world full of lights while the rhythmic sounds of cars and honking soothed my accelerating heartbeat instead of annoying me. How things changed from a different view calmed me.

To my right was a grand 'U' shaped sofa, fit for ten healthy people. It faced a state-of-the-art stainless steel – or platinum for all I knew – a modern fireplace.

The fire was already lit, its flames flaring gently in unison. On the left beside us, by the entryway, was the kitchen area,

All white with dark wood worktops and a large breakfast bar which seated six.

Near the kitchen area on my extreme left, in a separate elevated space – secluded by a contemporary partition - was a dining table surrounded by sixteen chairs. _Did he hold meetings around here as well? _

I was impressed with Gail.

Around the corner, closer to the glass wall was a beautiful black piano. I smiled. We took the lessons together.

Heels tik-tocked on the wooden flooring as I turned my head from the piano to Gail, walking towards me from the kitchen, her smile quite not reaching to her eyes. Her eyes tight at the end. I tensed, instantly sensing the atmosphere around the room.

"Evening, Ms Steele."

"Just Ana," I corrected, "Where is Christian?"

They both looked at each other.

"Taylor?" I turned to look at him, my voice rose as the panic settled in, "What's going on, you guys? Wait. What did you mean when you said you sent yourself?"

Taylor cleared his throat, "I overheard your conversation with Mr Grey."

I was getting frustrated, "What does that mean?"

It was Mrs Jones who answered this time, "Mr Grey was not quite conscious to give us orders, ma'am and so, I suggested Jason to pick you up to avoid any inconvenience."

I clenched my jaw, "What do you mean, 'quite not conscious'?"

Her eyes suddenly fell to the ground and I turned to look at Taylor for an answer. He mirrored her expressions.

"Where is he?" I hissed,

She did not reply to question and instead just lifted her eyes. Straight ahead.

I stormed off, barging into the door and slamming it open. The sheet was thrown, crumpled on the floor. The beige large carpet kept untidily. The bedside lamp was on the ground. He was asleep on the bed, his legs sprawled across the bed. He reeked of alcohol. Anger jolted through me and I wanted to fill a whole bucket of water and throw it at him after I had made sure that it was ice-cold.

But I knew it wasn't of any use and it was dark anyways, it had to wait till the morning. I picked up the sheet from the floor and threw it on the bed, bending down, I roughly loosened his belt, not caring to wake him. I finally freed it from his waist and rolled it, keeping it on the side table.

I was tired, too tired to be angry at him. With a long sigh, I gently covered him with the sheet and silently sat beside him. His face was tired and his skin wrinkled around the corners. His stubble was a beard now and as I would have expected, it didn't make my heart flutter. I felt nothing. Nothing when I saw his face and that scared me. I missed the way my chest suddenly pained and popped up in my throat when I looked straight at him.

My head tilted as I looked at him, more carefully. I wondered why I couldn't recognize him the day he entered the cafeteria right away and then my eyes just lazily roamed around his face, scanning it and my brows relaxed. His stubble, his thick stubble could be blamed, right? And maybe because he wore shades? I didn't know and so I dropped.

I exhaled and looked around his bedroom. It was beautiful. The theme continued. The wall behind the bed was wooden paneled but the two to the left and front of me were floor to ceiling windows and the one right in front opened up to a balcony. All the other walls were wood-paneled. I got up, in search of the bathroom. To the left of the entrance was a corridor which led to the door that was already opened. I walked into the bathroom, encountering his closet on the way to my right. Splashing my face with the cold water, I stepped out, letting the air dry it away and glanced at his closet. Everything was tidy, perhaps the closet didn't see the wrath of an alcoholic man. It was large and my head spun. I needed a rest.

I stepped out of his room, quietly, defeated and Mrs Jones scared the crap out of me.

"I am sorry, Ms Steele. I didn't mean to scare you."

My shoulders slumped and when I spoke, my voice was a stranger to me. Never have I ever in my life felt the way the words rang out of me, all hoarse and tired. Hopeless. "I want to go take rest."

Her eyes reflected my eyes. The chocolate brown appeared to be darker somehow. She saw it, too, maybe as her hands outstretched and relaxed on my shoulders.

"I will take you to your room."

She led the way, upstairs. There weren't many rooms upstairs. Just two, one on our way was locked and one was straight ahead. She opened it and I looked around. The room was beige and bright white. The bed was white, too and royal, I must say. Right in front me was a large window and beside it a small yet beautiful dressing table. It looked like a woman's room to be honest.

"Did anyone live here?"

She shook her head, "Ms Mateo, the interior designer designed the room this way. She was asked to do whatever she wanted to do with the guest room."

I nodded in understanding, "What's the other room for?"

She shrugged, "It was asked to kept shut and empty. So, nothing in there."

"Why?" I asked as I flopped down on the bed and brought my legs up.

She smiled, apologetically, "I have no idea, ma'am. Maybe he left it so that he could make someplace out of it when required. I nodded and yawned.

"Mrs Jones, it feels terrible when you address me with ma'am or Ms Steele. Please call me Ana." I struggled to smile at her.

She narrowed her eyes, "Only if you call me Gail."

I smiled more genuinely now, "Done, thank you."

She nodded and turned to leave but stopped, turning to look at me, again, "It will be fine, Ana."

It was like her words translated to 'Open, Sesame' to my tears as they suddenly welled up and burned my eyes, "How, Gail?" my voice shook, "He couldn't even wait to get me before he got drunk again."

Her expressions were sad, "It started with one glass and then he couldn't stop. He said it was because he was tired when Jason tried to stop him but our protocol limited our options."

I frowned and sniffed, "Why don't you just break the damn protocol and help him?"

She sighed and closed her eyes, painfully, "Because then we won't be able to help at all."

* * *

**I WILL COMPLETE THIS. KEEP MOTIVATING AND STAY TUNED.**

**Love.**


	15. Gold digger

**A/N**

**Hey!**

**How are you all? Hope you all are staying safe and at home. I am sure we will get through this pandemic.**

**Here's another chapter and I hope you like it. This isn't my best work :(**

**Also, I discovered that there are, in fact, places called Hemington and Bridgville and I just wanted to clarify that the places that are mentioned in my story are nowhere related to actual cities. I wanted to create my own places so that I was free to manipulate the weather, people and stuff.**

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* * *

She sighed and closed her eyes, painfully, "Because then we won't be able to help at all."

It was pleasant when I woke up the next morning and was welcomed with a sun that peeked under the shoulders of the beautiful white clouds. I could hear the birds chirping as if my mother was rushing me to get ready for school, except for that I don't think anything about this morning was pleasant.

With respect to the mood I was in, I preferred to wear just my father's sweatshirt that I stole but I knew I had a meeting with Isaac a few hours later so I decided to get dressed. I put on my white shirt and khaki straight skirt and tied my hairs in a loose bun and went down.

Gail greeted me from the kitchen and I sat at the breakfast table.

"What would you like to have, Ana?" She asked, smiling.

"Just a coffee," I smiled. My head automatically turned to Christian's bedroom and my jaw clenched.

"He is still asleep." She whispered.

I gave a tight nod and stood up, walking into his room. I wanted to puke, it still stunk and so did he. I did not look at him and went straight into his bathroom.

_Splash._

He woke up with a jerk, his eyes wide with shock and spun his head from side to side until his eyes settled on me, "Anastasia?" His voice was scratchy.

I was already glaring at him, "I guessed you would need some water after that hangover." I hissed, "I hope the cold water did or I could have some boiled?"

He was confused. He ran his hand through his face, pinching the bridge of his nose and groaned, "Jesus."

I waited for him to come back to his senses and realize the situation right now. He did. He suddenly opened his eyes and looked at me, "When did you come?"

I had to struggle to keep my voice leveled, "Last night." I kept my smart-ass sarcasm down my throat.

He sighed and cleared his throat, "I am sorry."

I just glared at him and stormed off. I heard him groan but continued my stride across the hall. Gail was already looking at my direction and she immediately hurried to serve the coffee in the mug.

"Three spoons of sugar," I informed her,

She stared at me and then nodded, "Yeah, sure"

I took my seat at the bar stool and brought the coffee mug to my lips. The bar stool beside me shifted and I did not react to it.

"Good Morning, Mr Grey," the lady greeted warmly,

"Gail." He said, his voice sounded distracted to me and his eyes felt boring into my head.

Gail was quite as shadow, this moment she was right in front of me and the other she was nowhere to be seen. My eyes flickered at him, "Why did you sent her away?" I accused.

"I want to talk to you." He said, casually. Casual, my ass.

"I don't." I hissed, keeping the mug with a loud thud

He took a deep breath and placed his hand on my thigh, "Ana, please, stop being so uptight."

I smiled, bitterly at him, slapping his hand away "Sure, honey if you stop stinking."

My hand was gripping the coffee mug as if I wanted to choke it till the very end. His face hardened as I spoke and frustration flashed across his eyes.

I calmed myself down, if we were to have an adult conversation that would actually lead to something, I had to be able to get my voice out without increasing it.

"What?" I decided to whisper,

He took in a relieved sigh, nodding in approval and I stared at him. He straightened his back, "I am sorry, Ana," He whispered, "I am so sorry you had to come on your own, I –

"Taylor picked me up." I intervened, impatiently, "You should really promote these guys, they do a lot more then they have to,"

He was puzzled.

"He was smart enough to understand the situation so he sent himself."

The room went quiet. The flames in the fireplace burning gently behind his shoulders. The clock was ticking as time passed by and I zoned out, giving him time to get to the explanations of his actions and listening to it ticking. I hadn't realized before but there was music that kept humming through the tension beside us.

"I was stressed, didn't mean it to get that bad."

His voice broke my focus and I turned my face to him and revised his statement in my head. He did not see my reaction coming. I stood up in fury and glowered down at him, "You were _stressed_?"

I ran my hands through my hairs and laughed, "You didn't _mean_ it to get that bad, huh? You know what? You're justified. Stress does that to you." My voice sounded nothing but sincere although the man knew better.

He didn't look at me.

"I am standing here." I snapped and he reluctantly lifted his head up at me. I knew he hated being shouted at. It must have put him a lot of effort to not fire back at me, mistake or not, but I wasn't bailing out just because of his preferences.

I dropped my voice to the almost normal tone, "Christian, if stress does this to you," I waved my hand up and down his body, "then I would be having my liver transplant right now."

His face changed expressions and he stood up, lifting his hand to reach out to me, "What's wrong?"

I stepped away, "This isn't about me."

"Tell me." He ordered in a low whisper

I sighed, "You know about all the biological dad shit and everything and then your mails—

"Mails?" Confusion brought his eyebrows together,

Words got stuck in my throat, "You don't remember?"

He shook his head, "What was it?"

"N-nothing, really," I fumbled, "You were drunk and you just blabbered on and on and that had my stress on its peak."

He narrowed his eyes at me in suspicion, "What did I say?"

"Christian, that is not the poi—

But I was late, he had already snatched my phone and his fingers drummed across the screen. Giving me a suspicious look, he brought the phone to his ears and color – whatever was left of it – drained from his face. His hand dropped to his side.

"That did not mean anything. You don't need to stress about _that._" He avoided to look at me and his eyes distanced himself, out of my reach.

I decided to let his secret stay the way he wanted it to be, "You drunk always stresses me out" I gently touched his arm and spoke quietly, "I did not mean to make this about me," I stepped forward, "But you cannot do this."

I pulled him to me and locked my arm around his neck with his hands balled on his sides. Gradually when he understood that I wasn't going to let it go, he smoothed his hands around my waist and pulled me closer.

"You don't have to know this," I thought he said that but I wasn't sure, it was a low whisper, obviously to himself.

Somebody cleared their throat. We broke our embrace to encounter Taylor standing beside us, glaring at Christian, "Your father is here to see you, sir."

Christian frowned, "How did he know I am back?"

"If you put that idiot box to use, you'd know, Christian." A deep voice ran through the foyer and we turned our heads in the direction. The man looked nothing like Christian but he was handsome in his own way, tall, blonde like Elliot and shared the same blue eyes as his oldest son.

I had met Mr Grey a long time ago and I had to say that age had have no effect on him at all. I still remember the first time I saw him; it was when I had stumbled and fallen right into him on my way to Christian's room. As close as we both were, our families weren't. Ray knew I had a friend who was Mr and Mrs Grey's grandson and they loved me. That was it. So, there was no way he would have stopped to share pleasantries with me. All he did was hold me by my shoulders, smile down at me, pat my cheek and walk away. That was it.

His eyes landed on me and he frowned, wide-eyed, "I didn't realize you had company."

"Mr Grey, how are you?" I smiled at him and held my hand forward. He took it and gave it a light shake,

"I am fine, thank you." He smiled, "Christian Grey has a friend!" he muttered with a smirk, turning to look at him.

"This is Anastasia, an old friend of mine," Christian said tightly, "Ana, this is Carrick Grey, my father but you already know."

I smiled, politely.

"It's really nice to meet you, Anastasia Steele," I frowned when he said my last name.

"Why are you here?" Christian snapped, his eyes stretching across his face in hostility,

"Why do you think?" He was arrogant.

Christian shifted uncomfortably beside me and so did I. "I will give you two some privacy, I need to take off anyway," I smiled at our guest and brought my hand forward, he nodded and took it, "It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr Grey."

"Carrick," He corrected,

"You don't have to go." Christian stated in a firm voice

I glared at him. This confrontation already seemed too uncomfortable and too private to me to nose in and as much as I wanted to know what this was about, it wasn't my place, "I know but I have a meeting. I got to leave."

"Taylor will drive you."

I could feel Carrick's eyes bore into me as Christian made the offer. I shook my head consciously, "No, thank you. I will manage."

As if on cue, Taylor walked in and looked directly at me, "There's a car to pick you, Ms Steele. Isaac Kay."

I frowned. How did he know?

As I entered into the elevator, I decided to give Kate a call to inform her that I was here in Hemington and realised that my bag was nowhere in sight. I cursed under my breath and turned to Taylor, "Can we go back? I left something."

I rushed through the foyer and that's when I heard noises that made me stop on my tracks.

"The girl is nothing but a gold digger, of course and you cannot be seen with her, Christian! Her father is an ordinary surgeon in that small town."

"Be careful with your words, Carrick and you don't have to do a background check on her. It's my life, I'll handle it"

I stepped a little forward so there were in my view. Carrick had just stepped forward, coming face to face with him. My eyes widened.

"Your life is destroying my enterprise. People are questioning our credibility because of you and your conducts," Carrick moved around and pressed a button on the remote from the table.

The reporter came on the screen and my eyes widened. It was a picture of me getting into the car and another picture of Christian on the airport.

"Young lady has been spotted getting into Christian Grey's car with the billionaire's chauffeur." He said in a tone that annoyed me, somehow, "The Grey Enterprise Holding has been subject to a family dispute that led to the man storming out of his own company one afternoon," he leaned forward, "Could the young anonymous lady be behind this turning point of –"

The screen went black and I turned my eyes to Christian who had snatched the remote from Carrick.

Carrick narrowed his eyes and crossed his hands, "How many mouths are you gonna shut, Christian? They need a reason and if you don't give them one, they'll make one."

"I need you to leave."

"I will not." Carrick hissed, "I am so waiting for the tabloids tomorrow."

"Leave," Christian warned and I flinched,

"Watch it," Carrick fired right back, "And get rid of that gold digger or whatever she is, I am not up for any more damage control." I took a step back as the word pierced through me. Gold digger? Really? That's what I will be? A gold digger or a dirty little secret of Christian Grey, CEO of a multi-billion company?

It was as if the words had knocked the breath out of me and my eyes landed on the hand fisted at Christian's side. He knew it, he knew what the paparazzi would make out of it.

Carrick's posture softened and he stepped back, keeping a hand on Christian's shoulder which he jerked away, it did not seem to bother his father, "Son," it was the first time I had heard him say that, "I will arrange everything, I promise, the rehab, the company, the press, everything but you have to get your shit together and step up, again."

Christian did not answer and he just looked away. I sighed and cleared my throat, "I am sorry, I forgot my bag," I plastered a smile.

Gold digger. The word repeated itself in my head as I sat at the restaurant. This was so unfair to be judged by people that don't even know your first name yet. I always thought I was a fighter, to survive my father walking out on us, my mother's death and that godawful incident but now, I wanted to just find an escape route out of this shit hole. I shook my head and closed my eyes, _Not now, not yet._ I said to myself and focused on the fishes in front of me swimming in the aquarium.

My phone vibrated and it was a call from Kate.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath. I had completed forgotten about her. I cautiously answered the phone and was greeted with a huff.

"Too busy?" it was like venom out of a snake.

I bit my lip to stop myself from chuckling at her theatrics, "Not for you, honey,"

She huffed again, "You're so shrewd,"

I giggled, "I know, I am sorry, Kate. I should have called,"

"Yeah, you should have."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, you said that."

"Let's meet. I have time. Where are you?"

"Called in sick."

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

I laughed, "Is Heathcliff near you?"

"It must be half an hour from my place."

"Why don't you come here? Say at four?"

Isaac entered the restaurant just then and his eyes scanned the room, his lips turning into a vibrant smile as he spotted me and made his way through.

"Alright, bye."

"Bye," I hung up and stood up to greet him. We exchanged formal pleasantries and talked about my experience back in Bridgeville. Isaac seemed to know everything and I decided to not stress on the 'how' part for the most of it.

"Coffee?" the corner of his lips lifted up. I nodded at him and he held up two fingers to someone behind my shoulder.

"You come here often?" I asked.

He nodded.

Awkward silence.

He decided to be the ice-breaker, clearing his throat, "Well, let's discuss about your role and your issues, shall we?"

I nodded.

He stared.

"Oh," I realized that we were waiting for me to speak up first, "Umm… first off, I don't think I am experienced enough," He opened his mouth but I rushed to continue, "Let me complete," I requested, "Although I am kind of career oriented, I don't want to be at the top… I mean I want to make progress, sure, but not a whole company or something, I don't want it."

"Ana," the tone was persuasive, "Those are the same points you had already talked about and I don't think they are real problems," he shrugged. Classic, wasn't it? Almost invalidating someone else's problem. "You are just—

"I don't want to, Isaac." I cut him off with an irritated tone

He seemed frustrated as his jaws tightened a little, "What do you mean you don't want to? What should I do? Throw my company away because of your problems that are just in your head?"

I was incredulous, "What do _you _want me to do? You were the one who asked about my 'concerns'," I made the quotation sign, "so here am I,"

He looked away still frustrated "You are right, I am sorry." He turned his head to me and then his tone took a dream-like turn as if trying to paint a happy picture, "You won't be alone," he emphasized each word carefully, "There is a whole board and your staff. You will have a second in command who will guide you throughout. His name is Jerry Roach," he told me, "He has been my right-hand man, he will be the same to you,"

I sighed, trying to think of anything else that would be a trouble, "But I love writing and reading, this will take it away from me, won't it?"

"Not necessarily, dear" he replied easily

"But having a company, don't you have other children?" I said before thinking it through. It was a personal question.

"I do," he replied, as if discussing about new decor for his palace. I was stunned by the admission, of course and… even more shocked at the fact that he hadn't brought this up before "I have a son from my ex-wife and they have their share, too"

I tried to remain as neutral about this as I could. I shouldn't be affected anyway, "That's… nice."

He smiled, "I know I should have mentioned them, they're good people."

"I am sure," I replied, hesitating "Are they okay with-

"Of course," he seemed to be a little shocked at the question I couldn't complete "They really don't want to do anything with me,"

I nodded.

"They really are good people. Danny is a little tough and the loner type but June is kind and hyper active," he chuckled and I was surprised by how I felt. I felt bad when he talked about her, as if it was unfair to my mom, "Just like your mother,"

I didn't say anything.

"So, is that it?" he leaned forward

I puffed out air from my mouth in a huff, "Well, I guess, this was it."

He smirked at me but then the corner of his lips turned down, something flashing across his eyes.

"What?" I asked,

"How do you know Christian Grey?"

I stiffened. Of course, all my attempts to not remember today's events would rush up to me as he mentioned his name. The news! That must be where Isaac must have known about my new temporary address. I mean, there wasn't any other believable explanation.

"So, that's how you knew where I was," I accused,

He shrugged.

This was possibly the only reply I would get so I decided to answer his question, "He's my childhood friend."

"Interesting," he nodded, "I wouldn't have cared if it wasn't for the connection he had,"

"What do you mean?"

He cocked his eyebrow.

I was very aware of the moment at the time around me as I realized what he was saying, "No,"

"Yes."

"I will be answerable to GEH?" my mouth was hanging open,

He nodded slowly.

I had no idea what to reply to that. Christian was my boss? I mean, at least technically he was. This was exactly the kind of situation where your mind goes completely blank. You are not thinking, you just stop processing.

I nodded, too and it felt a lot of pressure to move my head at all.

"Your relationship with him will be favorable to us." He frowned, nodding "I must say, as unintentional as it is, good work." His face stretched into a shrewd smile and there he was cold and calculating as always.

"Am I expected to lure him into me so we have an upper hand?" I asked, impassively.

"I wouldn't say lure," I was surprised when he actually seemed to answer me sincerely, "But it's always good to be on the good side,"

I lifted my eyebrows up in frustration, "You gotta be kidding me."

He looked at me and lifted his hands up, "Just saying. Although, there's nothing to be worried of, really. We are almost equals. My ex-wife and my son are board members and so are you once you sign the papers. "

"Don't they have a say in me being the editor and all?"

"Of course. GEH knows."

"But his father came today!" I said as soon as I processed it "Did he know who I was _then_?" All that went through me was I had probably given more reasons to Carrick proving I was, in fact, a gold digger. I had given them all even before I met him. He knew. He knew that I was the all-of-a-sudden-discovered daughter and that I was probably taking advantage of a dead man.

"I would say so," he scoffed, unaware of the havoc that just went inside me, "He even might have done a background check for all that matters."

"Isn't it illegal?" I wanted him to look worse in the situation.

He rolled his eyes, "Technically."

"That's wrong," I said, stubbornly, "I haven't signed the papers yet!"

"Do you want to sue him?"

"No, but –

"No buts,"

I huffed.

He chuckled, "Can we get back to business?"

I shrugged.

He fished out a manila file from his briefcase and pushed it towards me, "Take this, I will collect this from you tomorrow at the office."

I nodded, quickly – too quickly and turned the pages of the file. He stopped me, "You'll do great,"

I chuckled, "Yeah."

I was in Kate's car and it was late in the evening as I returned from the cafeteria. The weather around me was still pleasant, a tad colder than it was in the morning. Kate and I had a lot of catching up to do and it was obvious by the way she wasn't able to stop speaking... and her complaints and gossips still continued as I sat beside her in her car after she offered to drop me home.

I hummed to whatever she was saying and she stared at me confused, "What?"

"What?" I frowned,

"I asked you about the news and you said 'hmm'?" she said, "You know what? Don't talk to me."

I hurried to explain myself, "I am sorry, Kate. I dozed off. Please don't be mad,"

"Only if you answer me."

I sighed, "There is no answer."

"You hooked up with the billionaire? You didn't seem to be the gold digger type," she scoffed,

I rolled my eyes and made a face, "What can I do? The luxuries attract me too much."

She chuckled, "So, did you get the job? It is real good that your runaway father settled you into his company."

I hummed again but this time she seemed okay with it.

"How does your commissioning editor stuff pay you _here_?"

"No, no, Kate. Didn't you get it? I am the head of the publication."

"What?" Her mouth hung open, "B-but you are not qualified,"

I cringed away and stared at her, disbelievingly.

She recovered herself, "I mean, i-it will be difficult for you,"

"Of course, it will be. What's not?"

She shrugged, "It's a little unfair to the people who actually deserve it."

"You think I don't deserve it?" my voice was like a wounded, angry animal

She gave me a cold look, "There are people more deserving." Her eyes assessed me and she knew how hurt I was because of her. She turned her head to the road, "Where do I drop you?" her hand moved towards the inbuilt system in the car to enter the location

"Escala." I whispered,

Her eyes jerked at me, "Escala? How did you get there?"

I felt like a criminal as I responded to her question, "I moved in with Christian."

There was a very low whisper and I got the word 'unbelievable'.

So, everybody thought I was an exploiter and the sadder part was that all _my_ insecurities in me ganged up together to tell me that I was.


	16. Who is to blame?

**Hey!**

**How are you all? It's a difficult time and I hope everyone is doing well and staying in. It sucks, I know but there isn't much we can do about it.**

I** have been working hard on this chapter since a long time but my mom accidentally deleted it and I had to write it all over again and if that wasn't the case, you would have been notified of this chapter a while ago.**

Do** review. Love you all. Stay safe, stay alive and stay tuned. _I'll be posting more regularly from now on._**

Love** to you and your families,**

**VA Adeles xx**

* * *

I shakily stepped into the foyer of his apartment and Gail greeted me with a warm smile on her lovely, gentle face. Would she have been this welcoming if I wouldn't have been the special friend of Christian Grey? Clearly not. I plastered a smile back at her,

"How was your day?"

"Fine, thank you. Would you like anything?"

I shook my head. I had lost all my appetite. She frowned and stared at me, "Are you all right?"

I stared back at her. The question seemed too alien to me. Why would she care when my best friend didn't give a damn about it? My breaths became pants and choked silent cries started bubbling in my chest. Ray always went on and on, boasting about me in front of his surgeon friends, telling them how forthcoming, bold, capable, and independent his daughter was.

But... _but_ he was my father, he was biased. He did not count, who did were the strangers, unbiased, and those who weren't concerned about sparing my feelings. These people mattered. Suddenly, yes… but they did.

"Miss Steele? Ana?!" Gail fell to her knees beside me, my knees had given up the power to hold myself together. I clasped them and started rocking myself back and forth, the tears cascading down my cheeks and damn, it was embarrassing – the sound that echoed from my throat as if I had lost someone. Perhaps I was being too dramatic.

Everything started piling up, everything – that made it harder to stop, too damn hard. Don't love if it costs you your self respect, they say and today it was attacked. At that time, breathing without labor was a sin.

Gail went silent after calling out my name three times and then resolved to just rub my back as if that was supposed to be soothing but then the figure that staggered in front of me triggered the bomb.

Christian stood in front of me, struggling to stand on his two feet. He stumbled through the hall and stood right in front of me, I looked up through my lashes at him, he was a blur and so drunk. The loud sobs did not stop, though. They continued and I heard Gail take a sharp breath and whisper, "Oh, my God."

He looked at me; stared at me for an agonizing minute and my loud sobs subsided, becoming labored panting when he started laughing at me. I stared at him, wide-eyed and bewildered. I did not find any element in this situation the least bit amusing but he was amused, all cheery and frenetic.

"She's crying," He laughed, again with sincere delight,

"Mr. Grey, please, you need to rest." Gail muttered beside me; her hand gripped my shoulder. I gently removed her hand and strained to stand up. She stood up with me and her worried glance bored into the side of my head.

"Gail, I need you to leave," I whispered, trying to avoid my dry throat. She hesitated and I passed her a pointed look. She looked down and walked away. Christian was still laughing and I couldn't help the hurt that pierced right through me. He was mocking me, still laughing.

"What's funny?"

He tried to control himself, "You are crying,"

"And?" I wiped the tears off my face, my chest still shaking from the hysteria,

"_I _am in a shithole and you cry," he looked at me, "Come on, that is f-fr-funny,"

"You're drunk again," I hated my voice as soon as it came out. It was petty, small, and suffering.

He took a dramatic sigh, "Oh, right. Anastasia Steele would _not _like that, would she?"

I gasped, "You're not just drunk, are you?

He chuckled and shook his head. I staggered back with the admission. Today, not so long ago, we talked. He promised. He loved me, he said that and we do things for the people we love. Was this that feeling that was supposed to be so magical and dreamy?

It sure wasn't the make-believe stories they come up with in those shitty novels where they fight through obstacles, holding each other's hands. It was a lie, a setup. Because right now and everytime I saw anybody else, they fought _against_ each other most of the time through every freaking storm that comes our way.

And I concluded something.

The promise to stay together is a fairy tale because at this very moment I wanted to run out of the door at the first chance I got. The promise to be in sickness and in health is a fairy tale because, at this very moment when he was obviously sick, I wanted to not see him again. The promise to love each other come what may was a fairy tale – It definitely wasn't like that – because at this very moment I hated him. And with everything, I could hold onto.

I stood there with my legs frozen at the spot contrary to which they felt like Jell-O. I inhaled a sharp breath, "You promised,"

To no surprise, he scoffed. The terms forming lazily around his tongue and mixing with each other "My dad promised me GEH. Things change, roll with 'em" he waved his hand dismissively at me and started to walk towards the kitchen, "I need to fix myself a drink,"

He fell. He took two steps forward and fell down on his face. I stood where I was momentarily and sighed, moving forward to kneel beside him. His face was etched with irritation, "The fl-floor moved," he complained,

"It sure did," I muttered, clasping his elbows, "Get up," I tried to pull him up with me but he was too heavy. He held a finger at me, "I can do it on my own."

He couldn't walk two steps right but yeah, sure, he could get up on his own. I rolled my eyes when he placed his palms on the floor, trying to lift himself up. I turned to call Taylor and heard him crash again. "Taylor?" I called out in vain. A burning sensation ran down my throat as I tried to get out a normal pitch. Probably from all the crying. I cleared my throat and tried again, "Taylor?"

He was in front of me within a short minute, it was impossible to hear the man's footsteps, "Miss Steele. Oh, let me help you." He was fast, lifting up Christian in a strong, swift movement; his one hand supporting his hand and the other around his shoulder. I stared into space for a moment as the déjà vu hit me, everything was the same except Christian was not covered in blood this time.

Christian frowned at him, "Taylor, get me any Polish vodka you can find right now,"

Taylor glanced at me, his eyes assessing me and turned to Christian. I knew it was the hopelessness that I saw in his eyes which naturally, scared me to death, "Yes, sir, but we need to get you into your room first, okay? Can you do that?" his voice held the tone of command which had no intention to budge,

Christian glared at him, offended, and disapproving of his employee's attitude but he did not complain. I couldn't help but scoff at his theatrics. Even drunk he was arrogant. Not ready to be bossed around.

Taylor made him sit on his bed and crouched, beginning to unfasten his shoes. I stepped forward, "Can I?"

He looked at me and smiled, giving his head a tight nod and stepped back silently. I replaced his hands with mine and started to undo his shoelaces. It happened too fast. His hands were suddenly in my hair, pulling them from their roots, painfully. I gasped and Taylor moved, "Sir?! Mr. Grey! Get your hands off of her" he shouted at him but he remained unaffected by it, looking into my eyes with hate and anger and disgust. His expression froze me altogether and the only words that escaped my mouth were, "Taylor, don't,"

Now, I hated myself. My sanity was questioning me. What did I do? Stop the guy who was trying to protect me from my best friend? What was this kind of love, this kind of affection that kept becoming more and more toxic to me? I scared me.

"She!" Christian screamed, spitting venom out of his mouth; a mouth that was once beautiful, "She is the _reason_ for all of this!" he grabbed my hairs harder and I yelped in pain. I wasn't sure if the shout that spat out of my mouth was the physical pain or the agony of me being blamed for something that I wouldn't even dream about.

"Miss Steele, you don't have to –

"I do!" I shouted at him, my hands reached up to grab Christian's -- almost a reflex -- trying to stop him from pulling my hairs harder but I was frail and tiny.

"You did this to me," he breathed fire, his eyes scrutinizing me like I was the _enemy_, "You! You brought me to Hemington, you forced me to! You don't love me; you don't love me! You wanted me to get back to my life, to this lifestyle. This is what interests you, doesn't it? You are just a materialistic whore like everybody else."

His words rang loud and clear in the room and I just stared into his eyes, almost being able to hear the loud crack in my chest. I started to pant for oxygen, my lungs suddenly seeming to give up on me, "Please leave me," I finally pleaded and so he did. He relaxed his hands gripping my hairs and threw me with a ruthless swing. Darkness overwhelmed me before I could register what had happened. A blinding pain rushed through my head as it banged at the side table. I heard two gasps and one groan.

"Christian!" the ringing in my head almost silenced Taylor's shout. A warm and strong set of hands picked me up like I weighed nothing and set me up on my feet, his face all blurry but no stranger, "Miss Steele, are you okay? Can you talk to me?"

I blinked thrice and his face settled for one instead of two. I was numb, too rigid to react to anything he said. He gave me a slight shake, "Miss Steele, you okay?"

I inhaled a shaky breath and forced my head up and down. He nodded back at me and jerked his head to the side, "Gail, get her out of here,"

A gentle, tiny and cold set of hands replaced the firm, big ones and I gasped a cry as the environment changed, my head turning to face Christian who was groaning, laying flat on his back, his hands pulling his hairs and covering his face. Gail took me out of his room, her hands holding my shoulders firmly as if I would fall as soon as she let go off of me.

She carefully made me sit down on the sofa and sat beside me, her hands never loosing the grip on me, "Ana? Are you okay?"

"The hell I am," I sobbed, "I guess we have established that I am a gold digging whore,"

"Shh," She hushed me, combing down my hairs which was overwhelming. Only my mother ever did that, "Mr Grey didn't mean a word he said. He was out of his senses and he just needed someone to blame,"

"Out of all those fairytales I read to my sisters, not one of them is true,"

Despite of everything, she giggled, "It sure is not as easy as it spells and you're not writing an essay,"

"I have had enough of my share of complications, Mrs Jones. I - I don't want to handle any more of it and I don't think that makes me a bad person,"

She sighed and tilted my chin up, staring at my head, "Your head is bleeding, I will get the kit,"

She sprang on her feet and started to walk towards Christian's room but stopped on her track, turning to look at me, "No," she muttered and I frowned, "That does not make you a bad person but do you want to be the good person when it puts you at so much risk?"

I inhaled a sharp breath as her words hit me, "Risk of what?" I whispered,

"That you have to decide and if it's worth it, take it." She smiled at me, "I will get antiseptics to clean your wound and tie you up. You have to take rest,"

With that, she walked away and I wiped my face and focused on my breathing when my phone on the table started ringing. I gave a light dab on my head, my hairs were wet and stuck to my scalp. I brought my matte red fingers and smelled the metallic stench of blood. I was numb but fine, I guess since my head wasn't spinning anymore.

I picked up my phone and answered the welcome call that wasn't so welcome at the time.

I cleared my throat, inhaled a deep breath and bucked up, "Hey!" my voice came out fine, "Before you say anything, I know I should have called you. Please don't be mad."

"Oh, no, it's alright. You must be busy, Annie. How are ya?"

I stared at nothing. _How was I?_

* * *

'**Who is to blame?'**

**I gave the title a lot of thought and ended up on this.**

Who** is to blame?**

**Parents? You? The person you love? Circumstances? The fairytales? The novels? Or the feeling altogether?**

**I just wanted to share this. Thank you so so much.**

**Stay**** Tuned.**

**VA Adeles xx**

* * *


	17. Love and Hurt are BFFs

**A/N (Do read _this _Author's note)**

**Hey, you all.**

I** have had a blast writing this chapter, really. Hope you feel the same way about reading it.****What happened to George Floyd (and many others who couldn't make it to the headline) was brutal, inhuman and something not even animals should be subjected to.**

**It's a shame to the policemen, the people who stood there, silent without doing anything and the government.** All** we can do is sign petetions as much as we can and make donations if we are able.**

We** have to stand together. I have seen wonders happening through posts going viral and people signing petitions.**

Lastly**, I am sorry for having such a long A/N but I wished to use every platform I had to do my bit.**

The** NEXT CHAPTER is going to be dropped really soon. I have most of it typed out. If all goes well, I should be posting it within three days.**

Love**,**

**VA Adeles xx**

* * *

How was I? Fine? As in good health and feeling well? Synonyms classified as well, healthy, alright. He wanted to know if I was healthy, alright, fine and well? Was it right to say the four-letter word that was used almost every day in life but so untrue, just some word to dodge the present, the fact?

"I am fine, daddy," I replied, anyway and it seemed to be almost convincing. That's when Gail appeared in front of me, uncertain to proceed. I nodded at her and she sat beside me and began to fix me up.

"Annie?" Ray called from the other side, his tone starting to stretch with tension. That consolation must not have been a good job then.

"Uh-huh," I avoided using my words,

"Did something happen?"

I closed my eyes, preparing myself to not botch-up and give myself away, "I _am_ fine, dad. Just tired. I had a long day with Isaac, discussing work,"

"That's great," he said, warily, "I wanted to call you but I didn't have any time,"

"Hmm, no problem,"

He suspected, yes he did but did not hound me with follow up questions; figuring out himself he had to do the talking, "A boat turned today; several people got injured. I have been in the OR for fourteen hours now,"

Another casualty. I didn't know if I was capable of holding it together. I had to keep it as short as possible, "Everyone okay?" That was good. No too-long sentences.

"They don't have any information about the number of people on the boat. God knows some of them might still be underwater," he said in a low, hurting voice

I winced as Gail put on a band-aid on my wound. My first normal reaction since Ray called. She mouthed a sorry and excused herself. Thankfully, Ray took it as a reaction to the accident, "Y_ou _okay?" I asked quickly

"Two patients died in my OR," he grumbled, "And one is yet to have another surgery,"

"Oh, daddy, I am so sorry," I whispered to him, my eyes starting to pool with tears again. I was so confused as to what exactly my apology applied to. I was being selfish, thinking about myself but it was a fact that my father warned me about Christian way before any of this was even anticipated.

"I know, baby. It's just, it's a lot of pressure," he said and exhaled a short chuckle, "Do you know what that patient told me when we brought her in?"

"What?" I asked even though I wasn't really taking notes... but as dad kept to talking to me, I realized that he was kind of stalling the tsunami that was building inside of me; his voice was the soothing charm that kept me from falling off of the verge of tears.

"She said she was here to meet her son and something about fixing what she broke, I think she meant her son by that. She held my hands in hers and pleaded with me to save her life," His voice was a low painful whisper,

That touched me. She deserved a second chance. For her son. She deserved to live. Just like Isaac, she deserved it, "I wish she lives," I thought out loud,

He hummed, "Yeah. She's got a shot, many don't," _Wow, was he upset, _"I have been avoiding the news but I guess I will have to check-in for the updates. We gotta be ready,"

My spine chilled. I forgot about the news and if he saw it, he would never ever forgive me. He warned me, said it was instinct and I went against it. He would see this as some sort of betrayal, wouldn't he? And this wasn't some ordinary treachery, it was telecasted on national television.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, sorry, um something came up," I said hurriedly, "But dad, um, y-you know how much news sets you off, you don't have to do this to yourself,"

"Yeah," he agreed, "Oh, hey son!" Ray suddenly said, "Oh, brilliant, thank you. Tell your mother she has hands of a goddess, the pasta yesterday was delicious,"

I heard a throaty laugh.

"Ray? Is that Jake?"

"Oh yeah, sorry, Annie. Jacob just dropped by," he informed me, "It's Ana," he whispered, and then his tone was of the normal pitch again, "Would you like to talk to him? I just got paged,"

"Yeah, yeah, you go"

"Hey." It was Jacob,

And my facade dropped.

He was quiet on the other end and all I could hear was breathing. There was something, _something_ wrong

"Jacob, hey"

He was quiet.

"Jake?" my voice quivered,

He sighed, "Yeah,"

And it hit me, the way he said the word. He was hurt and disappointed, struggling to be distant. The disappointment wounded me the most.

"You saw it," it wasn't a question, I knew it.

"Of course, I did," he grumbled, "Are you insane or what? You are all over it,"

"I know," I whispered,

"If Ray –

"Jake! No, please, you have to make sure he doesn't do that," Panic was good, it made the tears go away, "He can't know that I am with him,"

He snorted, "So, what do you think is gonna happen? And how long do you think this will go on?"

"I don't know!" I shouted at him,

"Oh, come on, hammer. What did you think was gonna happen? That you would run away with prince charming to a distant shore and happily ever after?"

I started whimpering because my life was nowhere near that and I didn't plan it to be but I didn't imagine it this bad either.

"Oh Annie," Jacob resigned, his voice melting like snow in summer. "That was harsh, sorry. Now, don't cry on me, you know it scares the shit out of me,"

Different people, different reactions. One laughed, one's horrified.

"You okay? Really?" he asked,

"N-no, they are painting me out to be a gold digger,"

"Who cares? They don't even know you,"

"Kate does and she agrees,"

He was silent for a second, "Well, she can be a cold bitch, she's just jealous. Let it go,"

"Yeah, right."

"Look, Ana. I really don't care about what she said, okay? All I know is that guy is not the right guy. I didn't say it when you were here because I thought you were already about to explode but you know it, he is not the right guy."

"Jake, don't"

"No, you don't. It's not done when you call it, Ana," he hushed me with an angry snap, "You asked me to butt out and I will but that doesn't mean I will not call you out on something like this,"

Of course, he was right but I didn't want to hear it so I ended the call without another word and collected myself, standing up. My head was spinning a little but I seemed fine otherwise. I went up to my room and curled up inside the blanket when my tears finally stopped, leaving my eyes dry. I lightly pressed my hand on my forehead and winced, it hurt.

A knock startled me. Gail was standing on the door, seeming apologetic and hesitant, "Miss Steele, do you need anything?"

I shook my head at her and closed my eyes. I needed to sleep and forget this and pray that all of this would turn out to be just a bad dream.

But it wasn't a dream because I remembered every single detail when I woke up the next day. I was in worse shape than yesterday; something was banging against the walls of my head and my eyes hurt when they blinked. A wonderful day to start the first day at work.

I slowly slipped myself into my grey suit and white shirt, tying my hair in a ponytail. It felt like any sudden, quick movement would break me. I had to be stronger, collapsing was easy but not an option. I missed dad and his arms that I knew wouldn't harm me. I wanted my four walls around me that provided me my mother's warmth and security that nothing would ever happen to me. I looked at the mirror facing a pale, lifeless ghost and silently lifted my hand and touched my mother's earrings, the only coastline I could find and sighed. I needed to leave.

"Mrs Jones," I called her as I began to leave; she smiled at me in response, standing right behind me, "Can you do me a favor?"

Her smile faded an inch, "Of course, ma'am,"

"I hate to ask you this but can you pack my bags before I get home?"

There was no smile anymore, "Miss Steele, what happened yesterday was nothing, just wrong place at wrong –

"Gail," A voice interrupted us. Taylor; he was standing behind her with a glare. She cast her eyes down, embarrassed. He turned to me, "Your bags will be packed, ma'am," he said politely,

I nodded and the elevator door opened.

The building was beautifully tall and glassy, it reflected everything back – the steel gate that led you to a T-junction with stunning gardens and circular, extravagant fountain in the middle. The guard let me in as soon as he saw me. The cab driver took a roundabout around the fountain and stopped right in front of the automatic door when a well-dressed man waved us over in a welcoming movement. He smiled at me.

"Good morning, Miss Steele," he bowed and opened the door for me

I bit my lip to stop my high school giggle when he did that. I stepped out of the car and nodded my head at him, "Thank you, Mr?"

"Torres at your service, ma'am," he bowed again,

I couldn't help this time, "You don't have to do that, please,"

He bowed again in response and turned red. I laughed, "Thanks, Torres."

He nodded and gestured me in. The weather changed as soon as the automatic doors let me in, the room was freezing cold with the scent of lavender and freesia, a large reception area on my left with a brunette sitting behind a teak wood table talking to Isaac who seemed sociable in an all-black suit.

"Isaac?" I called and his eyes flashed at me, his lips turning into a brilliant smile.

"Ana! What a pleasant morning!" He grabbed me into a warm hug and I patted his arm, unsure how to react. He pulled away, his one hand still on my waist, turning me to look at the grand reception, "This is our reception," he gestured at the table. There was a large wooden panel right behind the table and written on it with steel letters were the words 'reception' and above it, 'AiKa Publishing'.

He smiled at the lady, "That's Olivia, she has been working here for over ten years,"

She grinned at me. Olivia looked young to me, still in her late twenties, maybe. I smiled back and glanced at Isaac.

"This is our waiting area; do you like it?" he waved his hand over to the black leather sofas with a black marble table. In the right corner was a magazine stand and above the sofa – in the in-wall shelf - was a 'gigantically-huge' Buddha figurine in white marble. It was beautiful, mesmerizing.

Isaac didn't know it but I treasured Buddha idols and I was very choosy whenever I hunted for one. He was the god of peace, love, and positivity and that's what I wanted to feel whenever I saw an idol and this picture was captivating that connected straight to my soul. It was so, so beautiful.

"The statue is beautiful, Isaac," I whispered, still in awe. The idol did something to me, I was no longer the mess that I was when I entered but collected and composed and at quite peace.

"Ana?" Isaac called out to me, gently and carefully. I realized a single tear had fell off of my eyes and I laughed.

"I just really love it,"

He laughed, "I'll have another move into your cabin if you like it that much," I nodded, still marveling, "Let's take the office tour now?"

I smiled.

"What happened to your head, by the way?"

"I fell." I lied and we stepped into the elevator.

The rest of the building was a little dull, to be honest. Somewhere you'd go to work. The office, no doubt, was updated to the newest technologies with the most expensive computers, sleek and shiny but I didn't really know much. It mostly followed the pattern of white walls and ceiling, wooden flooring, and white table that were laid out like children standing row-wise, in a boring morning assembly, and people working like robots. Some of them smiled at me when I passed by them but others just threw me a pointed look before plastering a smile.

I tried to remember their names, that was rule no. 1 of being a good leader but only some of them stayed with me that were the head of their respective departments. Miss Garcia, a petite empowered woman who (as Isaac said) had a no-nonsense attitude and kept her words mostly to herself. She was one of the best we had in our editorial team. Mr. Lee, a short and healthy man who seemed arrogant and hostile to me as soon as I met him. He was the head designer and excellent in his work and then there was the friendly Mr. Rod(riguez), head of our sales and marketing.

Each department had its own floor.

"Your office is on the eleventh floor," Isaac whispered to me, moving me forward by the small of my back towards the elevator, "The cafeteria is on twelfth and there's a lounge on the tenth that's right above us,"

I gave him a look, "Why do you have such a huge building for a publishing house? It's just… publishing a book,"

He scoffed, "We don't just publish a book," he pressed the elevator button, "We publish our own as well,"

I glared at him. He did _not _tell me that, "What exactly, if you may?"

He rolled his eyes, "It's online, don't worry. We maintain several kinds of blogs, we started that about a year ago," and his eyes glittered with some kind of affectionate emotion and I realized this was something special to him.

"Okay…"

He chuckled, he was happy today, "Danny, my son, he wanted us to have a blog to employ budding writers,"

I just stared at him as we entered the elevator, would he talk about me like that as well? Or does he already? "What kind of blogs, Isaac?"

He smiled, "The department handles a blog for social issues, fashion, food and traveling and also just poetry and writings,"

"I like it," I nodded,

"I don't expect you to do this alone," the elevator pinged and the door opened, "That's why we have our second-in-command Jerry Roach,"

A man was standing in front of us in a white shirt and blue sweater; his warm, sophisticated smile highlighting the wrinkles in the corner of his black eyes. His hairs were white and shiny and his skin was alabaster pale like me, "Anastasia," he greeted me in a gentle and smooth voice,

My cheeks were already lifted up with a smile that was frozen in place since hours ago and tried to lift them a little more, "Hello, Mr. Roach,"

"Oh, please, just call me Jerry,"

"Jerry, I see you already recognized her and her, you," Isaac said, cheerfully, "Ana, he has been my back through this illness while I was away,"

I suddenly felt it. How young I was in front of him and inexperienced and now he would work _under_ me.

He saw something in my face and laughed, "I have no problem working for you, Steele,"

Isaac looked at me and I turned red, "Come on, I'll introduce you to your assistant and then walk you to your office,"

I nodded, quickly.

Hannah was a beautiful black woman with a British accent. No one in the whole building spoke to me with an accent, all of them were Americans. She was sweet and a little awkward but I liked her... and then there was my office, freshly renovated for me.

It was so me. To my right, there was a Lawson's style sofa in royal blue with yellow and white cushions, on both its hands were yellow mid-century armchairs. The little trunk and the carpet took my heart away, my mother was a fan of them. She would sacrifice anything to have a trunk but she could never buy one.

The trunk was traditional and the carpet was a gorgeous bohemian which was simply lovely and I wondered who decorated this after all and why wasn't the whole office as casual as this cabin?

Then my eyes flashed at my area. My working table was rustic with cross-legs and wide with organized markers, highlighters, pencils and pens, and files. A lot of files.

"Go, sit on it," Isaac whispered in my ear, standing right behind me and I did. I was so proud of myself and I was having this weird urge to giggle and laugh with all the freedom I could have. I sat in the chair, my chair and smiled at Isaac.

He bobbed his chin towards something at my back and I realized that there was a small corner that held a small Victorian shelf different from the ones on my other side. Several books were lined up for me with a small couch beside it and I knew that this was an address to my problem when I said I wouldn't be able to just sit and read.

"Thank you, Isaac. Really." I muttered with a heavy heart,

He shrugged, "I am trying to be considerate and my daughters helped me with it,"

My eyebrows shot up in surprise when he said his daughters but I concealed it and asked, "But when?"

"A week before you actually came," he chuckled and sat in front of me,

I just moved my head up and down and placed my palms on the table, "So, what do I do now?"

And we fell into the hours-long conversation of work. He told me about an introductory meeting of the board and that I was supposed to be the show dog today, smiling and being polite. Isaac sent me up into a frenzy when he told me that I could introduce everybody with new ideas, too if I wanted and that would help me up in making a good impression. As we indulged more and more into the conversation, I couldn't help but ask about the hostile glares I got from my colleagues which Isaac just brushed off saying that nobody likes the new king at first, anyway and that people still hated him.

I wouldn't doubt it, though. He _was_ self-centered and arrogant mostly. He was like a teddy bear but filled with cactuses. He laughed at my analogy, by the way.

We were in the middle of a conversation when Hannah walked in, "Mr. Kay? I am sorry to interrupt you –

Isaac waved a hand at her, "You don't address me anymore, babe,"

I glared at him. She pursed her lips but then turned to me with an apologetic smile, "Sorry, Miss Steele, out of habit,"

"No, no, go ahead,"

"Umm… actually, two people are waiting to talk to you –

"Hannah," Isaac interrupted her again, annoyed this time, "I asked you to clear off her schedule for today. The first day is just to –

"Get to know everybody, I know, Mr. Kay but this wasn't in her schedule,"

He opened his mouth again.

I cleared my throat, "Isaac, will you please allow me to take over now?"

He looked lost and embarrassed. I took that as a yes, "Yes, Hannah, I am sorry, nobody's interrupting you now,"

She smiled, "Mr. Lee is standing right outside, he wants to talk to you. He's been really persistent,"

I frowned, "He's in designing, right?"

Hannah nodded.

"Well, okay. Send him in,"

"Oh no," Isaac intervened, "He can talk about whatever he wants tomorrow or if it doesn't need a conversation, just mail it, Hannah. Today stays strictly for introductions,"

"But, Isaac, if he –

He shook his head before I could finish, "_Work is always going to be with you but priorities and words stay as they are,"_

I nodded. He did know about the world more than I did.

"Very good, I'll convey him the message," Hannah said, "Also, Mr. Grey is here to congratulate you personally. He is at the reception,"

I gaped at her, "Who?"

She looked between us, as if I was insane, "Err... Mr. Grey? Carrick Grey from GEH, he is –

"I know who he is," I snapped and regretted it when both of them looked at me, bewildered. So much for an impression, "I am sorry, didn't mean to snap at ya. Don't keep him waiting at the reception,"

Carrick strode into the cabin as if he owned it and smiled at us, "Isaac!" he laughed and pulled him into a hug, "Congratulations on the new editor!"

Isaac grinned, "Thanks. This is Anastasia Steele," he pointed at me.

Carrick kept his smile intact, "Oh, yes, Isaac, we have met. Ana," He greeted,

"Hello, Mr. Grey," my voice came out as a whisper, "Please sit,"

And we all sat down. Isaac and Carrick Grey clearly knew each other by the way they sat, perfectly at ease, or was it just me who sat squirming in the seat which was more than comfortable?

My phone rang loudly before the silence stretched too long. It was Christian, he was probably up after the peaceful night. It didn't go unnoticed by his father and I quickly muted it. I couldn't deal with yet another issue and know what it was about, considering that I had requested Gail to pack my bags.

"You can take it if you want," Carrick shot a look at me.

Why did he hate me? "It can wait," I said, timidly

"Of course," he mumbled, "Oh, Isaac, would you mind if I steal your daughter? I would like to congratulate her in private,"

I glared at Isaac when Carrick said the word daughter. He didn't see me.

Isaac rolled his eyes, "Sure, sure. I'll show myself out. I have to get some paperwork ready and then she'll be our new president,"

With that he left me alone to be chewed out. Maybe I was just overreacting, how worse could it be? He wouldn't kill me off or something for playing a small role in a PR nightmare that GEH was already going through.

"You're afraid of me," Carrick stated,

I took a deep breath, "Not scared, just wary,"

He nodded.

"Why do you hate me, Mr. Grey?" I blurted out, my hands balled into fists at my side. My nails were digging into my skin.

He snorted, "I don't hate you. I just want you away from my son's life. I'll pay you whatever you want, buy you another company if that's what it takes,"

I was incredulous and angry and disgusted. I stood up from my seat, fuming, "What did you just say? What do you think I am? You'd pay me for what, exactly?"

He just sat there, looking at me as if he was waiting for a dog to stop barking and then come up to him, wiggling his tail.

I wasn't going to budge this time. I have had enough of being cornered and accused of something I wasn't and this had to end now, at least on his part. And so, I took my ground and kept glaring.

It could have continued for long if Carrick wouldn't have finally opened his mouth, "Look, I already know you and my son were close when you were kids but don't give me that shit where you tell me you'd take care of an addict because you still care about him. I know how the world works."

I shook my head at him, "Well, you clearly haven't valued friends and family then... but I do and I care about your son because he was my best friend. I really don't know why you want to think of me as some con who's after your money,"

"Well then, what? You're never after money?" he arched an eyebrow at me, "You were just a long lost daughter of the man who suddenly showed up to take care of his empire?"

"I wasn't lost, sir," I snapped back at him, "I didn't want anything to do with him because he wasn't a good father just like you,"

That made him stand and look straight at me, "Do not cross your line,"

"I am sorry but that's true and you know it. Isaac is dying and he wanted me to take over and I couldn't say no."

He didn't know about Isaac, apparently and the moment he turned confused I knew nobody knew. It was a secret but that wasn't the part that echoed in his head. "I wanted to be a good father," he said through his teeth, "And I wanted to believe in love and family but love never believed in me. _I_ gave it a shot after his mother left me, that didn't work out," his jaws clenched, "love doesn't get you the bread and luxuries, young lady,"

"That's just sad,"

He laughed bitterly at me, "Sure it is. Life is, sometimes. And I don't care what you think about my parenting but I want my son to get back onto his two feet and get his ass back into the office and I would do anything it takes for him to do that with no obstacles," he brought his face close to me, just inches away.

I was the obstacle. "I am not with him for money and I feel disgusted about you and myself when I tell you that."

"Then get out and do not return,"

"I have no interest in harassing myself by either of you," My eyes blurred, "But this is my office so, respectfully, get out."

He frowned at me when his eyes scanned the band-aid on my forehead. His mouth opened and he inhaled a shocked breath, "Did he do that to you?" he whispered,

I looked away but nodded.

"H-how?"

A single, lone tear fell off my eyes, "He wasn't lucid. H-he... pushed me and I fell and hit my head,"

"I... I don't know what to say. I am sorry this happened to you." he stood up and buttoned his suit, "Meet you downstairs in five for the meeting,"

With that, he stormed out of my office.

That was when I saw Carrick with total clarity after everything I learned about him when I was a kid, everything my friend told me... and now, that I was beginning to experience the ground reality, I got to know him a little more, the bright side. He was a good man, aspiring to be a good father, too but he had weird ways to show which would leave you confused.

He did care about his family but he wasn't wired to grasp the concept and so, he ended up gifting a car to his son instead of being there for him. When his kid desired his attention, he ended up gifting them a vacation trip to Bali.

My phone screen lit up just when Isaac entered to come and take me to the party in the lounge. I held up a finger at him, moving around the table, "I'll take the call, I'll be right behind you,"

He nodded and walked off.

I answered the call and took in a deep breath, "Hello?"

"Ana?" He whispered. I couldn't understand if there was any emotion behind it.

"I am busy, Christian. I can't talk right now, am at work. Please send a message if it's something important,"

He rushed to speak before I could disconnect the call, his tone desperate and stressed, "Ana! Please, please tell me why are your bags packed?"

I just stared at the screen, "You don't know?"

"No! I don't remember, did I do something? Say anything? "

He didn't remember. "No, you didn't," _he didn't need to if he didn't, _"I just don't think I can handle a relationship"

"Ana, I love you," he said it like a farewell,

I ended the call and plastered a smile before walking into the lounge for the party.

My phone vibrated again but I muted it.

_I don't know, Christian. I don't know about love anymore... but thinking about leaving you might be the hardest decision I'll ever have to make._

* * *

Next coming up soon. Stay tuned.


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